We have been having problems with our marriage but it was always because of outside forces. (kids getting in trouble with the law, family members and short of money and jobs)
But, we were standing togeather though it all. Then this past summer we had a argument and he took his wedding band off and started staying out late and not coming home until morning. Recently I noticed he was receiving phone calls and he would leave the room... then he started being mean, belittling me and lying to me.. now I know the woman's name, where she lives, and both phone numbers... yesterday I drove by her house and she called and told my husband I did... I listen to the message she left on his cell phone. He denys he's having a sexual relationship with her... but, he and I really haven't had any closeness since he took the wedding band off. I really don't want a divorce I am still in love with him and want to spend my life with him
I know this isn't funny, and if you want to SAVE your marriage, there's little legally you can do to her.
Meanwhile, you can have some fun with her. When you know she's home, don't drive by her house, park right out front, get of the car and stand there taking pictures and lots of notes on a notepad. If she asks you what you're doing, take a picture, right another note... then say, "Nothing."
When you're husband asks you what you're doing, smile, write a note, then say, "Nothing."
You can repeat similar things to this at her work and while out shopping. It would be REALLY funny if you brought a guy in a suit with you to her house one day to do the same thing.
As I said, you're not doing anything illegal, you're technically just making yourself known to her and freaking her out since she has to use her own imagination as to what you're doing. Since you're doing "nothing", her imagination will do much worse than anything you might ACTUALLY do.
Lastly, some good humor about your relationship with your husband might actually help. Frame the nicest picture you took of his girlfriend's house and give it to him to give to her. "I thought this one came out best...maybe she would like it."
Keep smiling, when he seriously wants to talk to you about YOU TWO, then turn off the humor and silliness, but when he's acting weird, you can at least appear fine and having some fun.
That should make him look at you a little differently.
If things change between you, or you care to give some more specific backstory, we can give more advice on how to deal with him, but remember, the most attractive thing to a man is an awesome woman with a life and backbone of her own who chooses to be with him when she doesn't have to, and who admires him.
Whatever he did/does that you can admire, remember it, mention it, start praising him in those areas again. Even when you're fighting, keep pointing out those good attributes while you work on the others.
"I know what a good lover you are, very attentive, so I can understand what your girlfriend sees in you if you're sleeping with her, too. I am working on being better myself and hoped to do that with you...you understand."
Tell him that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but his having a girlfriend obviously doesn't fit into that picture.
Suggest counseling and such, but his response will tell you a great deal and help you decide what you next move should be regarding staying in your marriage or not.
Sometimes you have to be willing to cut your losses and move on... as painful and heartbreaking as that may be.
HE is the one who is cheating on you... forget the other woman. She isn't twisting his arm to be with her... he is making that choice. You can't make someone feel something they don't feel.
This is a bad situation. I had something similar but the girl was psycho. On the day we got married she came to his apartment and refused to leave saying she wanted to spend the day with us. What? Was she serious? The not so funny part was that I never even knew that she existed. This was a shock for me. I do not trust my husband and cannot seem to get past it. We did not speak to each pther 4 like 6 months after that day. I did not hear from him or her. Finally in April this year we decided to reconcile and what do you know, she calls me out of the blue? How convenient is that? How did she get my number? She finally admittedthat she stole it from his phone. I was pissed and almost enede the marriage again. Come to find out, they were still messing around. Well needless to say, I was devasted and humiliated. It has been almost 6 months and our marriage is not doing well at all. I do not know if he still talks to her but from ehat I know she is married with 2 kids. I wish I could tell her husband becauseI am sure he does not know. They are claiming that they are not seeing each other .Only time will tell....I am not sure that I am going to make it in this thing long enough to see.
Honestly there's nothing you can do to make her back off!
Starting a relationship takes 2 people so does breaking it off!
Even if you make her go away
There is no guarantee that your husband will stay faith full
What you need to do is get your husband to back off her. And if he doesn't
You deserve better! You need to divorce him and find yourself some one that only needs you in there life not a wife and whore!
And if you do make that choice you need to be strong and not place if ands or buts to it!
I am having good days and some really bad days.....but with family and friends it will get better.....I deserve better and I will succeed!!!
Expect those good days and bad days to continue for awhile, it is a loss of what you had hoped your life would be, but it also allows you the freedom to move forward with your life. Divorce is not fun, but you will be wiser and stronger on the other end. Glad to hear you have family and friends to support, encourage, and rally behind you. You are right... you do deserve better!
Cdobben, I am glad to hear that you're moving on and look at your husband for what he really is. You deserve better and remember what don't kill you only makes you stronger. You are a strong women and I wish you the best of luck and what goes around comes around, so your husband will get his, twice as hard. It's good that you have a support system in place, lean on them. Best of luck!
... then he started being mean, belittling me and lying to me..
That is abuse. There is no excuse for abuse and if you stay in an abusive relationship the chances of you getting seriously hurt or killed go way up. Either ask him to leave or move out yourself and quick.
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