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careeba · Feb 3, 2010, 07:40 AM

Hi, I have a bit of a problem. I love my husband, but he is working away more frequently, and the more I tell him I can't handle being alone, the less he listens to me. I now have an issue where I am interested in my neighbour and he seems to be quite interested back, he gives me positive attention and keeps making jokes that he is going to start visiting me while my husband is away etc. Is that a normal joke to make 2 times in a row? (if I can judge by the text messages he sends me and the comments he cracks) - we have spent some time together as friends and I find myself liking the attention very much, so much that I can hardly think of anything else and he really makes me smile etc. But I know a relationship with this man can never work, what do I do to get him off my mind! Is it normal to think of someone so much and to be sad when you don't hear from them etc? I feel like a child in love here and I am married! Please help with any advice. Please... I can't get him off my mind!

redhed35 · Feb 3, 2010, 07:47 AM

I strongly suggest you back from this relationship with your neighbour.

Your probably feeling lonely,and enjoying the attention.

Stop the flirting,the texting ,stop everything.

Time to get back to putting your energy into your marriage.

Talk to your husband about how your feeling and make plans for when he comes home,stress to him that you need HIS attention.

Get busy with other things in your life and let your neightbour know you are not interested in developing the friendship any longer.

The most contact you should have with him is, 'hello' or simply a nod of your head,don't even think about asking for a cup of sugar.

If your husband does not take you seriously suggest couples therapy to get you both back on track.

HistorianChick · Feb 3, 2010, 08:09 AM

You are married; therefore, you are not available to begin a relationship like this with another man.

Is there any way that you can travel with your husband? A get away sometimes is just what is needed to rekindle a spark.

I'm with Red... couples therapy is a good start.

Back off from the neighbor. That's going down a road that you both will regret.

talaniman · Feb 3, 2010, 09:52 AM

For the life of me I can never figure why married people seek out attention from others, instead of finding good clean adult fun, and activities to do to occupy their time.

Back off this guy and tell him to leave you alone while you find something worthwhile to do to have friends and activities in your life while your husband is away working to give you a life that your enjoying.

Yeah this guy is serious about ringing your bell when hubby is away. Don't be dumb enough to let him, because you have better options.

Gemini54 · Feb 3, 2010, 01:15 PM

Time to put some energy back into your marriage. Remember those vows... "for better or for worse"?

Just because things are a bit difficult with your husband doesn't mean that you have to start soliciting attention from your neighbor. Clearly your energy is screaming, "I'm unhappy and need attention."

Put your attention back where it belongs - with your husband. Speak to him - be really clear about how you're feeling. Talk about how he might compromise regarding the time he spends away for work.

If you're unhappy being alone - find some other interests. You don't need a man to entertain you all the time do you? Join the gym, get a job, do a course. Whatever.

Stop the texting and flirting with the neighbor - perhaps if you texted and flirted with your husband, he might feel like staying home more often.

QLP · Feb 4, 2010, 12:48 AM

Do you have a job? If not, it might be time to start looking for one to fill your time, and in the meantime maybe hubby wouldn't be averse to you occaisonally accompanying him on his business trips and doing a bit of sight-seeing. The neighbour sees a situation he can take advantage of - kick him into touch.

If you already have a job look at what else you can do to fill your time constructively. Ask your hubby how long the situation needs to continue for. Maybe if he can give you a deadline when he can start cutting back on the trips away havng that to look forward to might help.