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aries16 · Jan 26, 2009, 10:09 PM

I've only been married since Dec, 2008. My husband acts as if he isn't interested in being intimate at bedtime. I asked him what is going on or what the problem is and he just tells me he's sleepy and there is no problem. I'm 46 and he is 45, I am still very sexually active, but I want my husband. This isn't the first time this has become an upsetting situation, but I'm starting to think other things. We go everywhere together, he's hugs me all the time, but kisses me like I was his mom or a little girl. Don't know what to do. Right now we're not speaking and I'm sleeping on the couch.

MarkwithaK · Jan 26, 2009, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by aries16

This isn't the first time this has become an upsetting situation,

Did you think it would change after you got married?

Dare81 · Jan 26, 2009, 10:20 PM

Originally Posted by aries16

I've only been married since Dec, 2008. My husband acts as if he isn't interested in being intimate at bedtime. I asked him what is going on or what the problem is and he just tells me he's sleepy and there is no problem. I'm 46 and he is 45, I am still very sexually active, but I want my husband. This isn't the first time this has become an upsetting situation, but I'm starting to think other things. We go everywhere together, he's hugs me all the time, but kisses me like I was his mom or a little girl. Don't know what to do. Right now we're not speaking and I'm sleeping on the couch.

He should be the one sleeping on the couch, not you. Sit him down and ask him what the real problem is.

MarkwithaK · Jan 26, 2009, 10:29 PM

I have to disagree here. Why exactly should he be sleeping on the couch? Just because he doesn't want to have sex?
Why is it that when the man doesn't want to have sex then it is his fault and yet when the woman doesn't want it and the man does then he should be understanding of her feelings?

Dare81 · Jan 26, 2009, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

I have to disagree here. Why exactly should he be sleeping on the couch? Just because he doesn't want to have sex?
Why is it that when the man doesn't want to have sex then it is his fault and yet when the woman doesn't want it and the man does then he should be understanding of her feelings?

Not wanting to have sex is not the only problem in this relationship, I think its something bigger.As for sleeping on the couch that was a joke

MarkwithaK · Jan 26, 2009, 10:38 PM

I'm not certain that there s enough information in the OP to say whether the no-sex thing is the only issue. But my question remains the same, why is it only a problem when it is the male that is not interested in sex?

Dare81 · Jan 26, 2009, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

I'm not certain that there s enough information in the OP to say whether or not the no-sex thing is the only issue. But my question remains the same, why is it only a problem when it is the male that is not interested in sex?

Intution my friend.I don't know why it is a problem when the man does not want to have sex, I would like an answer myself

TrueFaith · Jan 26, 2009, 11:53 PM

You should have worked out these issues before you got married.
Other than that

Sit him down and talk with him
And try and find other ways.
To make both of you guys happy

All the best

asking · Jan 27, 2009, 12:10 AM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

why is it only a problem when it is the male that is not interested in sex?

It isn't.

asking · Jan 27, 2009, 12:14 AM

Did you have sex before you were married?

neverme · Jan 27, 2009, 06:57 AM

Unfortunately these issues should have been resolved before you got married, that's true, but no help really is it?

I'd suggest a counselor which may be hard so early in your marriage but if you've tried to talk to him and got no real answers then it is the only other option.

If you or he finds issue with so early on in your relationship try to remember or tell him, would it be better to continue in your marriage until it becomes bigger and takes over the way that you see each other or to deal with it now, when you both still have hope and optimism on your side.

Best of Luck.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 09:30 AM

There is not a lot of info, such as your ages, how long have you been together before you got married, do you both work, and what has changed since the marriage?

I think life, and reality, has put you both in a situation where adjustments need to be made together, that can only come with some honest communications.

Obviously the honeymoon is over!

asking · Jan 27, 2009, 10:16 AM

Ages are 45 and 46. But I agree. It's unclear what led up to this situation. How long were they dating before hand? Did they have premarital sex? If not, that would account for a lot. If so, how was it then? Were either of them married before? How is their health?

Too many unanswered questions.

They certainly need to talk about this.