You talk about you and the woman who you are in love with as being happily married to others. If you are both happily married, then I don't know why you would want to jeopardize that with the possibility of having an affair with one another. I am presuming that the two of you took vows at the time of your marriages. Remember those vows?
I have been in love before with someone who was living with someone else. As far as I was concerned, because she was not married, she was free to be sought out as a possibility as a significant other for me. She was also interested in me. We both understood that she loved the man with who she was living. But, then she got married to him. Because of my beliefs in the fidelity of a marriage, she became "off limits" to me. We are still friends, though. And, I do still love her. I see no problem with being in love with, or loving friends as well as keeping the boundaries in place if they are necessary.
As far as I am concerned, when you take vows in a marriage, it is something to be honored, respected and kept by anyone.
Please speak with your wife concerning your thoughts. Try doing something different with your wife to make things interesting, i.e. social things, sex, etc. If you have been happily married to her for 16 years, then there has evidently been a lot of good things that have kept you together that long. You may just be in a rut with her to be wanting to be with someone else.
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