His insecurity and neediness is very anti-Attraction.
When his life is focus on you... it is also very un-Attractive.

Tell him to Read, "Ways of a Superior Man" by David Deida.
It will tell him why he needs a goal in his life other than you.
Audiobook version is available.

This neediness will cause you to disrespect him.

Did you recently changed the way you look? Or lose weight?

Never mind... I just read the other half of your post...
Anyway, your situation was very similar to mine... my wife went from a size 14 to size 4.
She started having girls night out and eventually cheated on me.

What he is doing is very negative to the relationship... in which I did too... There is no convincing him.
Talk to him and since you try that already... Get him to read your post and the book.

Yes. She said she lost weight.
I don't think this guy is in any danger of becoming superior to the OP.
Self reliant and confidant enough to get through the day would be a good start.

I can't imagine having to live like this. It's almost like he's your third child.
He needs to get a grip, and get some help.

This behavior is sad.

I think that you should print out your question, as written above, and let him see what it is that he is doing, how much you love him, that you don't want to leave him, and that all you want is your sanity back.

Life is simply too short to walk on eggshells.

Good luck to you.

Well, I know where his frame of mind is.
He needs help.

Yes, he needs to be confidence and self respect.

I am 2 years ahead of the path he is taking.
I understand his anger.

Heck, have him PM me... I will tell him what to do.

SVImager,
Have you already posted about how you got into that state and how you got out? Can you give the link here? If not, a summary here might be helpful to the OP.

Just to alert everyone, SVImager believes that men should be dominant and women should be submissive, know their place.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ng-403623.html

That's not what the OP needs.

To the OP. Your husband has placed you in a bubble, one of these days that bubble will pop, either because of him, or because you're tired of being in a bubble.

Counseling is really your best bet. It's time to get this out in the open. You can't be afraid to hurt him by telling him how you feel. If you keep holding this in then your marriage will be destroyed because sooner or later you'll throw in the towel because you've had enough.

Talk to him, go to therapy, work on your marriage.

Good luck.

Oh. You mean like this?

Sorry, I was not up on this.
I like "martial relationships." So apropos!

Here's for more respect for women and more reassurance for husbands.

Relax ladies, no real man buys this gobble-d-goop!!

Relax, T! We know that. :)

Oops, did I open a can of worms? :o

Sorry. :(

Back to the OP.

Back to the corner for me. :o :(

I wanted to stop back in and tell all of you THANK YOU! I appreciated all of the advice and concern.

I also wanted to give you an update. Last night I had the perfect opportunity to talk with my husband about my concerns. He came home and was depressed about a change at work, thinking that we would be unable to have any time together.

I took a deep breath and told him that he had to realize that he was responsible for his own happiness. I told him that life was too short to be unhappy. I also told him that he had to stop making excuses about work interfering with him being able to go to school. I told him that if he wanted to change careers he would have to make some sacrifices of his time and do something about it. He tried to say that he worked too many difficult hours and that he wouldn't be able to do it. I told him that he could use the time that he was playing around on the computer to do school instead. I also told him that he was just making excuses. He said that he needed me to help him get started. I told him that it was something he would have to be involved in. If he needed me to help him, he would have to sit down with me and figure it out together. I told him that he couldn't just sit around and wait for something to fall in his lap and that he couldn't expect me to do it all for him.

So, he's going to do it! We're going to sit down together tonight and get it all together. At first he rolled his eyes a lot and told me I'd been watching too much Dr. Phil, but when he realized I was serious, he realized that I was right and he's going to do something about it.

We also talked about him questioning me all the time about where I am. I told him that it was making me crazy. He said that he trusts me and knows that I would never do anything that would hurt him. He said that a lot of the times when he asks me about where I am and what I'm doing it's because he feels like he's not a part of my life and that it feels like we're leading different lives. He said that all of the things that I do with the kids makes him feel bad because he's at work and not a part of family activities. I told him that it was just one more reason that he should be determined to finish up with school.

Then we talked about him constantly questioning the stability of our relationship. I told him that the constant worry and need for reassurance was draining me. I told him that it would eventually drive us apart and me away. At first, he did just exactly what I though and said that me saying things like that really made him think that our relationship was in trouble. I stood my ground though and told him that I love him and the reason that I'm telling him all this IS because I love him. I told him that I want our relationship to be as strong as possible and it can't be if I'm not able to be honest with him. He said he was sorry for making things hard on me. He told me that he would really try to work on it. I also told him that he had to stop worrying about who I'm talking to. I told him that if he trusts me, then he shouldn't be worried at all. He fought back a little on this one, but I eventually got through to him.

After the whole conversation, he seemed so much better. He seemed happy that we had a plan together. He seemed more like the man I first married. He didn't text me once today while I was at work. He's texted me a few times tonight from his work, but not anything about his insecurities.

We're also planning to go out of town together next weekend. I actually called and asked someone to watch the kids.

I think I just needed someone to push me in the right direction. I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Thanks so much once again!

That's wonderful news.

I'm so glad that the two of you talked.

I wish you all the best.

Keep us posted. :)

I still stand by my statement.

What you people don't know is still what you don't know.
I didn't invent these ideas.
I was searching for reasons my wife cheated on me.
That was my approach to the problem.

I am not an expert on marriages, either... but I am not going to give the same reasoning as these other posters... like do more communications or more loving or more housework or more sharing or more thought sharing... after the "usual" solution what is next if the problem is still there or has gotten worse?

If you are not from this point of view you wouldn't understand.
The OP's husband would understand what I am talking about because I was there...

Jmjoseph... in your marriage... you were not in the position I was in, nor are you in the OP's husband position, especially with a Flight Attendant wife. I hope to God, you never have to know what is the feeling of having your family slowly slipping away from you... knowing you are doing everything right from everyday making everybody breakfast, packing their lunches, and making dinner, doing more than a fair share of cleaning the house and doing open communications and Agape Love (unconditional Love) and so on. Hey, if you marriage is working... don't change what you are doing. Be that great husband and Nice guy.



You guys can knock down my information (or me) all you want... but I am not here for you. I am here to share with others who need information other than the "Can"... "Current Popular" beliefs for a successful marriage (that might have worked for you).


Also, I didn't pose the original question... Our marriage counselors (husband and wife team) sponsored by my church asked... "what is going on? After 20 years of counseling, a phenomenon is happening. Before, Women was almost always the one asking for the husband to come to the session and now it is the other way around."

Your standard answers don't address this trend.
My answer is "The male role" has changed. This society dictates, He has to be in the delivery room otherwise he is not a good husband. I am not saying this is a bad thing or a good thing... I am just stating how things have subversively changed.

I didn't invent this answer either... it is from a group of single men who knows how to date women... and they are very good at it. They don't know everything... like they don't understand the bases for a long term relationship. That still baffles them. To them housewives are the easiest targets. (look if you are offended stop reading, I was offended too in the beginning... I am not here for a popularity contest). So, I asked Why... and applied what I had learn from other Relationship courses.

Of course, (duh) a feminist will not like what I have to say... because his or her point of view is from the other side of the spectrum. I respect the feminist movement and have supported it in the past. I just feel it has outlive its time and right now it has pushed too much to the other extreme. Like the saying... too much of anything is never good.

What is the cost?
More divorced families.
More dysfunctional families.
More kids in step families.

I understand the step family is the norm... please don't beat me up with this if your step family is working for you and is the greatest...

Enough of these personal attacks, and be warned that arguing someone opinion is useless, as this isn't a debate. You want to debate, start your own thread in members discussion, or PM each other.

Don't hijack another's thread with the personal stuff.

Thread is closed!!