First off I love my wife very much and have never cheated, we only been married a year and I'm starting 2 feel unsatisfied. She's young fit and very beautiful. People stare at her every where we go, but in the bedroom she's not very skilled, and I find myself working xtra hard 2 please her and myself. I'm very well endowed, and always had great sex partners but never trusted any one enough to marry, until now.people tell me that I can teach her, but she's on the uppity side, and doesn't seem to have a freaky bone and her body, and when she does try to be a little aggressive, it seems to fake. Sometimes I think she doesn't care for sex but me I'm totally opposite, I broke it off with three steady sex partners that love sex as much as I did, when I meet my wife, but that's all me and my partners had in common was sex, which didn't seem very important at the time but now, I'm missing the intamacy I use 2 have, my wife don't even like to kiss, I've tried to talk to her many times about the way I feel, we had many arguments about the situation as well, I'm starting not to even want her sexually as fine as she is. I need serious advise on this one, shoul I leave her over sex?

Well... you both are going to have to find some common ground.

My wife and I both had issues after a year or so in marriage. I had dated a couple of girls before her who were much more aggressive or assertive about sex, and I tended to feed of that energy. But it got to the point where I wouldn't initiate as much, thinking she wasn't interested... and then shed think I wasn't interested. Became a much bigger issue than it ever should have been. We were able to talk it through and work it out to some degree. I'm not saying things are perfect for either side... but at least I know she's interested, and we both know we need to take responsibility.

So... seeing eye to eye isn't always easy.

Should you break off your marrige? Intimacy (even if its sexual in context) is tied to your connection with your mate. It is important. You also should me more committed to trying to make this work. Married a year and seeing problems isn't necessarily abnormal. We had a few other areas that popped up in the first two years of marriage that were unexpected and again, we had to work through.

If you need her to be much more aggressive I guess try it in small steps. Hopefully if things go well and she sees your response shell be more willing. And recognize you simply may not get all you want. It is not completely fair to compare her to all of your other partners concerning what she is or is not willing to do.

You said you only had sex in common with the two girls that you had before you met your wife. And what is it that you have in common with your wife, It sure does not should like it is sexual. So to me it soulds like you need to teach her the things you want her to know, it maay be that she is just dumb about sex. If you are having ideas of cheating on her I would advixe you to get the divorce even before eyou do so that she is not exposed to the other women you will be having sex with. Plus she does not deserve to be cheated on so give her a divorce.

As time goes by, couples tend to grow apart and they have to work harder at being committed to each other. That is what "Marrige is work" means.

You're only a year in and want to throw in the towel..?

Obviously there's a great deal about her that you fell in love with. If you do love her in your heart, you'll take the time to listen to her, communicate to her what you want, understand what you can and cannot have, and work to develop the intimacy you're missing.

You NEED to talk to her if this is an issue. If you married this woman, you trust her. It sounds like it would be a real shame for your relationshiip to end because of something you can so easily fix. Talk to her about it. I know it sounds weird, and it probably will be, but Im sure she would rather that than go through a divorce over it. Best of luck!

HI,
You have some good answers. Have you tried talking her into going to a Marriage Counselor? You both need some help with this.
I've been married now for 29 yrs; first marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs.
One year of marriage is just getting started. There has to be compromise, love, caring, respect, and wanting the other to be happy; sometimes forgetting about oneself in order to please the other; no matter if it's sex or anything else.
I'm sure you two have already talked about this, and maybe know how each other feel. A Marriage Counselor might be able to help. If not, then you are on "shaky" ground, if you both can't work it out. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

First I must say that having problems during your 1st year of marriage, is absolutely normal - you have to fine the mutual fine tuning, you're two different persons, and even couples who've lived together for a while, find out that something changes when they marry.
I won't raise any guess concerning your wife, but I'd like to point to the things that are unclear to me:
The 1st thing you mention is that you love your wife, later on, when you talk about your former relationships, you say that you ended them because sex wasn't enough - this leads again to your feelings towards your wife.
You point out how great he looks, and I'm not sure about it, but have you fallen for her looks or for her, as a human being?
Was she THAT cold before you married - I mean, didn't like even kissing? If there were earlier signs to your present situation and you chose to overlook them and, maybe thought you'll change her attitude to physical contact - that's one issue.
BUT: if she changed in these aspects AFTER you got married, that's a Completely different matter.
The first thing in ANY relationship, before love and marriage, is friendship: do you feel you this person could become your absolutely best friend?
If so, you have a chance to stay together.
If you feel like this, than remember, FRIENDSHIP IS ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION. So talk. Tell her how you are. Just talk. Ask her what's bothering her. Find out if SHE feels you can be her best friend.
Open your hearts, don't allow a wall to part you.
I'm not sure it's only about sex - I don't know. This is why I asked how it was before you married.
Maybe you'll need to write more, people here care, and will help.
You might decide to go to a counsellor.
But first of all, you must have an open-heart talk with your wife.
And please remember: the real work began the moment you got married, AND IT NEVER STOPS.
I think the fist 1-2 years need the most part of adjustment, "trimming", learning to know each other deeply: the things that make each of you happy, the personal sore points.
Think of it as if it's a garden: you've just planted the first plants - it takes so much to help them get fully established, and so much work before you can enjoy its flowers and fruits.
And just like in a garden: work is NEVER over.
If you REALLY love your wife, and married her because you love this PERSON (not just this body!)
Don't give up before you've even begun the REAL work!
Please write more if you think it will help you, and good luck
Take care
Millie
:) :)

The choices we make brings to our lives exactly what is there now. So it is very important to understand what those decisions are and why we make them. It has been my observation that what I don't solve now tends to repeat itself in the next relationship so it works best to stay until 1. I know my part in the problem and 2. solve that part whether my partner does or not. I can only set me free and encourage others to do likewise. Good luck!

The question is she does not even like kissing? How do you guys even get close? How long have you been together. She may be fine and great person but I do believe you need to be intimate with each other. I am not saying sex should be the most important thing because it is not. It is about communication and understanding and opening up to each other. Some people are more open then others. Some take longer to open up. To end it, is drastic but Not even kissing? I would say communication is very important. At the same time maybe she has issues, maybe instead of focusing on what you feel and what you want. Maybe you should be asking her how she feels and what she wants and maybe that will help the situation?

I'd like to add something to what valinors_sorrow just wrote:

I heard this from a very wise man ( who was my boss at the time), 30 years ago: wherever you "land", no matter who are the people around you, no matter what is your role in that group, after a while, you'll get to the same position/ role, comparing with the people who surround you. This is because we have certain reaction patterns, and these patters bring us, in the end to the same position, over and over again.
If we wish to break this pattern, we must to really get to know ourselves, notice this patterns, analyze them, and only then, we can change them.
As I said, I heard it 30 years ago, and I found it very true, as far as I could observe myself, and others.
If this additional post helps, and if only a little - I'm glad.
This too, brings you back to the counselling issue, from which you will benefit , and possibly your marriage as well.
Good luck,
Millie
:)

Sorry J.H. have to spread it around, but I have to agree 100%,after a year of marriage, real33169, wanting to throw in the towel over sex is the lazy way out. If you love someone and trust them you'd be talking to them and listening. I suspect that you've been comparing your wife to your exes and expecting her to catch on. Be a good partner and be patient and loving and make her your best friend in other areas first, get to know her you may find that the "fine" outside is only covering an even finer inside. After a year of marriage you need to reaalize that you've only begun to put together a life that you both can grow into. Talk ,talk more talkand talk some more!:cool: :eek:

Talaniman,

I do not understand why so many people put such an importance on sex. My wife and I became friends first. New each other for years. For both of us it was our first experience at 27. So I in my own personal experience know that waiting and growing together is very important. I guess that is one of the reasons it is important to wait for that special one, then the two can learn together and experience things together and have the firsts with each other without that comparison to other people. Communication is the most important part of the relationship, and you do not have that there is nothing. We both agree on all of that, I bet. Spread the word. Maybe somebody is listening.

J.H.-Communication is what a real relationship is all about, and that takes time. After the physical has cooled young people don't bother talking just getting what they want, but if you build the relationship around good communication the physical stays hot,even after decades of being together. In my opinion young people today don't take the time or effort to get to know themselves let alone someone else. If they did they'd find solutions to the problems of life all couples face. And I do hope they are listening out there!:cool: :rolleyes:

You have to communicate - AND NOT RIGHT BEOFRE SEX. AND NOT JUST ANY OLD time. It has tobe a time away from the bed, when she is comfortable about talking about it.

You need to state your needs.

I am kind of wondering how you two married if there are so many obsticles, especially sex wise.

You seemed pretty concerned about communicating to her what you want and showing her what you want, are you as concerned about finding out what she wants? Have you experimented and played with her to find out what turns her on. Every woman has that magic button, you need to find hers. Remember, intimacy is not only in the bedroom, but emotional too. Be romantic in an out of the box sort of way. Make the bed every morning, polish her toenails, take her out on dates like you did whe you first met. If you're in tune with her, you'll soon figure out what it is that she's missing. Couples counseling may help. I don't think you should leave her over sex, it sounds like she has more meaningful things to offer you. How long did you know her before you married and how were things then?

Try this, get her to write down what she likes about you. You, in turn do the same thing - don't be shy.

Also, remembering how you met, what got your interests up, and also what did you do to get her interest - would be beneficial for you to research.

Come on, there must have been something - or you would not have married! Forget about the daily routines, and spark some memories up that you both can share and you might just want to rekindle what you put on the back-burner.

You should have discussed sexual likes and dislikes and experimented BEFORE you married, but since you've already done that, why not try to communicate with her and see if you can help her out of her inhibitions. ASK her what she thinks would be fun. SUGGEST some things that you like - slowly one at a time. Even though sex is not the only thing in a relationship, if it's not helping you two bond the way you should, you need to talk, or get help, if you want this to work.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.


It's not just aging that you do together, but growing as well.

"You should have discussed sexual likes and dislikes and experimented BEFORE you married, but since you've already done that, why not try to communicate with her and see if you can help her out of her inhibitions"

That's what I was trying to get at. This stuff should have been found out WAY before marriage. It's called being compatible.

How old is your wife?
Has she had many other sexual partners before u?

Althou to me sex is not the most important thing in a relationship or even a marriage but its always healthy to have a good sex life between a couple.

Wow I feel for you. I love kissing and love the intimacy because that's what keeps the fire going. To me sex is a very big part or a relationship. She needs to understand that your her everything and she should be giving you her all. She should be all over you and love every minute of the attention you want to give her. It should be natural for her to show you that affection back. Kissing is very important and it is sweet, tell her it's the little things that count the most.