My husband like his mother like a wife and his sisters and brothers like his children than me and my childern. How can I change this situation. How I will get my husband's care and love.

Sudhiquatar, I am sorry to do this but I have a few questions. This will help the people here give you some constructive advice.

1. How long have you been married?
2. Are your children his children?
3. Do you live with your husband's family?
4. What specifically is happening that makes you feel he prefers his mother & siblings to you and your children?

Now I am living with my husband and children. I have 3 girls. Iam working in a company. I will leave for work 7.45 am and come back 5.30 pm. My husband go for work at 9.30 and come back 12.30 and 5 to 9.30. When he is coming in the evening I will be very tired. So no mood for talking. My husband calling his mother and his brothers and sisters from the office only. And he take care of them with every thing. If tell him to take my children to doctor he is not interested. But if his mother or any family members sick he is calling them and tell them to go to the doctor.and ten times calling also. And everything he decide with his mother and family. He don't like to talk to my children beacause they are little shy. If anything ask to them then only they will reply. My husband need my children go to him and talk. But my children really they don't know. So advice me

My husband don't like to talk with me. He like talkative people. Me and my children and my family members are also not talkative.my husbad always problem with them also. He is telling to me you like your family only. My childern one 17 and one15 and one 12. He is not caring about their future also. In my husband family he id eldest one. And he has 2 sis and 5 brothers. He took care of his sis and brother study and full expense of his sisters marriage. When he spend money for their family they are too much appreciating my husband they are telling to my husband you are the father of the family. For hearing these words he still help them with money.We married before 20 years. Now for coming the problem too much there is a reason. My husband look my dauhters with bad mind. And some touched also.I don't know what to do for making my future good.

Suhiqatar, from what I am gathering, you have lived with this situation for 20 years! Although you may feel you have never accepted what he does, the simple fact that you have chosen to live side by side with these problems throughout your marriage shows that you actually have accepted his behavior. Now you are expecting him to change the way he does things. Please understand, I am not saying he is correct in what he has been doing. But, you need to accept partial responsibility for allowing it to go on as long as it has.

Since you have posted your question in the "Divorce" forum, am I right to assume you are thinking about a divorce? The best advice I can give to you at this point in time is, if you want to attempt to save your marriage, you should seek out personal counseling. This won't be a simple fix with a few words of advice. You need to undo 20 years worth of learned behavior, and relearn how to approach your husband to achieve the results that you desire. You need a person who is able to spend time with you and will teach you how to effectively communicate with your husband. I am assuming you are in India so I do not know what resources are available in your area. You might want to contact your personal physician and see if he/she knows where you might find the help you need. I wish you all the best in your journey.

Now we are living in qatar. We are planning to go for vacation to india next month. We build a new house we are going to stay there before we come back. After that my husband's mother and his brothers are going to stay there. You think this good or not.

It is not whether I think it is a good idea or not.

If YOU don't want to live with his extended family, then you need to have a very serious discussion with your husband. If you don't, your marriage will deteriorate further. I know you said that you and your family are quiet and not talkative, but in a marriage, communication is key to it's survival. If you don't speak up, talk about what makes you happy & unhappy, work together on compromises, then you will always be unhappy in your marriage and your life. Your husband isn't a mind reader. You need to let him know loud and clear what you want from him.

It doesn't sound to me that you are willing to divorce your husband.

So, I have to ask you- why are you here complaining about it.

It is what it is, and you accept it, and have for a very long time.

If you need to vent, maybe meet up with your girlfriends and have a good old fashioned no holes barred tear the men apart, along with a good laugh. (Works for me)

Lemming has asked very appropriate questions to try to figure out why you are posting in the 'Divorce' forum, when clearly, you are more concerned with buying a new house. With him.

Let's stop playing games here, and wasting the time of caring, intelligent individuals who offer advice trying to help you.

If you are actually planning to divorce your husband, say so. If not, quit your complaining.

Hi Sudhiqatar,
Marriage is very difficult. I'm not sure of the cultural or spiritual influences on your marriage, but I do feel your pain. It seems like your husband, as the eldest sibling, is culturally obligated to take care of his other siblings. This complicates things greatly. I'm a Christian. According to my beleifs, the husband is the head of the household, but he should respect, take care of, and consider his immediate family (wife and kids). He is supposed to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. This concept of cleaving and leaving means that he is to put his wife's needs and concerns first, ahead of himself and others. I want to be clear that it does not mean that he should abandon or dishonor his parents (especially when they are older and can no longer care for or support themselves). Similarly, he should take care of the needs of his children, first, prior to taking care of the needs of his siblings' children. When this does not happen, it is difficult to maintain a healthy and happy marriage. In my opinion, he should take care of your needs as well as the needs of your children, first. If you are in a position to bless his family members, than it would make sense that you did, but not at the expense of neglecting your own children. Also, you mentioned that you are too tired to talk when you come home from work. This is affecting your marriage, especially if he enjoys talking to people. As wives, we should consider our husbands needs prior to our own. If both husband and wives put their spouses first, both of their needs will be met. I'm not perfect, and my husband and I have a long way to go. But, we have established boundaries for our marriage, and have made them very clear to our parents and siblings. Now, we have to enforce the boundaries... This is not easy. If people really love and respect you, they will get over it when you do not always let them have their way. Have you considered seeking marital counseling?