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Gina Elizabeth · Jun 27, 2015, 06:54 AM

When I met my husband he was only here for 2 years. I fell in love with him. We married a year later and are together 3 years total, 2 years married in November. He is good in so many ways. But when it comes to his family I just feel second best. He thinks of them before me on important holidays, he gets angry if I disagree with any of them. He chooses them over me until I get upset then we just fight and nothing works out. Now they want $1000 or more from him to help his sister and her family come here to the United States and we don't even have it. So he has to save for it and it puts pressure on us. He knows I'm not happy about it but he told me he's going to do what he has to do for his family and that I am selfish for asking him not to. I can't handle this lifestyle anymore. I wanted to go on a vacation and now we can't and I'm told I'm selfish for wanting that because his parents have not seen their daughter in 15 years and never met their grandchildren. But we are in our mid 20's. We work we pay. We won't have extra cash and I'm a nursing student and I just want to enjoy life but his sister is always asking for money and it's always a lot of money. What do I do?

J_9 · Jun 27, 2015, 08:17 AM

What do you do? Stop being selfish. You sound like a selfish spoiled brat. He has been in your life for three years total, but his family hasn't seen his sister for 15 years and never met her children.

Have you ever heard the adage "blood is thicker than water"? With an attitude like yours I doubt you will be married much longer.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2015, 10:18 AM

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. He won't change, and has a mission. You are right you are not his highest priority. His family is. Maybe you are selfish. So what, he is too!

But be real, if you didn't sign up for this, then get out of it before you really hate each other. The honeymoon is long over, and if you cannot work together, you're better working apart. You never said if you have kids or not together, and I certainly hope NOT.

DON'T!!!!

Jake2008 · Jun 27, 2015, 11:29 AM

Have you considered the possibility that he married you, in order to bring his family over?

Have you considered what is going to happen when they do get here? Live with you?

Clearly you did not know this man, no matter what motivates him to put his family first. Not only do their needs come first, but your needs are not even considered.

Was his family some sort of secret to you before you married him? Was there no money going to his sister that you were aware of? Did the money giving start after you married him?

The obvious here, are the cultural differences and expectations. You are now supposed to dump your cultural values, and live according to his.

Unless you are prepared for a life of misery, being second best, and always at the whim of his family, then get out.