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    ghalbeman's Avatar
    ghalbeman Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Sep 8, 2010, 01:13 PM
    Problems age gap marriage
    My name is faran,I'm 29 and my husband is 47.We married with love 3years ago,but now we don't love each other any more,because I think he is old for me and people,s opinions about our age gap makes me sad,I compare him with other men who are younger and richer than him and then he insults me.We don't talk with each other anymore,because we always quarrel and it's better to be quiet.I can't divorce because my family doesn't let me,I feel miserable,I fear from my future because I think he will die sooner than me and I will be alone in this world,I want to have baby,but I know that my baby can't substitutes my husband.*** *** help me,how can I be happy in such marriage
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Sep 8, 2010, 01:18 PM

    Does he still love you?
    Dysenchanted's Avatar
    Dysenchanted Posts: 72, Reputation: 34
    Junior Member
    		  
    #3

    Sep 8, 2010, 01:20 PM

    It sounds like you need to get out. Why won't your family "let" you? This is a dead relationship and I don't think it can be built back up.

    If I might ask, why did you marry him in the first place?

    I guess if you really want to try to make a future in this marriage, try counselling? I don't know, personally it doesn't really sound salvageable but if you, not your family, want to make it work, try counselling or talk things out with your husband. Maybe go on a romantic vacation to spice up the relationship.

    The only reason I say the marriage is dead and you should get out is because you seem to hate this relationship. You're dissatisfied and don't want it to continue. If that's so, find a way out.
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
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    #4

    Sep 8, 2010, 01:26 PM

    Were these issues not a concern before you married? The age gap is still the same, those that voice their displeasure now surely must have three years ago no? Now you say he yells at you because you compare him to richer, younger men, well that may come across as insulting to him don't you think?

    I am more inclined to feel for this gentleman than I do for you. I'm sure he thought you were marrying him out of love and devotion. I can't imagine he figured three years later you would all of a sudden bring up these issues and look around for those your age.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
    		  
    #5

    Sep 8, 2010, 01:28 PM

    In any marriage, one of the first things to learn is to ignore the people who want to focus on the negatives. It sounds like you haven't learned that lesson.

    You knew about the age difference when you married him for love. Is that love really gone or is it hiding? Does it need more nurturing than it has been given?

    Why do you compare him to other men? You say that he insults you, but it seems you insult him, too.

    Would the both of you be willing to see a marriage counselor?
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #6

    Sep 8, 2010, 03:52 PM

    You have to work at marriage. I would suggest being thankful for this man who you insult by talking about rich, younger men.

    He must love you or he would be gone. Where did you meet him?
    Don't be so sure you could snare one of those "young, sexy, rich man."

    I hope you work things out.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
    		  
    #7

    Sep 8, 2010, 09:11 PM
    Faran, even though this was a 'love marriage', was it also an arranged marriage? Did you need your parents, and his parents to approve of this union?

    You say that your parents will not allow you to divorce, and considering the possible consequences for going against them to divorce your husband, do you have any real options to end the marriage?
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
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    #8

    Sep 9, 2010, 06:05 AM

    May be a little premaure; However, how come when our good members get raw with an individual for behaviour in which we find improper (for lack of a better word) said individual does not respond?

    Fascinating how people seek the answers they wish to receive. I'll wager one in agreement outweights fifty that disagree. Of course the OP could prove me wrong:)
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
    		  
    #9

    Sep 9, 2010, 07:37 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by BMI View Post
    May be a little premaure; However, how come when our good members get raw with an individual for behaviour in which we find improper (for lack of a better word) said individual does not respond?

    Fascinating how people seek the answers they wish to receive. I'll wager one in agreement outweights fifty that disagree. Of course the OP could prove me wrong:)
    It hasn't even been 24 hours since she posted. It does take some people a bit of time to come back. Some people also seem to find their own answers just by writing out their questions.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #10

    Sep 9, 2010, 07:42 AM

    What's more important, your happiness or what your family wants?
    BMI's Avatar
    BMI Posts: 892, Reputation: 270
    Senior Member
    		  
    #11

    Sep 9, 2010, 09:15 AM

    Or, Cat, she could have been looking for the answers she wanted to hear.
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