Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 3, 2007, 09:12 AM
    Issue with sex, intimacy, or self-esteem?
    My husband and I have been married 14 1/2 yrs. And together 17. We are both 34. For the past 2 yrs. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety and am on meds for this. Over the past 6 months. Or so I have become obsessed with sex, but I'm not sure it's the sex that's the issue. If my husband doesn't touch me somehow sexually on a daily basis I feel he doesn't want me and then I feel horrible. If more than a few days go by and no sex I feel there's something wrong. I used to have moderately OK self-esteem, but now I feel if my husband doesn't want me I am nothing. My counselor says I have lost my individuality. What do you think?:confused:
    suddenImpact's Avatar
    suddenImpact Posts: 175, Reputation: 23
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Apr 3, 2007, 11:47 AM
    I agree with your counselor. My girlfriend has a similar issue, hers I hear a lot of girls have. She gets very upset if I do not constantly tell her I love her. If we are just sitting there watching TV, she wants me to just randomly say "I love you".

    Personally it makes me feel like the words are meaningless. Although I do love her more than anything, since I'm pretty much forced to say it so often, the words themselves seem like nothing to me. It actually drives me crazy days where something happens and I really want to tell her how much I love her, although I say it, it don't seem like enough because I always do. This may be how your husband feels, he wants to touch you, and likes to touch you... but if he feels like he must do it, its not the same... does that make sense? (Its hard to write down what I'm thinking)
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Apr 4, 2007, 07:15 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by suddenImpact
    I agree with your counselor. My girlfriend has a similar issue, hers I hear a lot of girls have. She gets very upset if I do not constantly tell her I love her. If we are just sitting there watching TV, she wants me to just randomly say "I love you".

    Personally it makes me feel like the words are meaningless. Although I do love her more than anything, since I'm pretty much forced to say it so often, the words themself seem like nothing to me. It actually drives me crazy days where something happens and I really want to tell her how much I love her, although I say it, it don't seem like enough because I always do. This may be how your husband feels, he wants to touch you, and likes to touch you...but if he feels like he must do it, its not the same...does that make sense? (Its hard to write down what I'm thinking)

    It totally makes sense. She told me that can't control what he says, does, or thinks. I'm only in control of me. I KNOW that, but it doesn't make it any easier when I want to be touched by him and he doesn't. He does tell me he loves me all the time though.
    mrscoltweaver's Avatar
    mrscoltweaver Posts: 240, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #4

    Apr 5, 2007, 11:43 AM
    Oh boy, this could be me writing to myself! I, too am on meds-first it was for depression after first baby, then changed to anxiety meds after second baby. Do you have kids? Pregnancy is a disease that your body never gets over! It changes even the most sane woman. Anyway, I finally figured I was unconciously setting my husband up to turn me down so I could continue to be angry, sullen and prove that he "didn't want me." It becomes very tiresome to husbands to put up with this! Who wants to have sex with a brat? Let go and focus on your need for intimacy with your husband in other ways. Do you talk like best friends anymore? Are you still feeling that connection with him? I promise, it's still there. Do you crave hand holding, hugs, etc. Sometimes changing YOUR actions in a positive way reaps huge rewards and make both of you happy. Remember, a lot of guys are just not touchy-feely. That doesn't mean anything is wrong!
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Apr 10, 2007, 09:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mrscoltweaver
    Oh boy, this could be me writing to myself! I, too am on meds-first it was for depression after first baby, then changed to anxiety meds after second baby. Do you have kids? Pregnancy is a disease that your body never gets over! It changes even the most sane woman. Anyway, I finally figured i was unconciously setting my husband up to turn me down so I could continue to be angry, sullen and prove that he "didn't want me." It becomes very tiresome to husbands to put up with this! Who wants to have sex with a brat? Let go and focus on your need for intimacy with your husband in other ways. Do you talk like best friends anymore? Are you still feeling that connection with him? I promise, it's still there. Do you crave hand holding, hugs, etc.? Sometimes changing YOUR actions in a positive way reaps huge rewards and make both of you happy. Remember, alot of guys are just not touchy-feely. That doesn't mean anything is wrong!
    We do have 2 kids. I probably SHOULD have been put on meds after my second was born, but I didn't want to "be happy" with a pill. I think I may be doing the same thing. Not setting myself to be turned down necessarily, but finding anything he is doing wrong just to be upset about it. I am being a brat, I'm sure. We do talk sometimes, when I'm not being a "brat". It's kind of hard right now to feel connected to him because I'm so focused on the sex thing. We do hold hands and hug a lot. He tells me all the time that he loves me. I WANT to change my thinking, I really do, but I don't know how.:(
    mrscoltweaver's Avatar
    mrscoltweaver Posts: 240, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #6

    Apr 10, 2007, 09:40 AM
    I, too, did not want to be on a "happy pill'. My doctor put it in plain English for me: During pregnancy and before, all the chemicals in my brain were performing normally. Now that you are not pregnant, one or more of these chemicals has stopped being produced. The medication is simply replacing and fulfilling the brains need. My meds do not alter my mood in any way at all. I know that if I get off them, there is no telling what I would be like!
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Apr 11, 2007, 08:01 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mrscoltweaver
    I, too, did not want to be on a "happy pill'. My doctor put it in plain English for me: During pregnancy and before, all the chemicals in my brain were performing normally. Now that you are not pregnant, one or more of these chemicals has stopped being produced. The medication is simply replacing and fulfilling hte brains need. My meds do not alter my mood in any way at all. I know that if I get off of them, there is no telling what I would be like!

    Well, I, too get very anxious wondering what I would be like if I weren't on my meds. I also get anxious thinking that this sex thing will never go away. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to wonder why he's not touching me "that way" or why we haven't had sex.:confused:
    mrscoltweaver's Avatar
    mrscoltweaver Posts: 240, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #8

    Apr 11, 2007, 10:28 AM
    ALL of that could be chemical related! Strange thoughts, obsessions, etc were a direct result of my imbalance! I was so bad that I would not go outside after my first baby was born. I literally would wring my hands at the thought. I would sit staring out the window and cry like I was in mourning.
    Nighttime, I thought someone was breaking into my house and I was hypersenistive to sounds. Don't even get me started on bad weather and God help if there was a mosquito in the house-I would hover over the baby thinking I could not possibly let it land on her! The thought of any intimacy make we want to throw up.
    All of that went away with the medicine. At first it was very hard to accept that I needed meds. No one else in my family had mental issues and I certainly never did before. That's when my doc told me about the whole chemical process. It made more sense then.
    I'm not trying to force you to take pills but I just wanted to share my experience with you. Your well-being and happiness are very important!
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Apr 12, 2007, 07:27 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mrscoltweaver
    ALL of that could be chemical related! Strange thoughts, obsessions, etc were a direct result of my imbalance! I was so bad that I would not go outside after my first baby was born. I literally would wring my hands at the thought. I would sit staring out the window and cry like I was in mourning.
    Nighttime, I thought someone was breaking into my house and I was hypersenistive to sounds. Don't even get me started on bad weather and God help if there was a mosquito in the house-I would hover over the baby thinking I could not possibly let it land on her! The thought of any intimacy make we want to throw up.
    All of that went away with the medicine. At first it was very hard to accept that I needed meds. No one else in my family had mental issues and I certainly never did before. That's when my doc told me about the whole chemical process. It made more sense then.
    I'm not trying to force you to take pills but I just wanted to share my experience with you. Your well-being and happiness are very important!
    I already am taking the pills. Have been everyday for almost 2 yrs, but this obsessing started last year sometime in the summer. Sometimes I'm OK and sometimes it's horrible.
    mrscoltweaver's Avatar
    mrscoltweaver Posts: 240, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #10

    Apr 12, 2007, 09:10 AM
    Maybe you need a stronger dose or a change in medication. After the Prozac for the depression, I had to be switched to Effexor because I was no longer "depressed" but having horrible anxiety attacks that took me hours to feel like myself again.
    Pregnancy is a disease that your body and mind never get over!
    Is the obsessing an anxious feeling? Have you talked to your doctor?
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Apr 16, 2007, 07:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mrscoltweaver
    Maybe you need a stronger dose or a change in medication. After the Prozac for the depression, I had to be switched to Effexor because I was no longer "depressed" but having horrible anxiety attacks that took me hours to feel like myself again.
    Pregnancy is a disease that your body and mind never get over!
    Is the obsessing an anxious feeling? Have you talked to your doctor?
    I am currently on Effexor. My doctor also put me on Buspar to help with the anxiety(which has helped some). Yes!! The obsessing can make me very anxious. Pregnancy can make you nutso. And can you believe we have been trying to get that way for quite awhile now. I am trully a glutton for punishment.
    mrscoltweaver's Avatar
    mrscoltweaver Posts: 240, Reputation: 20
    Full Member
     
    #12

    Apr 16, 2007, 10:24 AM
    My best friend swears that the ONLY time a woman is "normal" and feels good is when we are pregnant! Now, she's a nut and I think SHE needs meds! Just kiddin'... but she is very OCD now when she was not that bad before kids.
    Stac33's Avatar
    Stac33 Posts: 115, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #13

    Apr 17, 2007, 09:29 AM
    I agree with her. I felt great when I was pregnant both times. There's a little piece of me that is thinking at least when I am pregnant there will be something else for me to focus on other than sex.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Trouble with intimacy in marriage [ 8 Answers ]

My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years, but seem to have suffered from some degree of bedroom intimacy issues for the last 5 or so. We have been together for 8 or so years and used to have a very healthy and happy love life. Over time her lebito has slowly worsened to the almost grinding...

Lack of Intimacy in Two-year Relationship [ 8 Answers ]

Hello, and first of all, Id like to thank anyone who has taken the time to read or answer to this post. I am incredibly appreciative. My problem is as such: I have been dating a woman for the last two years. Were both the same age (I just graduated college last year), and have been living...

18-year-olds, physical intimacy? [ 4 Answers ]

I'm a freshman in college. I found a wonderful guy about 3 months ago, and we are now going out (we made it official a month ago). We're both very spiritual, and have had many long talks about our values and interests. We've shared secrets and both respect each other very highly. This is the...

Forgiveness, trust, intimacy [ 24 Answers ]

During 18 years of marriage my wife would periodically fly into a rage, and without warning launch a verbal attack on me so sudden and viscious it would leave me utterly devastated. It felt like being kicked in the stomach. The "reason" was always something relatively trivial, just as likely to...

Fear of Confrontation and Intimacy [ 2 Answers ]

Hi, I'm new to this board and I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who contributes and offers help to those of us in need. It is most appreciated. Now, as for my problem... Here is a breakdown of the problems that I suffer from. I'm sure they have something do with my confidence issues: ...


View more questions Search