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DeliciousV · Dec 11, 2010, 06:51 PM

I am married but tired of sex with a man. Am I gay. I long to be with a female, but this thought interrupts my ability to be satisfied with my husband intimately. Any suggestions? I am tired of pretending that I am pleasured. It is almost like a job now. What should I do. Should I have a secret affair with a woman to get it out of my system. My husband is wonderful. He wants a threesome. I am not interested in that. Men are rough and hairy. A female is soft and sensual. Please somebody give me some advice.

talaniman · Dec 11, 2010, 07:38 PM

Talk some more with your husband, and not about a threesome, but about what you are feeling about being with another female without him. How old are you, and how long have you been married?

Your husband may be wonderful, but if you are not satisfied, and think another female is what you need, then that borders on obsession, and may be distracting you from your real problem. How long have you wanted to experiment with same sex relations??

DeliciousV · Dec 11, 2010, 08:02 PM

Oh on and off the thought has entered my head, but because of religious, family and societal barriers I ignored the thoughts and took the traditional route, family, children, dog, house.. etc. Married 20 years now

I think that my inability to give him more children has caused me to shut down because it is like a useless act to me, because I know he wants more children because our only child is autistic.

DeliciousV · Dec 11, 2010, 08:19 PM

I am really shy about my sensualist. I only answered a question when he asked me if I ever had thoughts like that and I told him yes in the past and I put them out of my mind. The he teases me and says lets have a threesome then. I laugh it off, and tell him if I ever did that he would never know. He feels that is not fair that I should be open with him. But I told him I am too shy to be open. He does not know the extent to which I am attracted to the female. He does not know that I feel my sexual responsibility as a wife is like a job and that I only pretend to be satisfied as to not hurt his ego. Its not him,its me that has the problem. I would never tell him that truth about our sex life. I will let him continue to believe he is the greatest lover of all times.. but deep inside me I am stuck in a prison that can never bee unlocked. My religious community, family, and friends would never except it. I have a niece that revealed that she was gay a couple of years ago, and I had to pretend that it bothered me and that she may grow out of it, cause that is the way society trained me.

talaniman · Dec 11, 2010, 08:22 PM

How old is your child? I am asking as its odd to me that after 20 years this not having another child would be an issue. Maybe I am misunderstanding something so bear with me, please as I get the facts of the time line together.

I can certainly understand suppressed feelings coming forward as we get older, or changing ourselves to fit a norm for many years but, I don't quite see what's going on now for this to be an issue. I think that anything that distracts from the family dynamic or couples working together needs to be talked about and resolved together, but not having children would be a long past subject, and resolved long ago, unless I missed something, which is quite possible.

I was more thinking its been some recent event that has you thinking the way you do now.

DeliciousV · Dec 11, 2010, 09:47 PM

I am sorry we have been married 30 years, my son is 15 years old. I had him when I was 40. He is downs syndrome, ADHD and autistic. I was afraid I would have another special needs child so I tied my tubes with out telling my husband.

He wants more children has always wanted more but I feel guilty that I never told him I couldn't produce anymore. So the guilt just wore on me after year after year of trying. We could have adopted my sisters kids and raised them but he didn't want.

Aleeravilu · Dec 11, 2010, 10:14 PM

Well sorry I have to state this out loud but, if a woman gives birth to the child at the age of 40 or more, there are Very high chances that the child will have down syndrome and some other sickness. I believe that you're over 40, so it's best you don't have children anymore. Explain to your husband about it, he'll understand.
And please Stop being shy! If you don't say your feelings out loud your husband will never know it

talaniman · Dec 12, 2010, 09:30 AM

And what in the face of all those secrecy and unresolved issues, has made you want to explore your repressed sexuality? I think I know, you are looking for a switch to hit to turn on some happiness for yourself, some measure of fulfillment that's lacking for you.

I have to ask why you waited nearly 15 years into your marriage to have a child? By my math you are mid 50's now, so what was going on back then, career, maybe?