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    MiaJacobs85's Avatar
    MiaJacobs85 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 6, 2011, 03:58 AM
    I think my husband is cheating on me
    I found some evidence that my husband was cheating, I checked his phone to see and found 3 texts from this woman called Jessica I've never met her or heard of her so I knew she couldn't of just been a friend of my husbands I read the texts and they were dirty messages I felt so ashamed. We have 4 children, Oliver 11, Hollie 9, Ellie 4, Samuel 2. What shall I do? Shall I confront him?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Oct 6, 2011, 04:15 AM
    'Confront' has connotations of antagonism and anger. Even if you feel those feelings, you need to keep them in check until you know the truth. There is always room for error in any story. So yes, do talk with him, do tell him what you saw, and don't let him turn it back on you for looking at his phone.
    Be prepared for what you will do if you don't believe what he says. That is usually the worst fear, not hearing a total confession. Again, try to keep a lid on your emotions if you don't think he's being truthful, just say that what he says doesn't gibe with what you saw. He may lie for the simple reason that he thinks you will think he's having an affair when he isn't. But who knows? It's never easy.

    Some men do engage in dirty talk with women without taking it further, and with no intentions of taking it further, just for the titillation, like watching porn. Most men really do like sexy sex whereas most women like romance and cuddling. Allow a spot in your thinking and understanding for all this, even if it's not something you want to have to put up with, and shouldn't have to. Texting a woman he knows (presuming he does) is riskier than watching strangers online because it can lead to more. So of course he should stop. The fact that he didn't hide his phone or delete the texts indicates something - either he wanted you to find them or it isn't as serious as you fear.
    0rphan's Avatar
    0rphan Posts: 1,282, Reputation: 240
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    #3

    Oct 6, 2011, 10:22 AM
    You found these texts but I'm wondering why you went through his phone to start with!
    Has his behavior changed toward you,is he more responsive in the bedroom department or does he turn over and go to sleep?

    If he is more responsive toward you in the bedroom department,it could be what is known as"cheeky chat" which some men find a big turn on,it doesn't necessarily mean he is having an affair.
    Think about that area in your marriage,do you think it needs spicing up a bit? If you answer this with an honest yes, then rather than him having an affair he uses these messages.It could be that he wanted you to find them or he didn't imagine you would go through his messages.

    I think at some point you need to mention these messages asking for an explanation,but before that I personally would make a note of the number and phone it,when he's not around,you can always make out it's a wrong number or ask for somebody or say "oh sorry who have i rung then i wanted the local hair salon".
    If you do this you will know what or who it is.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #4

    Oct 6, 2011, 01:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by 0rphan View Post
    You found these texts but i'm wondering why you went through his phone to start with!!
    Has his behavior changed toward you,is he more responsive in the bedroom department or does he turn over and go to sleep?

    If he is more responsive toward you in the bedroom department,it could be what is known as"cheeky chat" which some men find a big turn on,it doesn't neccessarily mean he is having an affair.
    Think about that area in your marriage,do you think it needs spicing up a bit? if you answer this with an honest yes, then rather than him having an affair he uses these messages.It could be that he wanted you to find them or he didn't imagine you would go through his messages.

    I think at some point you need to mention these messages asking for an explanation,but before that i personally would make a note of the number and phone it,when he's not around,you can always make out it's a wrong number or ask for somebody or say "oh sorry who have i rung then i wanted the local hair salon".
    If you do this you will know what or who it is.

    I an investigator - I work matrimonial cases frequently.

    Some men kick up their sex life at home to cover the fact that they have a sex life somewhere else with someone else. It's not all about "cheeky chat."

    And phoning the "other woman" is never a good idea. She already KNOWS the other woman is engaging in sexual conversations. Her issue isn't with the "other woman." It's with her husband. So she calls the number and finds out who it is. I don't see that that matters.

    Her issue is with her husband, not with the other woman. He made promises. The other woman didn't.

    In the US you can't start calling numbers and pretending you have the wrong number unless you want problems of your own.

    Do I think this is cheating? Yes. Is it my husband? No, so my opinion does not matter.

    Ask him - he knows. You have three children and presumably share a life. Ask him. Be prepared to explain why you're snooping on his phone.

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