[tamieko2]

My sister is developed mentally delayed, with a normal iq and intelligence, her husband is mild mentally retarded with a way below average iq. They have been married for 8 1/2 yrs. With 3 kids, one died due to sids. Her husband is hooked on crack and contracted genital herpes from a prostitute. He is very abusive, mentally and physically. They have split up too many times too count only for him to force his way back in the home to torture her more. The first child is being raised by my parents due to child services taking her away because of his violence and drugs and alcohol abuse. They are adopting her soon. This last child is 7 months old and very well ajusted and all in all perfect. The first has some health issues.
My point is this, my sister is the only one on the lease of her apt. the landlord does not want him there and told him to leave he won't go. The cops have been called so much they won't help her anymore to get him out. Child services got a call from my stupid step father who is nosey to no end, telling them they should go check on the child due to the fact the husband was in a fight and hospitalized by a neighbor (her husband attacked him for walking her home) , well csb showed up today and said if he isn't gone by tomorrow she is losing this child too!! Me and my mom were working on a house for her so she could leave because he refuses, he is still refusing even though he knows the baby will be taken. She has filed numerouse restraining orders but he violates every one, but the cops will not arrest him because he is retarded and cries too much in jail (like a dog). She has lost her friends over this and my mom and step dad are basically like "oh well" I was working on getting her out but I don't know if I can now? I am 600 miles away from her or I'd get her out myself. My parents won't let her stay with them and my other siblings have washed their hands of her. I can't let that baby get taken, the last one was in 2 foster homes before my parents hired a lawyer to get her out. They won't help this one and this time my step dad caused it!! Is there a way she can get him out since his name is not on the lease and she is filing for divorce? This is urgent, they Are coming tomorrow 7/12/07

[shygrneyzs]

Let them come. This may sound harsh but right now, that child is more important than your brother in law or your sister. That child deserves to be in a safe home. Dio not blame your step-father. The blame is on your sister and her husband for creating and maintaining that hellish environment.

Why can't your sister leave this man? Why is she waiting for him to leave? He is NEVER going to leave unless physically carried out of that house. This is sad, very sad, but right now your sister does not deserve to have the child in her care. Perhaps in time, with counseling and therapy, she can. Maybe this will be her wake up call.

[tamieko2]

If she were normal I would say you are right, but she is'nt she is slow and my mother is in control of her money and her bills so as far as leaving on her own , she would if she had a place to go, which is what I was trying to do before this happened. She has exhausted every option but no one will help her only me? No one will force him, he has broken down the door, she has stayed with friends till he left but none of that is an option now. He has never hurt the child phyically. The cops refuse to do there job and everyone is content to sit back and let the child get taken, she is not a bad mother, she is just someone who chose the wrong partner. Why should she have to lose this child to learn a lesson when she already lost one for the same thing, her lesson has been learned, she has to sign the first child away because of him. This just is'nt fair. She cannot very well sleep on the street to get away.

[bushg]

She can take the baby and go to a women's shelter ASAP they will send a cab to get her if she really wants help.1-800-799-7233 all 50 states.

[shygrneyzs]

Then how can she have the normal IQ and intelligence that you first posted? I don ot want to seem harsh but I have worked with developmentally delayed adults for many years - some had children who were taken away for the child's own welfare. The parent was not capable of being a parent. The child is in a dangerous situation, even though you say that the father has not hurt the child yet. The possibility is very strong here. The damage does not have to be physical to warrant a child being taken out of the home.

It sounds as if your Mother is your sister's representative payee since she manages the money and pays the bills. Maybe it is time for someone to become your sister's guardian. There is counseling out there for adults with developmental disabilities, there are services for them, advocacy groups, etc. You say she has already learned her lesson from the first time. That tells me she is not capable of making a good judgement for her other child or herself, since nothing has basically changed in her life.

I hope she does call the hotline number that bushg listed for you. It would be a step in the right direction.

[tamieko2]

Her iQ is low normal and her intelligence is normal of a 16 yr. old. She is 28. So she basically has the mentallity of a teenager and we all know how they think? Your right she does have bad judgement, I won't dispute that, but right now she is trying to turn that around. Maybe I am sticking up for her too much, lord knows I have had my fill of the whole situation, but I can't help it she is my sister, I have been the only one protecting her her whole life. My mom is her payee. She applied to get a guardian appointed but the judge ruled her to be mentally competent to handle her own affairs? I am giving her the hotline number thanks, that is exactly what she needs.

[alicia9938]

How dare people blame the victim. Sometimes, you are just so stunned that something like this could happen to you, there is no "logical" way for you to react. I have my degree in a field I love, but I would not say that I'm immune to abuse just because I'm "smart."