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MandaD · Oct 19, 2006, 12:07 PM

My finacee (25) and I (24) have been together for over a year. We have one son together that is 8 months old, we currently do not live together. He has primary custody of his other 2 kids (a 5 year old and 3 year old). His ex wife is a raging witch and always a thorn in our sides. SHe uses the children against us and our son. He wants to get married on the 14 of Feb.. . but I don't know if I should, because I can't stand his ex and I want my son to have everythng that I had (experiences etc) growing up. And I know I can't do that with 2 older sibs what should I do?

AKaeTrue · Oct 19, 2006, 12:55 PM

It's wrong to assume that his other two children would cause your son to have less experiences than you did in life. Parents play the role in making good memories and experiences for their children through many different ways even when there is more than one child.
It's possible that his x wife is totally jealous right now and making it hard for everyone. For the children's sake, if she is unable to control herself in an orderly manner, then you should step up and be the mature one. Do what needs to be done for the time being for everyone to get along and to keep problems to a minimum.
If you don't feel marriage is the best choice right now, then talk to him about postponing the wedding until the smoke clears...
There is a way to coincide with his ex wife, you just have to be patient and find what works.

MandaD · Oct 19, 2006, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by MandaD

My finacee (25) and i (24) have been together for over a year. We have one son together that is 8 months old, we currently do not live together. He has primary custody of his other 2 kids (a 5 year old and 3 year old). His ex wife is a raging witch and always a thorn in our sides. SHe uses the children against us and our son. He wants to get married on the 14 of Feb. ....but i don't know if i should, b/c i can't stand his ex and I want my son to have everythng that i had (experiences etc) growing up. and i know i can't do that with 2 older sibs what should i do??

thanks for the advice, but the x has always been a pain, but as recently turned up the "witch" factor ever sense my boyfriend has gotten primary custody of the kids she only sees then on the weekends (when we don't have anything planned with the kids)... Plus, there are other things going on right now, my boyfriend called CPS on the x, then his son got bit by a dog and that lawsuit is just starting then the x called CPS on him... so much drama going on right now

AKaeTrue · Oct 19, 2006, 04:30 PM

Oh, drama... enough said...
I hate drama and the BS that goes with it...
Especially when the people in the wrong try to pull everyone not involved into it with them... the old saying "misery loves company".
If you feel you can give your son a better life by shielding him from all the ugliness, then you'd only be protecting him... right?
Go with your gut feeling on this one. I know I'd remove my children from a bad situation... and wouldn't think twice about it.
After all, good experiences and wonderful memories can only be made when the child is in a happy, loving environment...
Good luck, be strong...

MandaD · Oct 20, 2006, 06:15 AM

I know I could give my son a better life, but my boyfriend I'll call him "joe", says that all I think about is the money aspect. He says that having "ned"'s dad and brother and sister around all the time is more important. That having money to spend on "experiences" but I don't know honestly that I want to be a mother to 2 other kids, because when they got a divorce (they were in the process when joe and I got together) I thought that the ex would get primary custody and we would get weekends. But it didn't work like that... my mom (who's opinion I value says:

" Common sense says that if you have the same income and split it between 3 kids instead of 1, the 3 each get less than the 1 would if he were alone.
However, the answer also depends on future income expectations of you and John if you marry and if you don’t. And there is no way to know that answer.
You cannot base your decision totally on economics.
Children raised in poverty can turn out to be very happy and productive adults. So can rich little kids.
Or, both can turn out unhappy and unproductive adults.
Money is not everything. A good solid Christian upbringing is much more important."

but the thing is I don't want to raise my son in poverty... I want him to have a normal life

AKaeTrue · Oct 20, 2006, 04:23 PM

If you are already feeling this way... Then it's most likely going to get worse.
I feel you may end up (not purposely) but having and showing animosity toward anyone who you feel is taking anything away from your son (your BF, the X, and the other children).
It's a tough situation to be in, I hope everything works out.