Yes as you read... I want to move out of my parents house.. I never liked living with my parents.. they were good parents but for some reason I never liked living with them.. any way I got married and I have three kids 5,4, and a 2year old. About 2 yrs ago we moved in with my mother to help with the rent and stuff but my dad doesn't want to work anymore and my mother struggles too much, with the money and all that... I will keep helping as much as I can but, I will be 30 soon and I don't want to live here anymore.. I hate it I fell like I hate everybody , I fell to blame my mom and dad for my unhappiness. So I asked my husband to move out I told him idon't care if I have to give all my check for baby sitting or I have to quit the job that I very much love doing as long as we can have our own place. I had been making plans looking for places to go and schools and everything I think we can very well afford living on our own but he just says OK but when I show him my plan he is all buts and buts... I feel like living him take the children and go, but I can't afford it on my own , he makes twice as much as I do so, yes, I need him and his money to move out... but I don't want him here if we have to stay...
Please help...

I agree with you, two years is long past the 'guest' stay, and that is what you, your husband, and your three children are, guests. I assume that your parents provide free babysitting as well? And your mother works, and your father doesn't, thus a very big burden on her. I appreciate that you realize that changes must be made, and the work you have done to find accommodation, schools, etc.

As a married couple,the income you and your husband earn, is combined- it doesn't matter who makes more, everything goes into the same pot. It is the total that counts, and how that money is used to provide for your own family.

I can understand your anger after two years, with no reason in particular, your husband has dug in his heels, and isn't onboard about moving. You're really between a rock and a hard place with him. You need the combined income to afford to live with your family on your own, yet, if he continues to not budge, you will need to stay where you are until you can see your way through on your own, to leave your parents home. I too would be questioning a man who is unwilling, or not capable, of supporting his family (when he easily can), in his own home.

I think you are questioning him, and his motives, as much as you are questioning your living arrangements if I read you right. Do you have any idea why he won't budge?

My advice to you is to take this one step at a time. Tell him that you plan to move say, September 1st. With or without him. He may come around and get onboard if he knows you are serious. You might want to consider the consequence to him not budging, of a separation until he can get his priorities in order. And that would mean him moving out of your parents' home.

Either way, September 1st is going to be moving day for you, him, and the children, or moving day for him. Until support can be established, and you have enough money coming in to move on your own with the children, stay with your parents, and plan your own life, apart from him.

I am sure there must be more problems that just accommodation. And I hope that despite him having a very good income on his own, that you know where the money is going, and how much is in the bank. Be prepared with knowing exactly where you stand financially, which will be the most important thing. I don't know what else has gone on between the two of you, but there must be more to his reluctance in moving- he benefits more by staying than leaving- and it nags at me as to, why.

More detail on that front would be helpful in gaining a bigger, clearer picture of what you are facing right now, and why things have come to such a head.

I agree with Jake, but I am wondering if there is any background information that you have left out.

You say that you originally moved back in to help your parents with rent. Do they own their home or are they renting? Is it time for them to find a smaller more affordable place to live? Why doesn't your father want to work? Why is he out of work?

Were you doing well living on your own before you moved back in? Was your financial situation part of why you made the choices you did two years ago? I ask be cause you said, "... I think we can very well afford living on our own... ' It makes me question how much you needed to make the move.

I do note that your youngest seems to have been born about the time you moved in with your parents. Was that a factor?

What were the expectations when you moved in? Were there any time limits or agreements made?

How far away from your parents' home are you looking at moving? Does distance play a part in why your husband might not want to move?

Have you tried getting him to help you look for a new place or do you keep telling him what you want?

How realistic are your plans? I mean, you are talking about day to day living in a home that will support five people, daycare/school expenses, possibly quitting your job, helping your mother, etc. Do you have enough set aside for moving expenses, turning on utilities, rent (first and last as many places require), security deposits (do you have any pets that would be making the move?), furniture, etc.

WELL thanks for all of your advice and to answer to your question . Yes we have enough money to move out and pay at least 4 months in rent bills deposit and gas. Also, yes, my mom helps with the baby sitting but not for free, we will be able to afford more thing because I won't have to buy groceries for 10 but just for us 5. because my brother and 2 sister live here too. My mom usually don't cook so if I cook it has to be for everyone. And about the rent , yes we rent the house my mom doesn't want to move to an apartment. And my dad just got 40,000 from the sale of land that he inherited from my grandpa. He was supposed to open a little business with that but the money is gone so that's not going to happen.so think that it might be the distance the reason why my husband don't want to move, he said he doesn't want to drive much, I want to live at least 40 minutes away because if I live 10 or 20 minutes away I will have someone over everyday, and I'm really tired. I want to spend time alone with my husband or the kids or just the family. I don't want to go out and always have to have someone come with us . Or maybe I want to go buy a toy for the kids and don't want to feel bad because I didn't get one for my sister. Or buy food and eat at home and spend 50 dollars rather than 100. Is too much , I don't have anything here, I can't even buy a picture frame because my dad get mad if I make a hole in the wall, it doesn't feel like home, I really want to go. My parents changd they were not like this when I was little. I just want to have a plece that I can come in after work and relax and see family pictures in the wall. Some art work on the fridge , flower on the table you know a real place to call home.

I do understand. I just wanted to make certain that all bases were covered so that moving out didn't put you in a worse position.

It sounds like you have said these things to your husband several times, but I don't think he quite understands. Does he help out or is he adding to the work load?

Can you find a compromise on the distance? Would he help you set and keep visitation rules for your house if you were closer than 40 minutes away?

Would you feel comfortable letting him see what you have written here? Could it help him to see just how much the current living arrangements are negatively affecting you if he sees that you are asking strangers for advice? Does he realize how much of your personal resources are being used by the others in the house? If you showed him a spreadsheet of where your money and time is currently going, would that be an eye opener for him? Would it help him see how little quality time you appear to have for your children and marriage?

Good luck and I hope it doesn't come down to ultimatums to get him to understand the emotional as well as financial cost of keeping the current living arrangements.

I think it's timem to move, and far enough away that it isn't too easy for someone to just drop by on their way from the corner store. From a distance, it will be easier to say to call first. But too close, and you can expect that you will be running an open house. Changing the closeness, I think, is essential in establishing your own home and your own comfort level.

What's with your husband. Is he saying if you move 40 minutes away, that's just too much of a drive for him? Sounds like he has it easy right now, and has become used to everything being taken care of for him. He really needs to step up and support this plan to have your own independence. You are in a very awkward position as you've stated, and I am not understanding what his reluctance is, and why he cannot see that moving is the best thing for all concerned.

Including your parents. They too need to find, by the means they have, a place they can afford, and keep up. Without your help. It sounds like they too have become dependent upon you. I can't think of any good reason why you should not be actively seeking out a new place to live, for just your family.