A year ago my wife and I lived "apart" (in the same house) for a while. She couldn't stand my overbearing and impatient nature, and lack of attention to her problems over the years that had left her feeling unwanted and constantly undermined. She had been a stay at home mom and bringing up two kids alone while I worked long hours had not been easy on her. I worked on my short comings with a counselor and after about five months she felt the change and we reconciled. Life was good.

As part of my effort to support her building her professional career I took up a job that allowed me to work from home most of the time. Starting her career late meant that she had to work herself up the organization and deal with a boss and peers being several years younger to her. She felt a strong need to build an identity for herself and I supported her the best I could by giving her financial and personal freedom.

Work pressures became excessive at times and she brought those anxieties home more and more. I helped with "corporate advice" and kept the kids at bay over those times. Then about a month ago she totally switched off and stopped talking about work, her problems; had no interest in the kids and even me. Sex dropped to a minimum and she was detached at home. My 40th birthday and Xmas were largely a solo affair with her being a passive participant. Even our end of year vacation was no different. While I constantly brought up the issue subtly time and again over the last month I had never confronted her. Finally, I brought up the issue (or should I say bust a vein) on the new years eve. She reacted with a view that I was back to my old overbearing ways and the "change" was all cosmetic. This brought out the worst of the bad years in our marriage and in a few days she asked to leave with the kids.

It's been about 3 weeks since then and we still live under one roof for the kids but only barely. She won't talk to me... and this morning when we got into a discussion she told me that she hated me (in an extreme way) and never wanted to think about reconciliation ever again.

Would appreciate some thoughts on how do you deal with such a situation when there are kids involved (5 and 10 year olds). And needless to say I love my wife very much and am committed to my vows and the kids. My wife is not inclined to think about the impact on the kids at this time as she is consumed by her hatred for me and her own emotions.