My boyfriend and I are planning to marry next year. We've been together so far for 2 years and 8 months. We've never broken up or "gone on a break". We've been together since I was 14 and he was 15, and we are now 17 and 18. In that time we have matured together and grown as a couple. I know we haven't changed yet as much as we will in the future, but our plan is to change and grow as a couple, together. We are the most mature couple of this age that I know of... We know each other inside and out, front and backwards, and we are best friends, as well as a couple. We have great compatibility with each other too.
The thing is, he has just been sworn in to the Air Force, and will be leaving for training between now and 8 months (they haven't told him when yet). I think we will be just fine when he's gone in training... Compared to over 2 1/2 years, a month and a half isn't that big of a deal. But he will be stationed somewhere after training, and I want to be with him. At first we were planning on me going to college where he is stationed and we can just live together, but then we did some more research and found out he can only live out of the barracks (sp) if he is married. He wants to marry me, and I want to marry him. He is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Marrying him would also be better for college. I could use his G.I. bill, which will pay for some of my college, and he gets paid more money if he is married. The Air Force will pay for our rent on a house, and our utilities, which I know costs a lot. With that, the use of the G.I. bill, and his extra money he will be paid if we marry will help us out a lot, as I know money is usually pretty tight when you first get married.
He is the most mature guy I know, we care about each other, and truly love each other. He is one of those guys that you just know will take care of you, whatever you need. He's very honest, never cheated, never lied. I'm pretty complicated, and he knows me.
We would wait for marriage, but all the signs just point to getting married sooner rather than later. There are many changes and trials ahead of us, I know... but we want to go through them together. And if he is the person I want to be with, why wait?

The problem is, how do we get our parents to see what we see?
My mom is reasonable. Of course she doesn't want us to marry, but I know she will support me if she knows I won't change my mind. My dad, on the other hand, will not let up until my boyfriend and I say our vows... I know that. My boyfriend's mom though, is unreasonable and has threatened him that she wouldn't talk to him many times. I can only imagine how she will react when we tell her the news. She may never want to speak to him again... I know they are all just trying to protect us, and we respect that, but we need them to realize we are serious about this and support us.

We also weren't planning on spending much money on the wedding. We live close to the beach so we wanted to have a very small wedding on the beach to honor our parents (both my parents and his parents married on the same beach, same place... kind of weird both married couples picked the same place but about 20 years apart.. but hey). We thought it would be a good way to honor them but also have a nice small wedding.

Thanks for reading,
L

What's the hurry? Do you both plan on going to college? I would say that you should first establish yourselves financially, then start planning the wedding.

I do think that you do love each other and will make a success of a marriage, but why make it harder on yourself and start it off by alienating the in-laws?

When you turn 18 announce your engagement, but also announce that you are not setting a date for the wedding until you both have good steady jobs.

I think this will show the parents that you are committed but mature.

The military depends if you live on or off post will help pay some bills. I was Army I know the Air Force works a bit different however an new enlistee with no rank is going to be really tight. Yeah the extra money when you get married is okay along with the health benefits etc etc. He will most likey be deploying as well (I think AF is gone 4 to 6 months at a time) and if he gets an isolated tour in Korea for a year you can't go. Not trying to rain on your parade but I have seen a lot of young couples go through this.
As far as your parent/his parents once you turn 18 there isn't anything they can do. Try to explain that you do have a type of plan laid out to show you are serious. They may come around. Good luck to you both.

While I'm not one to push for marrying young, since I was in the "perfect" relationship at 18 (2 years) which lasted 6 years and crashed and burned... thank God we didn't marry... at the same time I know it can work in the right situations... wait if you can, but I know that's not your question...

All you can do is try to respectfully disagree. He can make his own decision and try to tell her that his isn't being disrespectful by not following her wishes. Sometimes adults disagree. You both need to do the best you can to let her have some say, meaning allow her to speak her mind... and at the same time you shouldn't be walked on or verbally abused.

Her threatening to not talk to him is emotional blackmail. Maybe this is just the action of a desperate mother. Or maybe it's the norm in the relationship. Do you know? Is she excessively controlling or does she manipulate him like this commonly?

My position is that if the relationship is solid between the son and mother, that in time all things will heal. The more polite you can be to her, while still holding your ground, the better.

She might be going through a lot of mad emotion... her son is leaving home, going into the service, and potentially getting married, and doing so at a "young" age... any one of these can make a parent sleepless... not saying you are doing anything wrong...

They don't have such a good relationship. She is pretty controlling but he isn't one to be walked on. That's where they clash. She wants control and he won't give it to her. I have never actually been in an argument with her or anything. She's very strand-offish toward me. I've tried talking to her but she always seems shy and sheepish toward me. It's very odd.

Is he an only child or the baby? I have ran into that before. Not to mention joining the military nowordays is stressful for any parent.

The hurry is that it's either I can marry him, and we will be able to live together, or we can be totally apart and separated. I plan on going to get an Associate's degree to be a Nuclear Medicine Technician and he wants to go to night school so that he will eventually be able to be an Officer.
We won't alienate anyone. We want everyone to be involved in our marriage. I was saying that I think she will alienate us, and there is nothing we can do about it. I also think though that she would alienate us if we got married now or later. She just isn't fond of me. My parents love my boyfriend though and will eventually come around, just not very soon.

No he is the oldest. He has a little sister from a different dad. But I understand she is probably just worried about her only son.

He will go in from training as an E3... which isn't great, but it isn't an E1.

Does he know his job yet. Because after basic he will have school and they get stationed somewhere. I don't know the regulations of transferring the GIBILL but it won't be effective until he does 3 years I believe to be eligilble for it. You would have to check out GIBILL.gov

Well... sounds like this is just the norm for the mother, or at least the norm plus a little stress from it all. You don't have to take crap from her, but you do have to accept her to some degree... she is, with all her faults, his mother...

And even though its hard to deal with, even a "dysfunctional" relationship is worth trying to keep healthy. Especially down the line, when kids come into play.

As long as you can say you tried both to respect her within reason and were as polite and kind as you could be, you will always be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know the problem, if there is one, isn't with you.

You didn't ask for it, but ill give it... my advice for any marriage, especially a young one, is to talk a lot and to plan a lot. Talk about money. Talk about sex. Talk about goals. Talk about fears.

Then do something about each of them. Don't just think about money, come up with a budget, a savings plan... hard to do when you are young but you will be amazed at how much money you can save by just paying attention and holding to a planned budget within reason.

Scour the posts here and you'll see lots and lots of people frustrated with sex. None of them wanted the problems they are having. Its easy to "find yourself" in a place you didn't want to be. And the longer you are together, the easier it is to be complacent. I know. You're young. Everything is new or new enough. Again... trust me... talk to each other... and then plan.

Sometimes you'll fail. Sometimes you'll succeed. But marriage, even great ones, take work. Marriage forces us to deal with our personal issues and the personal issues of our mate, like it or not. And the more you can be proactive the better things will be.

Sorry, I whiffed on the part about going into the Air Force. I would sit down and talk to all the parties, show them your comittment and your level headed plans. Ask for their blessing but let them know you will follow your hearts.

Thank you. That's the best advice online I've gotten. My boyfriend and I believe very much in communication, and that it is the basis for good relationships. We know each others plans and goals. But thank you for the idea on a budget plan. I'll talk to him about it and I'm sure we'll make one. I know we will leave the door open to his mom all the time, no matter what she says, because under all the disfunction, she is a good mom that is just trying to do what's right. I will just try to have a Christian heart about it all and accept anything that gets thrown at us.

Somebody please give a class to these Wedding Rushers! (not crasher):D
It's your personal choice so I really have nothing to do about it
But in real world, financial foundation of a marriage plays an important role!
Get an education, a steady job, because once you get married there will be more responsibilities that you didn't expect before.
Plus wedding is not free, don't always expect your parents would pay for everything.
Both of you should have worked a few years get to know more about real world and improve yourselves in many area,learn to think in long term.
Best wishes.

Everyone here has covered it beyond what I could, so I'll just say this:

You sound level headed and your mind is made up for sure. Sit them down over dinner, gently tell them your plans, and ask for their blessing. If they don't give it, continue on and send them an invite. I think its sweet to be married on that same beach. Marriage puts you into adult hood pretty fast, so be ready. :)