I've been involved with this married man for about six months now. He is 12 years older then me but we have such a good time together. We never meant for it to go this far but now we find it hard to stop. We have so much in common. In the past I have asked my husband to do things with me but he is never interested. I even suggest doing things that he like to do but nothing. I am so tired of just working and coming home doing the same ole thing day in and day out. My husband don't think that we have a problem. This has been going on for over 10 years. One day I decided that I wasn't going to deprive myself of doing the things that I like to do. I'm a pretty simple person who likes to watch sports and drink beer. When I met the 'other man,' friendship was the only thing we both had in mind. But then our feelins for each other started to take over. He is also married and have the similar situation with his wife. We have even tried to stop seeing eaching but that didn't last long because he is my best friend and I really missed him. The feelings were mutual. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but how do I stop now? It is so so hard.

You simply decide that what you are doing is wrong, you decide to have absolutely no contact with each other and you both work on your individual marriages (and that may very well include ending your respective marriages). Personally I would decide to contact each other one year from now - and not before.

I find it sad that he is betraying his wife and you are betraying your husband in the name of boredom within your marriages. However, if your marriage is over whether this man is involved in your life, then it's time to move on.

As far as the affair - I'm an investigator. There are two kinds of cheaters - those who cheat once and learn from the experience and never cheat again and serial cheaters. Only the two of you know which category applies to you both.

I find the lying which is involved in an affair more offensive than the betrayal itself, and I realize that puts me in the minority.

You know this is wrong? Then stop. Find the guilt that is welling up inside you and uncover it. Let that guilt hit you and confess all of the sins to your husband. He deserves better even if he is boring. I feel bad for you that your marriage is on the rocks, but what you've done is not excusable. There is no resonable excuse to cheat on your other half. Speaking of which is that not in a way cheating on yourself? And how do you know for a fact that this other man and his wife are on the rocks as well? Ever think that maybe he is just cheating on her and that (sorry for the offensive dialog but) he may be double dipping? How would that make you feel to find out? Maybe he has been with the both of you only hours apart. You'd never know for sure and if he had how gross would that be?
Is it really worth all this? I mean this just seems wrong. And how can you look your husband in the eyes after this and pretend that nothing is wrong? After a while in a marriage things settle down, actually that is what men refer it to, settling down. Ok so you want fun in your relationship? Well tell him you are unhappy and that you need more excitement. If you can't handle the relationship just get dovorced. Don't cheat on this poor faithful man anymore. He doesn't deserve it. And you honestly don't deserve him. You should keep that in mind when he hears about this and desides it is time to go. You could always tell him before he finds out (which he will someday) and ask for forgivness or say its over. Either way don't drag it out. Don't talk to this other man anymore and concentrate on the relationship that should matter above all else to you.
Last comment, why would you do this to him? Has he ever cheated on you? Was this revenge? Or don't you have a heart for him anymore?

My perspective is you make a choice - living that way you are now is just making a mockery of both your marriages.

It seems that neither of you have had the integrity or the guts to deal with the problems in your marriages, and now you've found yet another way to avoid dealing with them.

Make a choice - stay or go - but stop living a lie.

Your marriage is not going to change unless you work at it and you can't work at it if you are involved with having fun with another man.

There are numerous ways you can get rid of boredom in your life that do not involve betraying your husband.

That sounds like a cop out to me.

Sit your husband down and make him understand that you do indeed have a problem and let him know that your marriage is seriously at risk.

State your expectations(realistic) of what you want and need in your marriage and try to find a compromise that you both can live with.

Some marriages do run their course and people do fall out of love,if that is the case then respect your husband enough and end the marriage before you go any further with this man.

You are fixing nothing by your actions.All you are doing is compounding the problem in your marriage.

Imagine life without your husband in it and be certain that is what you want.Your issues do not seem to be deal breakers and you sound like a spoiled child who wants to have fun at any cost.

How old are you and how long have you been married?

Did you think about asking your husband to go to marriage counseling before you started going out on your own?

Quite frankly, I think you need to stop seeing this man, set up a date for marriage counseling, come clean to your husband, and, if you have been physically cheating, get tested for sexually transmitted diseases/infections as well as getting your husband tested.

I think your feelings for this other man are nothing more than 'circus dreams'. You can have fantasies about him and become attached to him because he isn't real. He is all the spotlights, glamor, music, excitement and glitter. At home in reality, he is sawdust and animal dung.

I don't know if your marriage will survive this. I don't know if you want it to survive. You say you know it is wrong, but you also know that marriage isn't easy. You seem to make the choices that appear to be the easiest way to go. Can you find the inner strength to do the hard things like kick the circus out of town and work on your marriage?

If you had put as much energy, and effort, into your marriage as you have into lying, and cheating, you would be happy without the guilt, and not bored.