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    Jamals7's Avatar
    Jamals7 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 12, 2017, 01:00 PM
    Need some advice
    What should I do?

    Hello, usually I don't like posting my private life but seems as though I could really use help.

    My wife celebrated her birthday yesterday. We went to the Spa - me, her friend, a friend of mine and my wife. We left at 2:15 as my wife and her friend had lunch set for 2:45. I am not much of a Spa person so we left as I had to go pick up the cup cakes for the birthday.
    We wine to my friends house and a had a BBQ as we waited for a few hours. At that time I didn't drink at all.
    I picked up my wife and went to her cousins house who lived near the place we were going for diner. Over there we had a shot and a beer. We went to the restaurant and my wife ordered 2 bottles of champagne and appetizers which was fine as we have to thank our guests for coming. Over there I had a shot and half a beer. Sober as a dog! But I have got drunk precious years at her birthday so this year I made sure I was not.
    Instead of a cake I got 2 customized cup cakes for her and her cousin for there birthday and mini cup cakes for all the guests. I didn't think that was a bad idea. I went to feed my and accidentally poked her eye. Everyone left. I paid out portion which was pricey and we dropped her cousin home, hung out for a bit and left.
    On the car ride she kept saying turn here but I know so I snapped at her. Perhaps I shouldn't have but I was getting annoyed.

    This morning we got into a huge argument regarding last night. She said I was drunk and NO I was not and I fought that. I told her I had 4 drinks and that's it. She was mad about the cupcake instead of a cake. I bought her a beautiful watch that everyone loved, but she said she didn't want a watch and told me that before but I had already bought the watch. By the her watch is very old and warn out.
    She said I didn't do anything and she planned it all. Yes she did plan it but st the same time when I do something for my birthday I plan it myself.

    I feel like I am picking in things now but she did not get me a cake for my birthday, and I didn't say anything nor cared. For my birthday we went out of town, and she was mad because we spend so much money, but she doesn't realize her birthday cost just as much but I did not say anything.

    I really love my wife, and yes I know I am not perfect, and to be honest I have a track record that shows so. But I made a solid effort last night and yet she is mad, upset, and when that happens I shut down.

    Anyone have any advice or anything to help me with?

    Thanks,

    Al
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,086, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #2

    Mar 12, 2017, 01:13 PM
    Let it pass. You had a fight, stuff happens, so let the dust settle, everyone cool off, and make it up later.

    Isn't that how you've dealt with fights before?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    Mar 12, 2017, 01:33 PM
    If anyone, even a spouse, claims you were drunk, chances are you were. Even if you hadn't poked her in the eye.
    Despite details, 2 shots and a beer and a half, not saying how much Champagne of 2 bottles you had out of 4 of you, you then say you had 4 drinks. I think you think you are being clear, but you aren't. The only way this adds up to 4 drinks is if you had only half a glass of Champagne.

    But I agree with above - let it pass. It's a little puzzling that you chose this incident out of thousands to ask total strangers about.
    You don't say how old you are, which matters. The older you get, the easier it is to get plastered.
    grammadidi's Avatar
    grammadidi Posts: 1,182, Reputation: 468
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Apr 17, 2017, 02:42 PM
    I would bring/send her a wonderful bouquet (unless she's allergic!) with a note telling her something like: "All I really wanted to do for your birthday is make you feel like you are the most loved person in the world. I'm sorry if I hurt you. What can I do to make it right?"

    Good luck!
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #5

    Apr 18, 2017, 08:06 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jamals7 View Post
    What should I do?

    I feel like I am picking in things now but she did not get me a cake for my birthday, and I didn't say anything nor cared. For my birthday we went out of town, and she was mad because we spend so much money, but she doesn't realize her birthday cost just as much but I did not say anything.

    I really love my wife, and yes I know I am not perfect, and to be honest I have a track record that shows so. But I made a solid effort last night and yet she is mad, upset, and when that happens I shut down.

    Anyone have any advice or anything to help me with?

    Thanks,

    Al
    Hi, I just wanted the important parts.

    Do you celebrate her birthday because you want to celebrate her birthday or because you expect her to do something for you? Did you expect praise? A medal? A parade in your honor? Snapping at her probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation, you could have turned it into a fun birthday adventure, get lost and then found, but that is your choice. You're sounding really selfish, and I know it is because of the optics of it.

    What I have found is that everyone has there own way of showing their affections. You need to figure out how she shows her affect towards you. You can NOT expect her to show you the same way you show her. Both of you will be unsatisfied if you do. I would apologize for snapping at her, and move along. If she's hurt or angry then figure out why and resolve the issue. Communication is essential here.

    Also, don't keep score. That is trouble brewing.

    Good luck!

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