My husband wants a divorce. When we finally calmed down, we had a talk and he explained his reasons. He said that he still loves me, to a certain extent (I'm not sure what that means). He said he married me for all the wrong reasons, that at the time he thought he wanted to be married because he liked being seen as a grown up. We've been together for six years, married for almost two. He said he had seen red flags on me that he knew he shouldn't even dated me, but he when I asked if he fell in love with me at all, he said yes. So I'm thinking, he fell in love with me, and he still loves me, to a certain extent, so there must be hurtful things that I did/said that have been accumulated these whole years that he finally made him decide that he's done. However, when I asked if that's true or if he has any grudges towards me at all, he said no. He then said that he has been wanting to leave but never had the courage until now, and that he just has no feeling towards me anymore, that he has fallen out of love, hence he didn't want any counseling. He acknowledged that he's doing a terrible thing for dragging me for years, but he feels that this is the right decision. (I'm confuesd now, he said he still loved me, but also said he fell out of love.. He said he is happier now, and at peace, and when I asked if that's probably because there's no fight and arguments involved since he's been living apart for week, he said no. I see no sign of him having an affair or anything like that. I'm thinking that he is confused, he said he's trying to figure himself out, but insisted he knew this is the right decision because he had changed. I told him that marriages will always have ups and downs, that couples fall in and out of love throughout. But he then said that that sounded like heaven and hell to me. I didn't know what to respond to that. I asked if he believed that couples have to be in love all the time, he said yes. I told him he sounded delusionl because nobody does that, nobody is built that way. What is going on? I feel that now I'm more confused than before the conversation took place.. Any thoughts?

Well, you can't make anyone love you, see the truth, do anything else they don't want to do. Sounds like he's conflicted but maybe he really is telling the truth and he just doesn't love you any more, as painful as that is to you.

The other thought is that perhaps he's looking for that rush you get with a new relationship - and you know that changes into something deeper when you are together for a long time.

Is there someone you could talk to, with or without him, so you have peace of mind?