[JoeCanada76]

Your only setting yourself and your wife up for failure. Do not say sorry but change your actions before YOU ruin your marriage.

Your still justifying your actions. You know what either you get over what happened from the last relationship or you will never have a sound relationship again.

YOU CAN NOT CONTROL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO.

So please stop controlling your wife.

I Hold out some hope for this marriage, but the more you defend your actions the more I hope.

Your wife decides enough is enough and sends you a huge message to you by actually leaving.

Then again you will just PUT ALL THE BLAME ON HER ANYWAY.

[Cat1864]

Clickaus, I am beginning to think you are addicted to using it. It has gone past comfort to habit and now it seems uncontrollable. It gives you a power and control over your wife that she knows nothing about. It gives you instant feedback to fuel your fantasies of what you think your wife might be up to.

However much you want to believe in it. It cannot tell you exactly where she is. It can't tell you who she sees or she talks to. It can't tell you if she is taking a detour to get around someone/thing blocking the street. It can't tell you if she decided she wanted a longer walk to get some exercise or because she just didn't feel like going straight home.

Get rid of the GPS application. Delete it. Turn it off. Whatever it takes. To make it harder if not impossible to use.

Oh, as for doing what you are doing, I wouldn't. My husband is in pest control. He is constantly alone in houses and apartments with other women. Some of them he sees every month. Some every three months. Each day, I have only a vague idea of where he is or even should be (cancellations and rescheduling happen all the time.) I don't know when he will be home in the evening. It is a cheaters dream. Some of the places he ends up are not friendly to cell phones. If I need to call him and don't get a hold of him. I wait awhile and try again or I leave a voice mail and wait for him to call me when he has service or time to. I don't automatically assume that he is putting me off while playing with someone else and I know what a flirt my husband is. I trust him and have for 25 years. Trust is a wonderful thing when you truly feel it.

[Kitkat22]

It's beyond me , how in the world do you function in your daily life.
What do you do when you're at work? You have very low self esteem and you desperately need to work on that.

[asking]

However much you want to believe in it. It cannot tell you exactly where she is. It can't tell you who she sees or she talks to. It can't tell you if she is taking a detour to get around someone/thing blocking the street. It can't tell you if she decided she wanted a longer walk to get some exercise or because she just didn't feel like going straight home.

Cat is so right.

People in finance say that if you watch the market every second, you are going to have little disappointments all day long. Every time the market dips for an hour, you feel bad. It comes back up, but that doesn't compensate for the other stresses. Stockbrokers are paid to absorb that stress, so it makes no sense to pay your stockbroker and then stress over every change in the market. The more often people look--every hour, every day, once a week or once a month, the more stress they feel.

Clickhaus, you are doing this with your wife. Every time your wife does something you don't understand, every time the gps is a little off, every time she steps into a shop that's not on the phone map--you are going to freak out. Then when she comes home, you'll be "off" in ways she can't put her finger on. But this stuff utterly destroys your peace of mind and destroys intimacy between the two of you. For your own happiness, if not hers, you must give up this addiction to knowing her whereabouts.

[Kitkat22]

Cat is so right.

People in finance say that if you watch the market every second, you are going to have little disappointments all day long. Every time the market dips for an hour, you feel bad. It comes back up, but that doesn't compensate for the other stresses. Stockbrokers are paid to absorb that stress, so it makes no sense to pay your stockbroker and then stress over every change in the market. The more often people look--every hour, every day, once a week or once a month, the more stress they feel.

Clickhaus, you are doing this with your wife. Every time your wife does something you don't understand, every time the gps is a little off, every time she steps into a shop that's not on the phone map--you are going to freak out. Then when she comes home, you'll be "off" in ways she can't put her finger on. But this stuff utterly destroys your peace of mind and destroys intimacy between the two of you. For your own happiness, if not hers, you must give up this addiction to knowing her whereabouts.

Hope you look at these post and read them.

[mrshodges]

Wow, I think you need to see a psychiatrist. A marriage is based on love, friendship and trust and I don't think you have any of those.

[Kitkat22]

Wow, I think you need to see a psychiatrist. A marriage is based on love, friendship and trust and I don't think you have any of those.

Self esteem and trust issues... as the above post said love, friendship and trust.

[CarrotTalker]

Wow, I think you need to see a psychiatrist. A marriage is based on love, friendship and trust and I don't think you have any of those.

He has started to see a counselor, so we can't expect instant results from him :D

[clickaus]

Thanks everyone
I really don't expect her to report on everything she does or on everywhere she goes as such. I understand that some days she may choose to take a walk differently to other days or to take a detour for one reason or another and again I am not expecting a report, I really am not that bad. But when she walked around to the back of her apartments there was a different agenda here. There was absolutely no reason to go there unless there was a specific reason to do so. If she just walked Kevin home at least she could have said that she had met up with Kevin, fine, except she would have walked him to the front entrance. Absolutely no need to walk around to the back. So there was a specific reason to do so and that is what bothers me especially when she absolutely denied going there. I agree the GPS isn't always accurate but it is accurate enough to show this detail. So to deny being there on this occasion and to tell me on a previous occasion when I called at that moment that she had just left our apartment to go out when in fact she hadn't reached home yet, this is very puzzling and it sticks in my head. You guys have mentioned that you would ignore these things, so relationships seem to be based I ignorant bliss. What the eyes don't see the heart cannot grieve over basically, rather than simple explanation.

[clickaus]

I have another 3 weeks before my counselor returns from holiday. Its hard.

[asking]

There was absolutely no reason to go there unless there was a specific reason to do so. If she just walked Kevin home at least she could have said that she had met up with Kevin, fine, except she would have walked him to the front entrance. Absolutely no need to walk around to the back. So there was a specific reason to do so and that is what bothers me especially when she absolutely denied going there. [... ]

You guys have mentioned that you would ignore these things, so relationships seem to be based I ignorant bliss. What the eyes don't see the heart cannot grieve over basically, rather than simple explanation.

People say "within 100 meters" is super accurate for most of these phones (though some are clearly more accurate). And there are a lot of places she could have been that are 100 meters away. I'm still not convinced you really know for sure where she was at that moment.

But let's assume your tracker is ultra accurate and she was exactly where you think she was. People do sometimes do things they think will upset you or they would rather you didn't know about. Since you are so jealous, I'm sure she knows you would rather she didn't see Kevin. So she walks back with Kelly, stops to talk to Kevin. (The reasons could be innocuous, Kelly had a DVD of his to return, or your wife did. They went to the back door because painters were working in the front entry. Whatever.)

Then your wife gets home, she's already decided to not mention it, so you won't get upset, but you ask her directly if she was there. Whoa! She's not expecting you to ask that and denies it, even though it was totally innocent. What she really means is, "I didn't do anything wrong." She's probably wondering how on earth you guessed and if you are having her followed. People should not lie, but sometimes they do. You are definitely lying to her, so you are really not in a position to criticize.

Don't invade her privacy and don't make her lie. But most important, yes, sometimes it's better not to know and better to just accept the parts of a relationship that work very well. For example, suppose a pretty woman walks by and my boyfriend checks her out when I'm not looking. I think he shouldn't do that, but he maybe can't help it. Or maybe he can help it, but does it anyway. I don't want to know that he did it or what he was thinking. I don't want to know if he thought about her later when we were making love. Where's the up side to that kind of knowledge? Trust is something you choose to do. Not always easy though.

What the eyes don't see the heart cannot grieve over basically, rather than simple explanation.

I like this. You aren't the only person who sometimes tries to find out things that will only raise doubt and cause pain where there was none before.

It seems like you have a chance to be happy, but it requires something of you.

[Wondergirl]

You guys have mentioned that you would ignore these things, so relationships seem to be based I ignorant bliss. What the eyes don't see the heart cannot grieve over basically, rather than simple explanation.

No, they're based on trust. If something were going on, I would get other clues. I never have, nor have I been less than trustworthy. We don't even open or read each other's email or regular mail. I don't need to use GPS 24/7.

The saying is that someone who isn't trusting usually isn't trustworthy.

[clickaus]

Sorry, to clarify. She walked around to the back of her old apartment [where Kevin still lives] when our apartment complex is on the main road in front of her old apartment.

[Wondergirl]

I have another 3 weeks before my counselor returns from holiday. Its hard.

I always referred my clients to someone else if I weren't available. Isn't there someone else you can go to meanwhile?

[Wondergirl]

Sorry, to clarify. She walked around to the back of her old apartment [where Kevin still lives] when our apartment complex is on the main road in front of her old apartment.

Maybe she was throwing something into the Dumpster or following a stray cat.

[asking]

Why does it have to be Kevin? There must be other people in that building. Or maybe she didn't have the phone for that 10 minutes and it was someone else carrying it. Like Wondergirl says, there are so many possibilities-from cats to who knows what. Plus of course the possibility that the phone is every now and then off by one or two hundred yards.

Also, earlier you dismissed the idea that Kelly was talking to Kevin because, you said, Kelly is married. So is your wife! Why do you trust Kelly more?

I am really glad you are getting the book! Meantime, delete the tracking software and put this out of your mind for 2 days. See if you can just will yourself to think nothing but good thoughts about your beautiful wife for 48 hours.

[Wondergirl]

I think one of us should be tracking YOU, clickaus.

One of Hotchkiss' seven deadly sins of narcissism is #7 --

Bad Boundaries - narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply* to the narcissist will be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and be expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

*narcissistic supply -- The malignant narcissist receives psychological gratification from feelings of power that come from the outside world [and controlling another person]. Over time, the malignant narcissist becomes accustomed (even addicted) to this form of psychological gratification. Similar to other addictions, the narcissist needs to feed off other people's emotions for narcissistic supply to help stimulate their psychological needs. Without narcissistic supply, the narcissist will undergo withdrawal symptoms similar to a drug addict.

[Kitkat22]

Do you go to the bathroom with her? Do you watch her every move when she is with you? Maybe the reason the woman is taking the long way is to have some peace and quiet.

What in the devil is wrong with you?

[friend4u178]

Clickaus

Just out of curiosity , do you by any chance also check her Phone??

[Kitkat22]

Clickaus

Just out of curiosity , do you by any chance also check her Phone ???

OMG... I forgot to ask that!