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    Why do men cheat?

    Asked May 30, 2007, 12:42 PM — 17 Answers
    I don't understand why a woman continues to date a married man. The woman my husband got hooked up with knew from the start and that never bothered her. My husband told her he would never leave me. They were sneaking around together for a year then I found out and he left her. He apologizes and apologizes, its been 10 months and I am still having a hard time with it. We celebrated our 41st anniversary while they were together and according to his cell phone bills, he called her 5 times on our anniversary. Its things like that I'm having an issue with. Why didn't he break it off with her or why did he even begin this whole sorted mess. The reason he gave me was because he didn't want to hurt her!! Our two grown children know, and it has really hurt our family life with them. I need to hear from others in my shoes.

    Last edited by Betsy Mae; May 30, 2007 at 07:32 PM.
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    danielnoahsmommy's Avatar
    danielnoahsmommy Posts: 2,506, Reputation: 297
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    #2

    May 30, 2007, 12:45 PM
    The men are pigs and the women are dumb pigs
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    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #3

    May 30, 2007, 12:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy
    the men are pigs and the women are dumb pigs
    How wonderful... but I don't really know, but I have an idea. Mostly, people cheat because they are unhappy in their relationship. I'd never cheat, and I don't feel the need to so I don't get why other people do
    Check this out: Eish... why do people cheat?

    Your husband needs to choose, you or his whore. I can't believe he's doing this to you and your kids, especially since he called her on your anniversary! Screw him he doesn't deserve you or your children
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    fix-what-you-broke's Avatar
    fix-what-you-broke Posts: 305, Reputation: 61
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    #4

    May 30, 2007, 01:03 PM
    I cannot answer why men cheat, as I'm a woman, and I also cannot answer why women cheat, as I have never cheated, I have never had that urge to hurt somebody like that, so maybe my opinion doesn't count, but it interested me so I will give it a shot.
    I once asked my man why he cheated on me, I told him to tell me even if he thought it would hurt me to hear it.
    He told me he did it because I wasn't there, we were long distance at the time. That hurt like hell to hear.
    I would imagine that men cheat for a variety of reasons, something they may be lacking at home, lack of affection at home, usually though its because they can get away with it. I never understand when a man is happy with someone why they would go and risk losing that for the sake of a few cheap thrills and an orgasm.as in reality that's all it is.
    I can't imagine what you are going through, after 41 years I would imagine you are falling apart, and for me, it would be over, if I knew he had called her on our anniversary that would be it, no going back for me.
    Your children are grown so it wouldn't hurt them as much as if they were children, you have to think about you now, do you want to fogive him and move on? Do you want to leave him and move on with your life? I would leave.
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    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #5

    May 30, 2007, 01:05 PM
    My ex husband said he cheated on me for several reasons, usually different for each one. He had an affair with my sister shortly after our first daughter was stillborn. He did that, apparently, because I had changed since she died and my sister reminded him of the person I used to be! How lovely for him. He cheated on me several times after that, often using the excuse that I either wasn't giving him enough in the bedroom department (I feel so bad for him, I mean not only was I working two jobs while pregnant, but I also had our baby daughter to look after at home as he couldn't be bothered to!) or because he liked variety, one woman was too boring for him!

    Needless to say he is now almost my ex husband, and his girlfriend has cheated on him several times. As they say, what goes around..
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    kanicky73's Avatar
    kanicky73 Posts: 484, Reputation: 63
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    #6

    May 30, 2007, 01:05 PM
    When someone gets cheated on right away we go "what did I do, why would he do that to me?" There can be so many reasons. I personally have found out in my own life that communication in every single aspect of a relationship is truly the key. I don't mean to sound cliché but its true. I mean communicate about sex, feelings, frustrations, joys, sorrows, absolutely everything. The other person may feel more comfortable to come to you and say, hey Im not happy, first rather than going and cheating. At least that way you have a chance to fix whatever is making one or the other unhappy. When people become unhappy or bored in a relationship they usually don't go to their spouse and say, hey Im getting bored in our relationship. They just let it go and before you know it they are cheating. Speak up people, Communicate!! If it can be fixed it will work out. If feelings have all together changed, then that's a different story.
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    danielnoahsmommy's Avatar
    danielnoahsmommy Posts: 2,506, Reputation: 297
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    #7

    May 30, 2007, 01:07 PM
    Men cheat perhaps they are insecure about themselves and these women they are with validate them in some way. The same could be said for the women they cheat with. What about the women that take them back?
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    momtofour's Avatar
    momtofour Posts: 48, Reputation: 16
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    #8

    May 30, 2007, 01:25 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kanicky73
    There can be so many reasons. I personally have found out in my own life that communication in every single aspect of a relationship is truly the key. I dont mean to sound cliche but its true. I mean communicate about sex, feelings, frustrations, joys, sorrows, absolutely everything.
    I could NOT Agree with you more. I think you nailed it. I am so tired of people making excuses! Talk Talk and more talk. The man I am married to never speaks about his feelings or his wants and desires. He bottles it all up and in the end has led to the end of our marriage. Most of the time these guys find seomething that they are missing in their marriage, i.e. great sex, someone who thinks they are funny etc.. When in reality they already have it but are too inward to continue to communicate and find the laughter and the great sex that they had at the beginning of their current marriage.. Sooo sad.
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    tobeamiss's Avatar
    tobeamiss Posts: 65, Reputation: 17
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    #9

    May 30, 2007, 01:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by momtofour
    Most of the time these guys find seomething that they are missing in their marriage, ie great sex, someone who thinks they are funny etc.. When in reality they already have it but are too inward to continue to communicate and find the laughter and the great sex that they had at the beginning of their current marriage.. Sooo sad.
    My thoughts exactly.
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    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #10

    May 30, 2007, 03:13 PM
    Some men cheat just because it is there for the taking. They have no conscious about it, it means little to nothing, just some free sex. Like a different topping on the ice cream. Something macho in it for them. I don't know how they do it, but they can totally separate their family from their fling without any apparent morals. Like dogs.
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    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
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    #11

    May 30, 2007, 03:15 PM
    I truly don't know why people cheat. I think some people see a wedding ring as a challenge. I think people get a thrill out of doing something wrong.

    I know what you are feeling. When you see the calls on your anniversary. I look at pictures of me and my husband that were taken when he was having an affair. I look at the smile on his face and think that it was a lie. The emotion that was painted on his face was not real. I had to put the pictures away.
    You have to put that out of your mind. I know it is hard. You decided to stay - so you have to put it behind you for your own sanity.
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    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #12

    May 31, 2007, 03:11 AM
    I agree entirely with the wedding anniversary thing. The day before our first wedding anniversary my husband took me out for a meal (it was my birthday) and told me that he wants to have his girlfriend, but still wants me and the kids at home to be his family! The next day, our first wedding anniversary, we went out for a meal and he spent most of the evening texting his little tart. Nice eh! I can look back and laugh now, we were not together long enough for it to still hurt so bad, and I am thankful for that!
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    rachie's Avatar
    rachie Posts: 38, Reputation: 6
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    #13

    May 31, 2007, 01:46 PM
    I wish I could tell you.:( I have been a victim as well, don't you feel used and stupid?
    I agree, the men are pigs, and the women are stupid pigs. That was priceless. No offense, but your husband doesn't sound like someone worth staying with... but that is your decision. If you can live with that, fine... but if not, don't punish him and yourself forever... move on. The world is full of so many other wonderful people and ways to keep yourself busy and make a difference. Be a foster parent... adopt a dog... get a volunteer job and teach kids to read... screw the liar, you're much better than that.
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    Jualsy's Avatar
    Jualsy Posts: 26, Reputation: 3
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    #14

    May 31, 2007, 01:54 PM
    There doesn't have to be a reason why this happens, it just could be that men want to do it, and lets face it, along with everything else today, its accepted generally speaking. Taken for granted almost.
    Standards have gone downhill and this is the price we pay, but looking back in History men always seem to have been allocated the right to cheat for some reason. I guess it depends on the individual whether he wants to stay faithful... a rare animal today!
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    DonaldM_23's Avatar
    DonaldM_23 Posts: 86, Reputation: 10
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    #15

    Sep 18, 2008, 02:56 PM
    To be honest speaking from a male point of view. Please don't take this the wrong way but, it seem that your husband loves the exitement. Being married for a long period is a blessing and you should be commended for that. Your husband needs to realize that a fling or cheating leads to bad things. You need to show him that he's about to lose the love of his live and get of that banana car and go home to his lexus. Lol
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    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #16

    Sep 22, 2008, 10:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by shygrneyzs View Post
    Some men cheat just because it is there for the taking. . . . I don't know how they do it, but they can totally separate their family from their fling without any apparent morals. Like dogs.
    My ex once said to me that if a woman made herself available to him then it wasn't really cheating, only if he pursued her. I have no idea how he decided which was which since he flirted with and flattered every woman he met.

    Of course, then he hastily said that was his OLD code and he didn't believe that since marrying me. So unconvincing!
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    Dragonfly1234's Avatar
    Dragonfly1234 Posts: 161, Reputation: 49
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    #17

    Sep 23, 2008, 07:38 AM

    I agree with everything that's been said so far but I'd also like to add something; I think part of the problem is that our biology is fighting the social rules which we live by. Biologically speaking, we are made to procreate, men are made to spread their seed and women are made to bare children, and biologically speaking, not necessarily with just one partner. But socially speaking, we are meant to be devoted to one person only for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, these two aspects are in constant battle. I have been in a happy and fulfilling relationship with my spouse for 8 years and have never cheated. That said, I have found it challenging at times and think that it can require a certain amount of effort to keep yourself and your relationship in check. Whether it's by working on communicating as others have said or by working on yourself or by improving areas in the relationship that need improvement. Because nature dictates that while you are devoted to one person, you can all the while be attracted to another, the way to avoid cheating is to realise that cheating IS a possibility. By knowing that I am capable of looking at another man and feeling an attraction towards him, I know not to entertain a relationship with someone I feel drawn to, that sort of thing.
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    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
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    #18

    Sep 23, 2008, 01:44 PM

    I wonder - that if a person truly knew what effect their affair would have on the person/people they vowed to love and be LOYAL to - forever - if they would still have an affair?

    If they got past the "feel good" moment and really understood the impact of their actions - would they still go forward?
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