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    alicia_guevarra's Avatar
    alicia_guevarra Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 21, 2011, 06:22 PM
    My man is insensitive
    For more than 10 years my husband and I had inactive sex life. Does this mean, he has another woman and doesn't love me anymore? But we still live under the same roof but not the same bed. I'm 48 and he's 45. We both work and still sending 2 kids in college. *** help.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    Jan 21, 2011, 07:03 PM

    Is there a specific reason you are not sharing a bed? That certainly can cut down on your sex life. Have you discussed it if you have a desire to have more intimacy? If so, what was his response?

    It does not mean he has someone on the side. Many couples will find their sex life cools a bit over time. What is your relationship like otherwise? Do you go out together? Do you touch each other outside of sexually? Do you do things around the house together?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,880, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Jan 22, 2011, 06:40 AM

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/immigr...en-544166.html

    How is this related?
    alicia_guevarra's Avatar
    alicia_guevarra Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 23, 2011, 09:17 AM
    Comment on DoulaLC's post
    Just this afternoon I confronted him because a read a text message in his fone a girl telling him that she loves and misses my husband. My husband did not deny because according to him the girl like her so much and he's just playing games with her.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    Jan 23, 2011, 09:49 AM

    He is 45 years old, he has no business playing games with another woman. Obviously this is not new if she is saying she loves him and misses him. So sadly, they have been in contact for awhile.

    Time for another chat with him, letting him know the game playing ends. It is not acceptable behavior for a married man.
    Personally, I would discuss the need for some marriage counseling with him. While some couples do choose to sleep in separate beds, that, along with the other concerns, requires your attention.

    Let him know that you are missing being intimate with him, that you would like to share a bed with him, that you are not happy that he is acting as though he is single with this woman on the phone. Ask him whether he wants to remain married and, if so, is he willing to work with you to rebuild the relationship.
    alicia_guevarra's Avatar
    alicia_guevarra Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Feb 5, 2011, 02:03 AM
    Comment on DoulaLC's post
    We had a talk and he promised to let go of the girl if I will be the same woman he marry 20 years ago. We compromise by surrendering to me his celfone. But still, I don't trust him anymore that he might still be seeing the girl.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #7

    Feb 5, 2011, 05:36 AM

    You won't be the same woman, as I'm sure he is not the same man from 20 years ago. People do change, dreams change, goals change, needs change.

    The tricky part can be accepting those changes, adapting to those changes, and communicating those changes.

    It will take time and small steps to rebuild trust. Only time will tell whether he is doing all that he can to work with you to rebuild that trust, and hopefully have a better understanding of each other and each others' needs.

    Be sure that the two of you are spending more time together, doing some of the activities you used to do together, finding new things to do together. Rediscover what brought you together in the first place... that is the foundation you will now build a better relationship on.
    alicia_guevarra's Avatar
    alicia_guevarra Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Feb 10, 2011, 09:00 PM
    Thanks for the advice, my husband and I are doing good, patching things up and learning to forgive each others shortcomings.

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