Okay, I had a long post detailing history and I will answer any questions but it was just too long and I felt I was likely being quite one sided against his problems and that is unfair. Obviously, a relationship is never one sided with one partner in the right and one in the wrong. We do have a tendency to see things from our perspective though, I will try to be honest towards my faults.


The big problem:
I have been married just over a year. My husband travels a lot. When he is gone, life is easier and happier for me and when he's home, I wish he's gone.

Details.
I'm 23 and he is 34. We've been married for a little over a year and together for 5.

I miss him some when he's gone but things are so hard when he's back; he is derogatory towards me and provides very little help with our house or 6 month old child while making a lot more work for me.
I am a stay at home mom (and a full time student; online) so I agree the bulk of the work is mine, it's my job while he's busting hump providing for us, but he is only willing to watch our child for 3 hours a week and will complain if I even ask him to watch her while I do dishes or prepare dinner.
We have been together 5 years. I had my doubts when we got engaged, as he used to be emotionally abusive to me, but that diminished and insults and cussing while still happening on occasion are rare. I learned how to respond more assertively; when I don't retreat the communication is less likely to take on old patterns, however, sometimes (this is my fault) I still retreat because I hate fighting and think a lot of the stuff is silly to fight about anyway. However, responding assertively no longer has the power it has had for the last couple of years and sometimes he still railroads me and tells me I'm wrong. I bought the wrong brand of popcorn this last weekend and was yelled at for an hour.
I used to put up with it and think if I just was a better woman he wouldn't yell, and he has told me that was the case - that I am responding incorrectly because I grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive household... and I have managed to improve and cut down the yelling, but at some point I don't always want to be fighting and at some point I want my needs to be considered too... I have become a lot stronger since the birth of my daughter and since then I've started to feel that my needs should be considered and this has not gone over well. However, it is not the abusive level it was at one point... it almost got there once while I was pregnant and I said I would leave if he spoke to me like that again, and it has not returned to that degree.

Other problems:
+We do not have anything in common so far as interests go. I enjoy fitness and reading and neither have the slightest appeal for him.
+He is morbidly obese. I do not mind big, and am not tiny myself (At 5'4, I'm anywhere between a size 4 and size 10 depending on what brand, you figure out women's sizing) -- however I am very fit (a marathon runner) and fitness means a lot to me. I worry about his health and have for a while - he promised me he'd start exercising before we got married-- but it's gone beyond that point now that he is up to 345 lb and I am not attracted to him. I don't have the heart to say this.
+Our sex life is not satisfactory to me. I have a high sex drive. I don't think his drive is necessary the problem because he'll happily take a couple of blowjobs a day (I try to offer at least once every day, though the last few months I've been so unhappy that sometimes I've not offered for several days and waited for him to ask-- yes, a little passive aggressive, and there you see a part of my fault in the problems in the relationship) -- I ask him for sex frequently and would prefer if he'd occasionally initiate, but we end up only having sex once a month, and then at my request. This makes me feel quite unsexy and I have told him this. He says I'm very sexy but the actions don't seem to match.
+He told me it was important to have a mom at home in the early years before I left my job, but often criticizes that I'm bringing no money into the household. I do try to be cautious with his money but do buy myself things sometimes such as race entries or running shoes. I feel it is important to be at home, and childcare for our daughter and an extra car would cost more than I could make working until I'm done with school.


I have developed a close friendship with someone I care deeply for despite knowing that can be detrimental when a relationship is in trouble. I do compare my husband to this other person sometimes. Nothing has gone on that is unacceptable in the confines of my relationship or that my husband is unaware of, but I have developed feelings.

I have suggested counseling in the past but he says we cannot afford it. His income is too high for reduced fee sessions.

Our communication is problematic. I do tend to back away, but when I do not back away he tends to tell me I am wrong and invalidate my opinion. Trying to argue my side usually leaves me more hurt and feeling further away from him than just acquiescing and moving on. My tendency to do this frustrates him. He occasionally likes to fight and is very extroverted and outspoken. He has a very dominant personality and knows he has a tendency to run over other people... he has to reign it in at work but will not for me.

I do remember why I love him; He is extremely intelligent and he is one of the funniest guys I have ever met.
Even thinking of that I feel more of friendship love than romantic love... after it being so hard for so long, it has faded, if that makes any sense.

He does love me and tells me frequently, and after a blowup over nothing or one where he insults me viciously he will apologize. He does have a lot on his plate working.

I do not have the earning potential in the job market to take care of my daughter and I and will not for another 4 years until I have finished with school and she is in school.

Any thoughts on what to do? Is this too far gone?

If we did not have a daughter I would have left him.

However, WE do have a daughter and that is important and I want her to have the happiest, healthiest upbringing possible and not go through the kinds of things I did or have to want for anything.