Hi,

My husband and I are newly married, and expecting a baby soon. I knew from the start of our relationship (which has actually been less than a year) that he has female friends. He has stopped hanging out with a lot of them, because he knew they bothered me, and he had no reason to hang out with them- they were kind of silly, flirty little relationships anyhow. However, he does have a couple of female friends he hangs out with, one in specific who I want to talk about here.

They were in the same program in school together and that is how they became friends. She is married, too. The last year they did not hang out a lot because we were actually living primarily in a different town, but have now moved back. When we WERE in town, I know he would meet with her for coffee sometimes. Sometimes he would tell me about it, and sometimes he would not. He did introduce me to her, and I like her and her husband just fine.

Well, last week, my husband had left his email open and I happened to see a subject line that sounded a little funny to me. So I looked at the email. He had gone by his friend's workplace and was emailing her to tell her sorry he missed her, and that now he was at a coffee shop and maybe she would come by. But this was even though he already had plans I knew about to see her later in the day. Her and her husband were moving, and he was going over early to help them, before his friend's husband would even be back from work, around 3pm. Everyone else was arriving to help at 5pm. So, he was already going to see just her that day for at least two hours but for some reason wanted to hang out with her earlier in the day, too, when he had told me he had a lot of work to get done. They sent about 5 little emails back and forth that day trying to figure out whether they could hang out during the day, and I am not sure whether they ever did. He would get mad if he knew I read his emails (even though it was open) and he nor she never mentioned them hanging out earlier in the day that day.

Now, last night, we were having a nice evening, and then he told me he had invited her over to our house for this morning to have coffee. He was stuck at home all day waiting for a maintenance man so he said he called her to come over and "keep him company." He invited me to stay and have coffee with them, too, saying I could get to know her better. But he knows that I work during the day, so he knew I would not be able to do that anyway. Plus I am not drinking much coffee now because I am pregnant. So it seemed kind of silly to me all around. Maybe my jealousy and uncomfortableness is unfounded. I think it probably is unfounded at a sexual level, at least. However, I still feel uncomfortable with him inviting his female friend over during the day to hang out with him at our very own house. Fine, if he invites her and her husband over for dinner, but he should ask me first anyhow. He asked me secondarily, and slapped on a "I should hang out with them too" but he knew I would be at work! Now I can't stop thinking about this, and I am spending time at work writing this message instead- haha. Please help- am I just toooo jealous, how can I talk to him about this without him getting defensive and me seeming like I am untrusting? It is not that I think they would do something sexually, I just am uncomfortable with him having that level of closeness with his female friends and I am worried what these things could do to our marriage. Thanks.

A few observations:

1) She's moving away, so he's probably wanting to spend more time with her before she leaves.

2) It doesn't sound like a harmless close friendship. You already snooped around his emails and there doesn't seem to be anything suspicious.

3) He's tells you that he hangs out with her, maybe not all the little details, but you generally know when he's hanging out with her. For example, that day when he invited her over to keep in company.

4) Since you haven't made a big deal that you are uncomfortable with his friendship, he obviously sees nothing wrong, so he continues to hang out with her.

5) It does sound like he spends a lot of time with her, but it sounds like the husband is around as well, so it's not like they are always one-on-one.

However, you should definitely confront him about your concerns. Let him know that you respect the fact that he has such a close friend, but it does make you uncomfortable sometimes. He'll probably say that you don't know her well enough and that it's a harmless friendship. So let him know that you understand his point of view, but you are uncomfortable about the closeness and he should act accordingly if he cared about you.

He is your husband, communication is the key to a strong marriage. So talk things out with him. I'm sure he will be understanding if you keep things calm and cool headed during your discussion with him.

I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. Tell him your super sensitive right now since You are CARRYING HIS CHILD! Address your concerns in the nicest way possible.

I think you are driving yourself crazy over this especially since you don't think anything is going on so why be uncomfortable.