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    vmf211's Avatar
    vmf211 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 25, 2007, 09:28 AM
    New husband dealing with battered Spouse Syndrome
    I have a question and I'm trying to understand my wife. My wife came from a abusive husband he never hit her but she said he used mental abuse to her allot, as well as sexual abuse as well. She is seeing a female counselor who has been through the same thing as my wife. She just started her counseling sessions. My wife would come home and talk to me about what her and the counselor were talking about. Maybe to give me a better understanding.

    I have never hit a woman or said anything bad, I'm the nice guy here and it seems at times that I end up taking the baseball in the face (figure of speech). Then there are days and months that our marriage is great like nothing had ever happened to her, and then something just sets her off and I get the speech (nothing personal but I really hate men right now) from her.

    So I think what I'm trying to ask here is How do guys like me understand and deal with a wife who has come from a bad marriage? :(
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #2

    Aug 25, 2007, 10:08 AM
    There is not much you can do except, love, support, patience and an attempt to understand.

    Don't take it personal when your wife goes off - this will take a long time, and her therapy has just started. Don't expect something that has taken place for so long to go away overnight.

    Anything can set her off - a comment on TV, an argument, etc - will bring those memories up and they can't be erased. So, again, just try to understand and be patient. You can also let her know that you'd be willing to go with her on a session with the therapist when she thinks the time is right.

    As for her recapitulating her sessions with you - it might be her way of sharing and she might not even want you to comment on them. I know you feel like walking on eggshells right now, but hang in there, she's getting help and things can only get better.

    Good luck, and let us know how things go.

    Do some nice things for her to help her gain new memories to finally take place of the old ones. As the old saying goes "time heals.."
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Aug 25, 2007, 10:58 AM
    It has nothing to do with you, don't take it personally.Know that you will have bad days. Acknowledge them and move on.
    tpreyer's Avatar
    tpreyer Posts: 34, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Aug 27, 2007, 04:30 PM
    When ever she say's negative thing's say loving sweet thing's to her in the sweetest voice. When thing's frustrate her let her talk to you about them and listen and when she cries hold her. If you get angry with her she will attach you to the abusive husband. You have to be an example of love she never had that in a man before, repaint the picture of a man for her by being the opposite of the ex. Show her what love is.

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