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    2concerned's Avatar
    2concerned Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 22, 2008, 01:49 PM
    Is she having an affair?
    Well to give you a little background on our marriage, we've been married for ten years now. She has always had male friends. There's never been a problem with that or at least any reason to suspect anything. About a year ago I noticed that one particular male friend (a father of one of our sons football teammates- let's call him "guy") was in contact with my wife more than usual. I asked about him and she implied that he works for an employment agency and was going to find her a better job. Other than that he would call to bring his son over or to pick our son up. I thought nothing else of it.

    A month ago she asked if I would add her to my cell phone plan because her pre-paid service was costing her too much. Two weeks ago I did just that. One thing that she wanted to be able to do was send and receive messages(text & picture). No problem I said. A week ago she asked me if I would check to see why she couldn't receive pictures. As I was doing so I ran across a picture of a man's naked middle section that had been taken by a picture phone. I said nothing of it. Two days later I checked her phone again (posing as to make sure it was working with my phone). The picture had been deleted. For two days I said nothing about it. The whole time I'm thinking to myself "who could have sent it?". It was sent from a number I did not recognize. I figured it was sent from one of her girlfriends who was a little freaky like that. Even though I had convinced myself it was from the girlfriend I still was a little skeptical.

    One night she asked if there was something wrong with me. I told here what I'd saw in here phone. She immediately started smiling. First she denied even seeing it, then denied deleting it. The whole time she is stuttering. This is very "ODD" from her. I don't think I've ever heard her stutter. So after admitting to seeing it and deleting it I asked her who sent it? First she said she didn't know who sent it. Then she smiled and said that I sent it. I told her that I had the number it was sent from. Again she said (stuttering)she didn't know who sent it. She finally admitted that she knew who sent it and that she called him and told him off about it. I asked again who was it. She said it was "guy". I looked at her and she had a blank stare like she was wondering what I was going to say. To be honest at this point I'm having a little trouble believing anything she says now. I honestly don't know if she was being truthful with who sent it. I asked her why would he send a picture like that and she just says she doesn't know. Obviously she has something to hide. Now she just walks around like nothing ever happen. What should I do about this?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Mar 22, 2008, 02:07 PM
    Just because he sent it doesn't mean she is having an affair.
    Do you see other things that if you added it all up would add up to an affair?
    Like gone for hours with no explanation, constantly talking to him or making excuses to go out of her way to be where he is?

    My guess is that likely he could be flirting with her and sent the pic pushing the flirting to test his limits with her.
    If she was expecting anything like that I doubt you would have been the one she asked to check her phone.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
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    #3

    Mar 22, 2008, 05:17 PM
    She may not be having an affair, but another man has made a clear pass at your girl. You should act. Protect what is yours.

    Without doing anything illegal or threatening, I would contact "guy" and possibly his wife and let them know that his sexual overtures to your wife will not be ignored and they are not welcome. Any future contacts of this nature will be made public to everyone you both know in common and the local police (I know the police won't care, but it sounds scarey). Promise to contact his pastor and friends and ask for their help getting "guy" to put his pants back on and his camera away. You probably won't do most of this, but this is about instilling a message to this guy that his actions are not occurring in a protective bubble... he does it and it will come back to him publicly.

    Now here's the hard part. Your wife, on the surface, won't like any of this, but if you can bring this off not as if you're mad at HER but that you're defending your family, that could be HOT for her. She might gain a whole new respect for you, even is she's not happy with it initially.

    I don't think it's a bad thing for your wife to know that you see her as a sexual being, have no problem with guys (pun intended) noticing her, but that you love her, have sworn to care and protect her from all evil, and that includes beating off (figuratively, of course) intruders into your home and marriage.

    Think about it, plan it, make sure you do what you do out of love and purpose, not out of jealousy and fear. You two swore an oath and you will protect that. When all is said and done, she should really prefer that anyway.
    wnk_1001's Avatar
    wnk_1001 Posts: 46, Reputation: 4
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    #4

    Mar 22, 2008, 05:40 PM
    Nohelp4u raises a valid point. Why would your wife ask you to check the phone if she was having an affair? If she were, the chances are she has already seen this other "guy's" penis. If that is the case, would there really be any reason to send a pic? It just doesn't make sense to me. I have been married to my husband for 10 years, and I get hit on all the time. That does not mean I am having an affair. However, being hit on and having naked pics of men sent to my cell phone are two totally different things. If anyone sent a pic of a naked man to my cell phone I would certainly show my husband, so we both could have a good laugh. Then together, we could figure out who sent it and why.

    You said you had the number of who sent the pic, have you tried calling the number yet?
    bizygurl's Avatar
    bizygurl Posts: 522, Reputation: 110
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    #5

    Mar 22, 2008, 05:55 PM
    Whatever the intention of this "other" man was or what she and this "other" man were supposedly doing or not doing. HE shouldn't be sending anything like that to her. If the off chance that they aren't having an affair and she had wanted you to check the phone she should have said yes, "guy" sent me that picture and I was uncomfortable about it. Instead she acted all weird, and only when you confronted her on it which was a couple days later did she call him and tell him off. If she was that upset about it she should have taken control of that as soon as he sent it to her. Its wrong plain and simple. Im sure she wouldn't want any of her friends sending pictures of there chest or "middle areas" to you. Unless she wanted you to find the picture because she's trying to get your attention or maybe telling you something. In any which way you guys need a good long talk about its obviously still really bothering you. Put the kobash on it. I know I wouldn't stand for it.
    2concerned's Avatar
    2concerned Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Mar 22, 2008, 06:35 PM
    No, I haven't tried calling the number yet. At first I was convinced that it was her girlfriend's number (that I don't have). The number that sent the picture is not the number that I have for "guy". At this point I'm not 100% on who sent the picture. Since the confrontation happen it has taken me a couple days to calm down an sort things out. I tried to speak with her about it today, but all I got was basically he meant nothing by it, she already told him not to do it anymore and I need to just get over it. I know if it was the other way around "all hell would break loose".

    Honestly there are two things about this that bothers me. 1) the way she was acting when she said who sent it, along with numbers not matching. 2) the fact that this man that I befriended would disrespect me this way. I know that this is usually how it happens. But it still doesn't changed the way it feels. It's a lot of tough feelings wrapped up in this situation. I'm weirded out about it being "guy" to have done this. But at the same time I have doubts that it was him. If in fact it wasn't him, why all the lies?
    wnk_1001's Avatar
    wnk_1001 Posts: 46, Reputation: 4
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    #7

    Mar 22, 2008, 07:38 PM
    Listen 2, you are obviously still very upset about this. I don't want to be putting any thoughts into your head but you should do yourself the favor and call the number. Call private caller, just to see who answers, or better yet, maybe you will get a personalized voice mail. What do you have to lose? What if in the off chance "guy" sent the pic from someone else's phone? How will you ever know if you don't actually call the number? Heck, give it to me, and I'll call... lol I am sorry to say, but it seems the damage has already been done. What do you care what your wife or anyone else thinks if you call? Don't worry, if she's up to something, she is the one who is going to look stupid; not you. She's given you enough reason already that the average person would be suspicious, especially considering you know her personality and you know when she is lying.

    Give yourself some credit... 10 years is a long time.

    Good luck 2.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #8

    Mar 22, 2008, 08:04 PM
    Why don't you get a private investigator, and marital counseling for yourself, at this point? Then take a deep breath, relax, and see what happens. If you are this close to finding out anything, it will probably be several weeks, if not longer, before any new developments.
    frangipanis's Avatar
    frangipanis Posts: 1,027, Reputation: 75
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    #9

    Mar 25, 2008, 10:45 PM
    First of all, ask yourself if your wife has actually spent enough time away from home to realistically satisfy a lover. If not, then someone (if there is a someone) would obviously be missing out and may eventually leave out of self respect and boredom. The vast majority of women are not good at being part-time lovers or at hiding their feelings - especially if they're feeling passionate about a new love affair. From what you have written about your wife, she would seem to fit into this category. If she is having an affair, you will know soon enough. If time passes and nothing else happens to make you question her fidelity, then try to forget what's happened.

    And yes, I agree you should just try the calling the number, and maybe ask why she acted so weird when you confronted her about it in the first place.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,322, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Mar 28, 2008, 08:10 PM
    I think your first mistake was not bringing it to her attention when you found it, and then you both could have called the number. Now all you can do is call, and see who it is, and let whomever it was know what's up! Otherwise do not dwell on this long, as only you know if you have a real reason to be suspicious or not. Call the number and nip this in the bud, and let it rest, as the longer you let it drag out without a conclusion, the crazier you will get.
    the1unv's Avatar
    the1unv Posts: 285, Reputation: 31
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    #11

    Mar 29, 2008, 05:18 AM
    Call, see who it is. If it was "guy", go have a chat with him. If you tell your wife you are going to see him and discuss it and she says OK. Great. If she gets upset about you talking to him about it there could be more going on. I am not saying that means she is having an affair!! I am just saying mabey the flirting was a two way deal. This would upset me as well... however not nearly as much as it would if I found out she had sent him the same pictures. When you go talk to him... ask to see his phone.
    Mike
    Username Here's Avatar
    Username Here Posts: 72, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Mar 29, 2008, 05:49 AM
    Hey,

    Confront him, Tell him you saw the picture and noticed it must have been cold.

    Tell your wife she has a choice, You or him. Get her to call and get his number blocked, all cellphone companies provide this service.

    She obviously wanted the photo there as she didn't immediately delete the photo and stop contact with him. So keep an eye on it.

    Hope this helps,
    Louis.

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