Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
    babybum's Avatar
    babybum Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 9, 2011, 08:14 AM
    What should I do when my husband takes too much care his family?
    My husband has one sister and one brother. They both has a job now but he still want to support them. He pays for their car insurance every month. We have a condo for rent, because we live in different state.

    His sister just keeps asking to move in the condo without paying. I told him that we can't afford 2 mortgages at the same time, but he decides to let his sister move in without payment, while it is not necessary, because her parent's house still have room for her. I don't know what to tell my husband to get him understand, that it is not necessary to take care of them, while they can take care of themselves.

    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert

    Aug 9, 2011, 01:26 PM

    The problem with kindness is that it can come back to bite you. What was the goal the sister had in mind when she wanted to live rent free? If she is attending school and he wants to help support her so she can focus on studies that is admirable thinking. But if she just wants to freeload and get out of paying rent then that is a bad thing. Your husband sounds like a good person but also he may have lost focus on the true goals.

    Giving a helping hand is much different then giving a handout. You need to talk to him about goals that not only yourself and him share but also the goal of what he is trying to accomplish by helping the others. When compassion bleeds over a person can quickly become an enabler. That is a very bad spot to be in.

    Somehow (you know best) you both need to communicate your needs and goals to each other.
    xania's Avatar
    xania Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Aug 10, 2011, 05:58 PM
    Unfortunately, you're going to have to accept this until his family members let him down so badly, that he stops on his own. The more you keep trying to get him to stop helping them, the more tension this will create. I know this because my aunt used to bug my uncle about paying for his nephew's college (he went for YEARS and still hasn't finished) and for helping out his parents when there were others at their house who could and should have worked. People who are generous like that don't give up easily. My mom is like that as well and now that she's in her fifties she is BARELY starting to be a bit more selfish. She used to pay for a lot of things for my grandparents and other family members, and has quite a few siblings who could've helped but looked the other way. Eventually it does start to bother them that their efforts are in vain and they are being taken for granted. Stand by your husband when he realizes this and be supportive.

    I hope you find the examples I gave relevant. It's just one of those things that's going to take time.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692

    Aug 10, 2011, 06:00 PM

    You will either have to put your foot down and demand he stop or he will suffer your wrath, if that is kicked out of the bedroom or other things you can do to make his life miserable.

    That is about your only choice. He should understand that he is hurting you, and not making that the most important
    Helpful_guy's Avatar
    Helpful_guy Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 13, 2011, 01:06 AM
    Its hard to convince your husband otherwise. I think you are in for a difficult ride.If you force he will just misunderstand you and worst part is his brother and sister will think you as an enemy. So best way is to talk to your husband to reduce the support or start your own savings!! You find innovative ways of spending his money so he has less available fund for them? Are you working or he is the only earning member?

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions


Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.

Check out some similar questions!

Dying husband and his family doesn't seem to care unless its convenient! [ 27 Answers ]

Hello. This is my first time posting here. I am looking for some opinions from people other than family members regarding this situation: My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 years ago and was not given long to live. At that time, his family called, sent cards but nothing more than...

Tax implication on house transfer to son who takes care of Dad [ 3 Answers ]

I live in Ohio, we have taken care of my father-in-law in his house for the past 4 years. We have been advised that the house may be transferred to my husband because we have kept him from a nursing home. He has Alzhiemer's disease. If we transfer the house will there be any taxes we have to pay...

Dad takes care of his mother, credit card debt [ 2 Answers ]

My grandmother is 97, she lives with my Dad and he takes care of her. He is retired and only receives SSI and a pension. He is an authorized user on her credit cards and uses them sometimes for her healthcare etc. Upon her death would he be responsible for the credit cards. She has no estate,...

View more questions Search