I was married to a man who met a woman on the internet while I was eight months pregnant and left me. He left me and three young kids because he stated that he did not want a family anymore. I don't use drugs, alcohol, I consider myself a beautiful person inside and out, educated, and good mother and housewife. My husband didn't think it was enough so he left me for someone else. I hurt, but I dealt with reality and accepted reality and moved on. I then met a wonderful man that I have been seeing for about seven months. He is a very nice guy. He is very attentive, caring, and really has shown me that he cares for me. However, he is married and has been telling me for the last seven months that he was in the process of leaving (divorcing)his wife. Lately, I have been getting very frustrated with him because he wants an exclusive relationship with me, when he is a married man. We talk everyday all day and work and home. We shared a lot of our life experiences with each other and when we are together we have a really good time. I have allowed my heart and my emotions to get totally involved with him. I have fallen in love with this man and he says that he has fallen deeply in love with me. I feel so ashamed because I never thought that I would ever fall for a married man, and I did. He seems to be the man I dream about. Yes, he has assured me that this is his first time going out of his marriage and promises that when we are together he would be faithful. This man has been married for thirteen years and said that he has been miserable for eleven of those years. He claims he has stayed in the marriage because of his children, his finances because they have property together, plus they work secularly together. He recently divided the property (refinanced), divided the bank accounts, and told her that he was filing for the divorce. The wife does not want a divorce and stated that she loves him and doesn't want the divorce, but he is insistent of getting the divorce, he claims. He wants me to hang in there with him and to stick by his side. He said that he is sad because he thinks that I am going to leave him and he has been depressed a couple of days. I feel very scared, shameful, lonely, embarrassed, and hurt, however, I love this man.

Please be honest and whatever advise, comments, etc, please write them.

Thank you.

So you have stood close to the fire and feel the heat, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But you don't need to get any closer because circumstances will not allow it. Are you divorced? Your new boyfriend wants from you what he can't return: an exclusive relationship. It isn't fair; it isn't reciprocal; it won't work, in my opinion. It is good that you share your true feelings with him, but until he is free I would cool things down.

Please recognize he has issues, and enough baggage to spoil your whole life. Your already to deeply invested emotionally, and he has a lot of unfinished business he needs to attend to. The big red flag is his expectation for you to be exclusive during this process, and wait while he tends his business, which promises to be long and messy. I think you would be better served staying away from a married man, and seeing the good, clean, guilt free fun, you could be having with someone who is free, and single, and a lot more available, for a healthy relationship, while he cleans up his own messy life. When he is really free, and over his past, he may be worth a second look.

Although your story is not the first, nor last, in which a couple finds themselves in the throes of disappointment with their partners, everyone's situation is a bit different and unpredictable.

If you want this relationship to go somewhere with this "wonderful man" and you don't want to be just another scratch on his bedpost, your story begs the following questions that YOU have to ask yourself and answer:

1. Do you know the "real" reason your friend's marriage turned miserable? If not, ask and keep asking. Through time you will realize if his story keeps changing, an indication of him misleading you.

2. Do you know the "other side of the story"? If not, ask his soon to be ex? If she is not willing to entertain your questions, then find out more about her side of the story from mutual acquaintances. If your friend becomes angry with your inqusition, let him know that you want to make informed decisions when it comes to your life. After all it's your life, not his.

3. Is this relationship sexual at best? We all wish and desire for something we don't have at times and perhaps you give each other that special look, touch or feeling. Passion begs desire. Find out if it's more than this. Again time is the best indicator.

4. As yourself how you want to change your life to be a better to yourself, to be a better mother and to have better relationships. Take time to discover yourself again. Jumping into another relationship won't give you this time.

5. Your friend's "sadness" about the perception of you leaving him shows that he may be a co-dependent. He "needs" to have you by his side exclusively because he might not be able to function on his own. This might lead to a dependency that will make you feel threatened, smothered and a target of unnecessary jealousy.

6. IF you "really" love this man and he states his love for you, the relationship will grow through time. The urgency of moving ahead and landing another relationship after fresh losses makes both of you vunerable to failure. Statistics are not on your side.

HTH

I can only assume that you have not had physical contact with him because I did not read it on your post, so I'll go based on that.

You open with how bad you felt after your husband ran away with another woman, the title for your topic is that your husband left you, although your story is about your love for a married man. I find this to be interesting.

Seems to me you are justifying something you know very well is wrong. I say that because you are using the fact your husband left as an excuse to dothis because your are emotional distressed, also because of the title of the thread and the information about how unhappy he is in his relationship, ALL excuses to paint a picture that allows you to proceed with this "love" and numb yourself from any wrong doing.

Furthermore, after commenting about how badly it hurt when your husband left you turn around and contemplate doing the same thing that was so wrongly done to you. How does that make you any better than the pair that caused you so much heartache, perhaps you did not hurt enough so that you may know better.

Lastly, if the women who ran off with your husband told you she meant no ill will towards you but that she loved your husband, would you feel O.K, would you forgive her because she loves him?

I doubt it very much.