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kelsie davis · Aug 31, 2010, 05:36 AM

I too have a husband that thinks I am cheating. This man happens to work in the same industry as my husband, and has told oh... about 800 guys at his work that I cheated on my husband with Him. I truly don't care about the 800 guys that think this is true, But my own husband thinks I did. Well when my husband and I were in a fight about this lie, I told him to bring this man to meet us. Then we would get to the bottom of this mess. His Reply, "why so you can get some more!" So now what? I love my husband, But does he Really love me, or does he love to hate me? Confronting the person who started the rumor is not always an option. I have even been thinking of the lie detector test, But I'm afraid when I pass it he will accuse me of sleeping with the guy (or girl for that matter) that gave the test to me in order to pass the test! Aaaaaaagh... any suggestions?

Jake2008 · Aug 31, 2010, 09:34 PM

Well, you have two options as I see it. You can admit to something you didn't do, to appease your husband, soak your hands in lye, take 15 lashes with a cat o' nine tails, and walk on a bed of broken glass. Then, make him his favourite dinner, tell him what a handsome stud he is, and how lucky you are to have him.

Or, you can tell him to stuff it, get over himself, apologize for being such a selfish jerk, and quit taking this degrading behaviour from him. As long as you're feeding the fire, it's going to burn.

dunnowhat2do · Sep 1, 2010, 09:08 PM

You need to get counseling. It does help. If he refuses, then maybe your marriage isn't worth it to him. Also, someone suggested to me that church has counseling in case you can't afford it. Good luck to you.

asking · Sep 1, 2010, 09:38 PM

It sounds like your husband is being humiliated at work by this guy and your husband is taking out his humiliation on you. It's too bad he can't see that. But I believe what's happening to him is a form of sexual harassment and is illegal. You should consider alerting your husbands supervisor or whoever is in charge of sexual harassment complaints.

Do NOT take a lie detector test. They are not reliable and you could "fail" it merely because you are nervous about the result. Hold your head up and continue to tell him he's wrong. If he threatens you or continues to harass you, you will have to put some space between you. Is there someone you could stay with for a few weeks?

Kitkat22 · Sep 1, 2010, 09:42 PM

Don't you dare take a lie detector test. How degrading would that be for you? Tell him to bring the guy home where you can confront him or you'll come to where he works.

He sounds very immature to me.

Jake2008 · Sep 2, 2010, 01:29 AM

I think you are in a position where you are fighting a war, with an invisible foe.

I don't know why the person spreading the rumour should be given such status, as to have any credibility in the first place. Why does your husband have such a problem with a stupid, unfounded rumour. It is the one spreading it that looks like a horses' a*s, not him.

Unless he keeps making a big deal out of, literally, nothing, he too will look the same. There is no substance, what's the big deal with him. His reaction to a rumour such as this, has me thinking maybe there is more going on here- with him.

If he is otherwise not a jealous type of man, something about this picture just doesn't add up.

What's that saying- sometimes thou protest too much?

Kitkat22 · Sep 2, 2010, 04:35 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I think you are in a postion where you are fighting a war, with an invisible foe.

I don't know why the person spreading the rumour should be given such status, as to have any credibility in the first place. Why does your husband have such a problem with a stupid, unfounded rumour. It is the one spreading it that looks like a horses' a*s, not him.

Unless he keeps making a big deal out of, literally, nothing, he too will look the same. There is no substance, what's the big deal with him. His reaction to a rumour such as this, has me thinking maybe there is more going on here- with him.

If he is otherwise not a jealous type of man, something about this picture just doesn't add up.

What's that saying- sometimes thou protest too much?

"The guilty pig, squeals first"... in other words he may be "squealing , because he's messing around". Who knows? ASk him.

Devorameira · Sep 2, 2010, 04:58 AM

Your husband is wrong to acccuse you, but it's probably been an embarrassment to him. I'm sure if this guy told 800+ people that there's beens tons of talk behind his back.

What I don't understand is why you don't appear more upset with the man who's spreading all the rumors?

Why not get even with the guy who's spreading all the crap and put him through some major embarrassment? I'd see an attorney to see if you can bring a civil suit against him for slander. (Slander is an untruthful spoken statement about a person that harms the person's reputation or standing in the community. Because slander is a tort (a civil wrong), the injured person can bring a lawsuit against the person who made the false statement).

Kitkat22 · Sep 2, 2010, 05:03 AM

This is my opinion... You have no reason to feel guilty if you didn't have an affair with this guy.

Go to this guy in front of all the ones he has lunch with and tell him he needs to back up his statement or you will take him to court for defamation of character.

He is a pig.

asking · Sep 2, 2010, 07:21 AM

I do not think confronting the guy at work is a good idea. You do not know him; he does not know you. Keep it that way, or you will add fuel to the fire.

Instead, file a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and obtain a right to sue.

According to Equal Employment Opportunity Commission guidelines sexual harassment includes:

Unwelcome sexual comments when such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment.

That's what your husband is experiencing (and of course he's bringing it home to you because he's a bit of an idiot).

Consult an attorney who specializes in sexual harassment cases. You can really fix that guy at work without ever talking to him and if your husband doesn't respect you like never before, he really is an idiot.

Kitkat22 · Sep 2, 2010, 07:28 AM

I have always believed when somebody accuses you of something to look them straight in the eye and let them tell you to your face why they are doing it.

You don't have to do it in front of everyone, just ask your husband to bring the guy outside or somewhere private where you can talk.

If he tells the truth and he has been slandering your name, that's when to file a complaint.

Face to face is the way to get at the truth.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2010, 08:50 AM

I don't like the way your husband is handling his business at all, and my approach would be instead of confronting you, he should be confronting the liar who spreads the rumors, either directly, or through a meeting with HIS direct supervisor.

It's a highly insecure male who brings his work woes to his wife's face, and makes all kinds of accusations. Maybe he is the guilty one here, don't know, but I do know this is NOT your problem and you should very firmly rebuke him for bring stupid dumb crap like this to your face. Did I say FIRMLY?

My wife would kick my a$$ for even believing such nonsense, and rightfully so! Strange he choses to confront you, and not the source. Thats what a real man would do, defend the honor of his woman, AND his own.

This is HIS problem, not YOURS, so don't let HIM get away with the crap HE is pulling on YOU.