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    Quest1970's Avatar
    Quest1970 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 17, 2013, 04:56 PM
    Wife has a male gay friend and I have a non-gay female friends
    My wife has a male gay friend that she is very chummy with. At times it makes me uncomfortable how well they get along. I do not feel threatened although I do feel cheated at times. When we were younger we had good times in the same fashion that they share minus the sexual factor. We have been married over 20 years and in my opinion we have a very good relationship. In regards to me I have female friends but I do not go out with them because it may make my wife uncomfortable. I am now reconsidering going out with these friends because I feel what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I want to know know your opinions in regards to this subject. Gay friend vs non-gay friends of the opposite sex. Thanks.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Dec 17, 2013, 05:19 PM
    Ask your wife before you take revenge for what makes you uncomfortable. That's the way I would handle it. Maybe you need reassurance for whatever reason.

    I do not feel threatened although I do feel cheated at times.
    Why? My wife and I both have gay/non gay friends. Both sexes. Fail to see what difference it makes. But then we know each others friends fairly well. We have always talked and defined the boundaries of good behavior, and are always fair to each other.

    Why is this a big deal and why do you feel cheated? How does she feel about you partying or whatever with your female friends? Does she know them well?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Dec 17, 2013, 05:20 PM
    First - your straight female friends are not the same as her gay female friends. So no, that's out.
    Second, this isn't a case for retaliation. It's something that needs to be talked about. A spouse can be just as jealous of time spent with someone a lot as they can over a sexual encounter. Sit down with her and tell her how you feel left out, unappreciated, whatever it is you feel. Do it in a productive way, such as working out a compromise on time. And you need to have more male friends, since it seems you don't have lesbian friends! Go do guy things with your buddies. If you just don't have any, start finding some. Neighbors, people at work?
    So she cuts back a little to spend more time with you, and you get out more with other guys.

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