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    lonely_soul's Avatar
    lonely_soul Posts: 7, Reputation: 0
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    #1

    Sep 8, 2007, 03:19 AM
    Unfaithful wife
    I cheated on my husband last night,I have slept with another man while my husband was away, I feel real bad... I didn't eat anything till now. The story goes like this:
    My husband traveled to another country on a business trip, then while I was shopping I saw this man who used to be my ex boyfriend four years ago, we were happy to see each other, we went to a drink, then he invited me over his apartment, apartment I told him I got married and we were just chillin drinking and talking, then one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex... I woke up this morning feeling real guilty and cold, empty from inside, wishing to die for what I have done, I don't know what to do, to cease the pain I feel right now, I am dying slowly... please tell me what to do, should I tell my husband and ask for his forgiveness, or just try to forget about it and go one with my life and promise myself not to do it again..
    MayMsredrose's Avatar
    MayMsredrose Posts: 189, Reputation: 13
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    #2

    Sep 8, 2007, 06:08 AM
    Well am not sure what is going to happen or how your husband will react after he knew that you cheated on him... it's better you forget about what happen last night with a promise to yourself that you will never do it again no matter what was the circumstances...

    Ms. Redrose
    lost in translation's Avatar
    lost in translation Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Sep 8, 2007, 06:10 AM
    I would say go speak with some confidants of yours. How much do you value your husband, your relationship, your life with him? Have you thought about talking to a counselor (via phone if not in person)?
    LivingtheLifeinFLA's Avatar
    LivingtheLifeinFLA Posts: 137, Reputation: 29
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    #4

    Sep 8, 2007, 06:23 AM
    I would let sleeping dogs lie. Do not tell any of your friends and cut all ties with the ex. Tell him no contact. If friends know they have something on you.

    Just chill.
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #5

    Sep 8, 2007, 07:25 AM
    Hello.

    Your in a bad place right now. You have to look at a few things like did anyone see you with him. How would your husband react if you told him. The big question is what is going to let you live with what you did.

    You have to live with how you deal with this, if you lie / don't say anything will that eat you up inside. Is there any possible way your husband could find out about this, is there any possible way your ex will want you back and push to get you back.

    As you can see the deck is stacked for you telling him before he finds out another way. He will find out, many people say they did things in the past and their husband / wife never found out. I would say 90% of the husbands / wife's knew something happened but didn't say anything about it.

    Lets look at this in another way... If you can do this and not feel guilt (that he will see in you) for doing it then are you really in Love with your husband.

    Dennis777
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Sep 8, 2007, 07:36 AM
    The questions I have are the following:

    1) How old are you?
    2) How long have you been married?
    3) Describe your relationship with your father? Your prents?
    4) Describe your marriage.. Ups and Downs... Good and bad?
    5) Has this happened before/
    6) How much does your husband travel?
    7) How often are you intimate with him usually a week?
    8) Did you use protection with your EX?
    9) What do you/your husband do for a living?
    10) Descibe your best friend.

    Answer these ?'s and I will give you a precise answer.
    Thanks!

    Hang in there...
    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #7

    Sep 8, 2007, 07:48 AM
    get your reddies stαrted

    Where wαs thαt feeling before you fell on your bαck

    To me it seems not like the first time you've cheαted (hαve you cheαted in previous relαtionships?) if so this is α pαttern, your husbαnd needs to know-- don't cover it up.. tell him-- you reαp whαt you sow..

    In my blunt opinion: cheαting pisses me off.. αnd yeα you feel bαd but who cαres your guilty.. good you did wrong-- you don't deserve α pαt on the bαck becαuse you recognized you did wrong.. your husbαnd needs to know he hαs the right to know.. whαtever decision he tαkes to stαy or leαve is whαt your going hαve to fαce-- just remember you reαp whαt you sow..

    If you see αdmitting to him αs α wαy to cleαr your conscience your going the wrong wαy lαdy.. you done him wrong proved to him thαt your vαlues of mαrriαge αre obviously not cleαr αnd obviously you lαck trustworthiness, honesty αnd fαithfulness..

    Seek counseling with or without your husbαnd
    lonely_soul's Avatar
    lonely_soul Posts: 7, Reputation: 0
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    #8

    Sep 8, 2007, 09:01 AM
    Saraispie you are right, I did wrong, but don't judge people, I used to judge people rudely like you but now I am in their shoe.
    Ash123 thank you for your concern but I can't answer your questions, too much informations, you might be my husband or related to him.
    The rest thank you all, I will take the advice of not telling my husband, because I love him so much and I know that if I tell him he will never forgive me, and I can't afford losing him.. I will pray for God to forgive my sins and the secret will die with me, I told my ex that I don't want anything to do with him and that it was a mistake, I know him well he will never push to get me back if it will ruin my life...
    Thank you all for not ignoring my question.
    macksmom's Avatar
    macksmom Posts: 1,787, Reputation: 152
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    #9

    Sep 8, 2007, 09:16 AM
    This is a torn situation. You really need to think this all through and look at the pros and cons of it all.

    Sure, the easy way is to not tell him... to never tell him... to keep that skeleton in the closet and pretend all is well in your world.

    But you need to think long and hard, is keeping that secert something that is going to tear you apart inside, and inevitably cause problems in your marriage. Think about it... you are being dishonest with your husband, you have broken the trust that is to exist in a marriage, it is going to be in the back of your head always. Is not being honest with your husband, something you can deal with when you look into his eyes?

    Keeping this secret may be something that ends your marriage by itself, it will be more hurtful if it comes to light down the road, and he knows you weren't honest with him. At least you could tell him and try to work through it together, otherwise your marriage is based on lies and dishonesty.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Sep 8, 2007, 09:17 AM
    I understand. Good luck.

    But I would suggest digging deeper... with someone or yourself.
    lonely_soul's Avatar
    lonely_soul Posts: 7, Reputation: 0
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    #11

    Sep 8, 2007, 10:19 AM
    macksmom, why are you making it hard to me, I wish nothing like that happened, and I feel so guilty, please don't force me to think of killing myself, I am dying slowly already... God forgives, why can't people forgive? What do you want me to do now? You are saying something wrong will happen and he will know, what if he didn't? Put yourself in my place, and feel my pain. I was stupid enough to do what I have done, and I have to live with it the rest of my life, I just want another chance and I promise I will never do it again. Please do understand my setuation...
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert
     
    #12

    Sep 8, 2007, 11:41 AM
    Once you cheat you can never go back. If anyone is thinking of cheating please remember this, please.

    Beyond all the potential harm and damage to those you love or you are involved with, cheating puts a "crack" in what may have been a solid foundation and will weaken it forever. Things will never be the same for you or your partner because now you have changed, and that alone will change the relationship.

    I'm sorry if this is cruel but this is something very personal for me, my first wife cheated and it was devastating. She didn't have to tell me although she did eventually, I sensed it almost immediately.

    "If you don't stand for something-----you WILL fall for everything." I am really not trying to sound high and mighty or too judgmental, and I apologize if I sound that way. But I have never cheated, although I have had clear opportunities over the years. All I'm saying is what does it all mean if we can't keep our promises, especially to those we say we love?
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #13

    Sep 8, 2007, 01:55 PM
    Without answering ANY questions, I can't help... See if any can be answered.

    The reason I ask is that there are many different scenarios for why things happen and what the result will be - and if I can sort out the dynamic of your marriage I can ascertain how for you to get stronger - and not weaker.
    macksmom's Avatar
    macksmom Posts: 1,787, Reputation: 152
    Ultra Member
     
    #14

    Sep 8, 2007, 07:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lonely_soul
    macksmom, why r u making it hard to me, i wish nothing like that happened, and i feel so guilty, please don't force me to think of killing my self, i am dying slowly already...God forgives, why can't people forgive? what do u want me to do now? u r saying something wrong will happen and he will know, what if he didn't? put ur self in my place, and feel my pain. i was stupid enough to do what i have done, and i have to live with it the rest of my life, i just want another chance and i promise i will never do it again. Please do understand my setuation......
    Honey I'm not making it hard on you... you did that yourself. I understand that you may be sorry, and will never do it again etc. But the fact is that you DID do it. The deed is already done and can't be undone. Hiding the fact won't change that... it won't go away. Like I said, it will most likely tear you apart inside, because you know you haven't been honest with your husband.

    If you are asking me to forgive why can't you ask that of your husband... we are not judging you here.

    I am not telling you something definitely will happen... but hiding the truth from your husband isn't part of a marriage, and is bound to cause problems down the road. For example... if you don't tell him, and you get away with him never knowing... won't you ever think that he could do the same thing? Those questions are going to torment you.

    You say you want another chance, but that's not what hiding it will do. Hiding the fact that you slept with another man is not giving you a second chance... that only comes from being honest with your husband and him being able to give that chance to you.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #15

    Sep 8, 2007, 08:36 PM
    I feel sorry for your husband!
    Stop chasing too much fun now, learn to be content! What goes around, comes around!
    I wish there is a law in this country that spouse who cheat gets caught can be sued!!
    Grayson301's Avatar
    Grayson301 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Sep 8, 2007, 10:52 PM
    Well you should feel bad and then be honest with yourself you were lonely and wanted companionship...
    DONOT hide it,it will do more damage later then now tell him then suck it up and face the fire.. you just might be surprised at what happens..
    Had my wife been honest and upfront I would have forgave her sooner... eight years later we are friends again and have relations from time to time while we do what we want.. we are not married because she wasn't honest about her's..
    Ask him to forgive you and then don't get upset if it takes him a long time to fully trust you again because the trust will be broken for a time

    Good luck and don't lie
    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #17

    Sep 9, 2007, 01:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lonely_soul
    Saraispie u r right, i did wrong, but don't judge people, i used to judge people rudely like u but now i am in their shoe...
    So your α hypocrite too?. I'm not being rude I'm being blunt αnd sorry I'm not sαying "oh well gee αt leαst you feel bαd hun.. it's okαy.."-- hα! You need more thαn α slαp on the wrist.. αnd there αre plenty of people thαt would think so-- including your husbαnd!

    Quote Originally Posted by lonely_soul
    The rest thank u all, i will take the advice of not telling my husband, because i love him so much and i know that if i tell him he will never forgive me, and i can't afford losing him.....
    Your plαying with fire lαdy--αnd guess whαt your going to get burned.. whomever told you to not tell your husbαnd obviously gαve you BAD αdvice! How cαn you decieve someone you love? How cαn you lie to him everydαy.. see him in the fαce knowing you destroyed the purity of your mαrriαge? -- your simply sweeping the dirt under the rug.. lαdy your gonnα hαve bigger problems.. don't tαke the eαsy wαy out or whαt is good-right-now becαuse you'll deαl with something bigger lαter αnd I cαn bet my own α-- thαt he will be leαving yours if he finds out from someone else or lαter!!

    Quote Originally Posted by lonely_soul
    I will pray for God to forgive my sins and the secret will die with me..
    I'm sorry but god sαys to confess your sins -- not only to him but to whom you did wrong.. not only do you hαve to mαke right with your husbαnd but to god αs well.. why αre you αsking for god's forgiveness mαy I αsk-- αre you in some sort of religious αffliαtion?-- god-feαring people αsk for forgiveness so they cαn go to heαven.. hiding/denying your sins will just leαve you condemned.. αsk αny pαstor or look online. Here's α source: The forgiveness of sin by God

    Quote Originally Posted by lonely_soul
    i told my ex that i don't want anything to do with him and that it was a mistake, i know him well he will never push to get me back if it will ruin my life
    You don't know thαts the thing-- you don't know the motives of αnyone's heαrt.. I bet your husbαnd "knows" thαt you wouldn't cheαt on him.. yet you did.. whαt mαkes you think he won't sαy αnything or it might slip up in α conversαtion which lαter ends up in your husbαnds eαrs..

    You mαy not believe in kαrmα but there is something out there thαt mαkes whαtever you do come bαck bαck to you.. beαt it! Tell your husbαnd-- it's eαsier sαid thαn done but it's the right thing-- in this you will show him you love him [by not hαving dαngerous secrets]

    Good luck to yα <3
    saraispiel19's Avatar
    saraispiel19 Posts: 670, Reputation: 115
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    #18

    Sep 9, 2007, 03:43 PM
    Stringer agrees: You are 100% correct saraispiel19; I may have missed it if this was brought up BUT no matter what she thinks she could have already done more damage---what about STD's
    Not only STD's my friend but unwαnted pregnαncy, even losing respect from people, building α bαd rep. losing trust, being doubted or second-guessed upon.. there αre plenty of things.. the list goes on.. every crime comes with α price.
    Grayson301's Avatar
    Grayson301 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #19

    Sep 9, 2007, 05:50 PM
    To take Saraispiel19's saying:
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid but some people αbuse the priviledge-- I'll be sure to tell you if you αre:)
    Mrs. unfaithful,
    You may not be able to hide the deed, and it is WRITTEN "the deeds done in the Dark are soon brought into the light".
    TELL THE TRUTH it hurts him more the longer you wait
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #20

    Sep 9, 2007, 06:09 PM
    Feels like a bit of piling on at this point... But maybe that's just me.

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