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rockyw · Sep 17, 2010, 12:46 PM

Hello everyone I am a wife of a merchant naval officer, we got married 4 years back our son is 3 years old. Just week after marriage my husband confessed about the lie he told me and my parents about his financial status and that he has a lot of debt, secondly when I opposed and wanted to end up this marriage at once for his being dishonest to me and my family he hit me for the first time

Just 10 days after my marriage and after that in public or at home he frequently abuses me whenever at home after his 6 months contracts, I am tired of this and I think instead of loving him I have started hating him,it is just getting impossible to carry on with this horrible person.

I'm all alone no siblings my parents are off now,just met a friend of my husband online and I tried to share this difficulties of mine with him, we spoke night after night and just after a few talks I realized that this was the person I was meant to love and now I am finally in love with him he also gave me some hints about this but now its time for my husband to return home from his voyage I am actually tensed that I can no more be a lovey dovey with him any more after realizing my love for this friend of his,though I haven't told my hubbies friend anything about this feeling of mine but truly at least I can't stick around with my husband any more,what should I do please someone help me out guys..

Edited/T

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2010, 01:18 PM

First, you need to stop contacting his friend. You are building a fantasy relationship right now because you aren't available to build a real one.

Second, if your husband abuses you (especially physically), get out while he is gone. Go to a women's shelter if you have to. If you have time before his return to get a job and your own place, do so. Contact a lawyer who specializes in Family/Divorce law to find out what your rights and responsibilities are.

Third, do not leave your husband for another man no matter how much he may seem like 'the one' you were meant to be with. You need to be able to heal and stand on your own two feet. Otherwise you will keep questioning yourself and what you are capable of. Rebuild your self-esteem.

answerme_tender · Sep 17, 2010, 01:18 PM

If your husband is abusing you leave and get to a woman's shelter so they can help you and your stay safe. On subject of you wanting to leave and getting with this so called friend of your husband, not a good idea. You should not mess around when married, if you are unhappy get a divorce. Also have you actually meet this guy of yours, or are you just chatting over internet? If its only over internet or phone how do you know that your husband isn't setting you up, so he can catch you cheating!!

Kitkat22 · Sep 17, 2010, 01:29 PM

Leave and don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. Leave the "friend" alone.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2010, 03:17 PM

I took the liberty of looking up your IP address and know for a fact that there are some really great woman shelters in your city, that have counseling and legal help for you.

Call one, and get the help you need. You really must get away from him, better to be gone before he gets back.

Alty · Sep 17, 2010, 03:25 PM

You've gotten great advice, and I only have one thing to add.

You think you're in love with this friend, but I doubt you are. Right now you'd probably fall in love with anyone that shows you a bit of kindness, a bit of love, a bit of attention. This isn't love, this is desperation, something to grab hold of while the rest of your life is in turmoil.

Leave your husband, but don't go after this friend. Get everything settled, stand on your own two feet, take care of yourself and your child. When all that is done, than you can look for love, but right now you have to learn to love yourself before you can give your love to anyone else.

Good luck.

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2010, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I took the liberty of looking up your IP address and know for a fact that there are some really great woman shelters in your city, that have counseling and legal help for you.

Call one, and get the help you need. You really must get away from him, better to be gone before he gets back.

Thanks, Tal, for setting my mind at ease about that part of my advice.