Married woman in love with her ex-boyfriend from 25 years ago
Asked Jan 31, 2011, 10:50 AM
I have been married for 22 years- mostly happy. I love my husband but not sure if I am "in love" with him. He's a very good man- we have two children together (21 and 18 years of age).
The problem is 25 years ago I was in love with a boyfriend (we'll call him Joey). I broke up with him because he wasn't ready for marriage and really wasn't very settled (we dated 2 1/2 years). We never argued much during that relationship- and honestly: when I broke up with him - I almost died. He would come by and beg me to take him back and I would cry and cry. It was devastating. I never told him why I broke up with him. I then immediately started dating my husband.
It was a great relationship-- but really, on my wedding day.. I just wanted to run away. 4 years into my marriage- I called my ex- one night- I just wanted to make sure he was okay and happy. He was divorced- and had a child he was raising alone. But he told me on that phone call that he loved me and always would and hoped I would be okay.
I was just having a rough time- just pressures of married life with 2 small children. Now with Facebook comes other issues- I found him on there- I sent him a nice message- trying to be careful not to upset his 2nd wife. He returned the message and it was nice- no emotion at all.. That has been the extent of our contact.
But now, I can't stop thinking about him. I get pretty emotional when I think about him. I am not sure how to get over him again. I miss his friendship, sweetness- and I honestly would love to be friends with him but not sure how that would work for either one of us. I know my brain tells me to leave the past behind.. but omg.. I am really struggling. My home life is good-- but my relationship with my husband is strained due to his lack of intimacy with me. I am wondering if I am having a mid-life crisis or is it because I didn't deal with the real reason of the break-up many years ago. Help!