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buster1104 · May 6, 2007, 05:51 PM

What do I do. I haven't had sex with my wife in over eight months now?

If I even think about saying anything about it I'm dead.

??

Emland · May 6, 2007, 05:53 PM

What changed 8 months ago that made the sex stop?

tickle · May 6, 2007, 05:54 PM

I don't think that is entirely fair of her. At some point you absolutely must get around to discussing this, a major issue in a marriage. I think you should give it some serious thought on how to accomplish this discussion, a romantic dinner perhaps ? There must be some clue to circumstances during your wedding night? Had you had a good sexual relationship while dating ?

buster1104 · May 6, 2007, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by Emland

What changed 8 months ago that made the sex stop?

What happened was 9 1/2 months ago? Her first Baby.

buster1104 · May 6, 2007, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by tickle

I dont think that is entirely fair of her. At some point you absolutely must get around to discussing this, a major issue in a marriage. I think you should give it some serious thought on how to accomplish this discussion, a romantic dinner perhaps ? There must be some clue to circumstances during your wedding night? Had you had a good sexual relationship while dating ?

Very good before the marriage. Just pretty much lost interest once she got pregnant.

We had two times that I can think of while she was pregnant... And nothing since birth.

I have done romantic things... I give her massages almost every other night for at least 45... I don't know.

Emland · May 6, 2007, 06:12 PM

Does she tell you no or does she just not seem interested? Being a new mom can be very tiring and doesn't make a woman feel very sexy.

buster1104 · May 6, 2007, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by Emland

Does she tell you no or does she just not seem interested? Being a new mom can be very tiring and doesn't make a woman feel very sexy.

Both. I understand that it can be difficult. This is my third. So I have gone through this. Something's got to give though.

Emland · May 6, 2007, 06:27 PM

Has she talked to her Dr? She might be experiencing some post-partum problems. When the hormones get out of whack, it can make you feel almost asexual. Do you communicate well? Does she agree that 8 months is unreasonable to expect her husband to go without sex?

buster1104 · May 6, 2007, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Emland

Has she talked to her Dr? She might be experiencing some post-partum problems. When the hormones get out of whack, it can make you feel almost asexual. Do you communicate well? Does she agree that 8 months is unreasonable to expect her husband to go without sex?

She has talked to her Dr. and is on some anti-depressants starting three weeks ago. Communication is not so great. She hates talking. Especially about the sex.

I don't know what to do. I have been an ( for lack of a better term). By mentioning it since after the first two months of birth...

Emland · May 6, 2007, 06:43 PM

Does she feel more comfortable writing? Sometimes when my husband and I can't talk to one another about something, we do feel more comfortable writing emails to one another. It isn't as embarrassing when you write down your concerns rather than saying them outloud.

buster1104 · May 7, 2007, 05:39 AM

Originally Posted by Emland

Does she feel more comfortable writing? Sometimes when my husband and I can't talk to one another about something, we do feel more comfortable writing emails to one another. It isn't as embarrassing when you write down your concerns rather than saying them outloud.

She is more comfortable with writing. But she doesn't share her writing?

Emland · May 7, 2007, 05:42 AM

Does she have an email address? If not, set her up one. Talk to her - ask questions - send her e-cards. Romance her all over again.

Marily · May 7, 2007, 05:52 AM

It seems like you have a very controlling wife, why are you scared of her. As your wife she is out of her position... completely. If she have a problem, I believe that she should clear it up with her. I don't know of what faith you are but the bible state that neither the man or woman should deny sex to eacother. Try to talk to her.

buster1104 · May 7, 2007, 06:19 AM

Originally Posted by Emland

Does she have an email address? If not, set her up one. Talk to her - ask questions - send her e-cards. Romance her all over again.

K, She has an email address. I will try that. :)

Emland · May 7, 2007, 06:20 AM

Don't cost anything to try.

Have you considered counseling, too?

buster1104 · May 7, 2007, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by Marily

It seems like you have a very controlling wife, why are you scared of her. As your wife she is out of her position...completely. If she have a problem, i believe that she should clear it up with her. I dont know of what faith you are but the bible state that neither the man or woman should deny sex to eacother. try to talk to her.

I am not scared of my wife. I respect her wishes and feelings. I am just at a point where a compromise needs to be made.

buster1104 · May 7, 2007, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by Emland

Don't cost anything to try.

Have you considered counseling, too?

As far as counseling... It is more of a financial issue and that is why I have not taken that route.

1badchoice · May 7, 2007, 07:09 AM

You mentioned your wife just started an anti-depressant. Those can take up to 6 week to be effective and still might not be at the correct dosage. Your obviously being very patient which is to be commended. As previously suggested, try romancing her and writing to her some of your feelings. She may slowly open up on paper as it's often perceived as safer (lower risk). At some point I think counseling might need to happen. Some agencies offer according to income. Barring some hidden issue your wife might have, I think you'll see a big difference once the anti-depressant starts kicking in... Kudos for being so patient, supportive, interested in her reasons for not having sex. Hang in there. Cathy

buster1104 · May 7, 2007, 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by 1badchoice

You mentioned your wife just started an anti-depressant. Those can take up to 6 wk to be effective and still might not be at the correct dosage. Your obviously being very patient which is to be commended. As previously suggested, try romancing her and writing to her some of your feelings. She may slowly open up on paper as it's often perceived as safer (lower risk). At some point I think counseling might need to happen. Some agencies offer according to income. Barring some hidden issue your wife might have, I think you'll see a big difference once the anti-depressant starts kicking in..... Kudos for being so patient, supportive, interested in her reasons for not having sex. Hang in there. Cathy

Thank you.

gypsy456 · May 7, 2007, 03:19 PM

I don't think your wife is controlling... that's not how it sounds.
But she has been through a lot... for some women having the baby is a wonderful experience and others may find it a very hard one though they love their baby with all their heart...

Your wife is on anti depressants... and it may not be for nothing.

But I can see that this is hard for you too...

Try to make her feel emotionally safe with you without any pressure...
Buy her flowers, give her cards, tell her you love her and be patient...
Hold her hand, be nice, just be there for her without pressure...

Good luck and hang in there...