My husband and I were married for almost 12 years now and we have a second grade daughter. I can't say it was a perfect marriage since we have also our troubles and arguments just like any couple but, we do patch out our differences and still be together. In the course of the marriage , there never was a third party involved until just recently. I never dreamt and expected my husband to do such thing;I imagine a life with him still growing strong even till the end of time that's why when he confessed me about his 3 months affair with someone else. (I noticed why he suddenly turned cold to me, I asked him twice before but he lied both times), I felt my world has stopped at that moment,felt helpless,hatred and even asked him to leave. He is a very reserved person and he prefers to keep things on his own but he told me this issue because he felt guilty. He promised to take care of us (me and daughter) no matter what will happen and still say he still love me. He asked for forgiveness and I forgave him Just like what God does to all sinners and because I still love him dearly. I can bear the thought of seeing our child having no father too.
However, I just felt that he doesn't want to be intimate with me anymore. He sleeps in a separate bedroom and I let him do that because of his work schedule. But on his day-off, I would ask him if he wants me to make him "happy" so I could go visit his bed. He would answer me, "NO". I felt so rejected. He would say, his mind isn't clear and isn't back yet. He would not rather look at me when I am dressed seductively. I assured him that I had forgiven him and trying to put the past behind but he still cannot forget and forgive himself. He would say he felt terribly sorry for hurting me so much and I don't know if this is his way to punish himself or perhaps, that somebody has a big impact to him than I do. He said that sex in not in his mind right now. He would say, I should have left him and never to accept him back because that's the way I should act in this kind of situation. We have a different faith and religion and probably, he can't accept that God guided me in my decision and forgive such a grave mistake that changes everything in our life. I told him to talk to somebody but he refuses and doesn't want to talk about it. Even his friends doesn't know about it. He is ashamed that his family circle(mom and dad) learned about his infidelity and doesn't want to talk to them as well. I agreed to give him time to think, but I don't know how much time I have to wait for him to come back. He said eventually he will come back but for how long a guilty person comes back to his senses? Anyone who has the same feeling as him? I don't know if I can still keep living on like this. We are just a married couple in one roof but only in the eyes of people around us.

My child and I are dependent to him financially for now since I plan to go back to school for a couple of years to change a new career path.Thank you very much for any input. Appreciate it.

Is it possible he is not over this other person and that is why he doesn't want to be intimate with you? You mentioned that he said "his mind isn't clear and he isn't back yet." Perhaps he is having difficulty dealing with conflicting feelings of what he feels he "should do" and what he may "want to do".
If your heart is open to it, give him sometime, but be aware that this can also be seen as a form of manipulation and he is in the position to put your mind at ease. He has the obligation to work with you to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust in the relationship.

Yes,you're right. He is not over with this other person at all. All my heart, I thought I have forgiven a remorseful husband but in the end, he cannot stand for what he promised. It hurts deeply but I asked him to move out. I have already forgiven him the first time, but at present, he still continues to hurt me by not totally stopping the relationship with the other party. I even told him to confront the girl directly that they should stop whatever is going on. But, it seems he is a very "nice" man and he couldn't do it. When I ask him what were his promises about when he asked for forgiveness, It was not about cutting the relationship out but to resign in his 2nd job(where the girl usually go and see him). I had totally misunderstood it. He said he loved me,but cannot make a decision what to do with the other party. I just wanted a plain answer, that he will change for the better but I didn't get what I expected for. The other party is expecting probably that she will win his heart. But, in marriage if there is no love by either one, it's much better to let it go. Apparently, he still likes to stay with us because he is ashame of what other people might say especially his sickly parents, our friends, that he is a failure and that he let us down.
These kind of people don't deserve second chances and forgiveness at all. I was touched by my faith to stand by my man no matter what,willing to start fresh from the beginning but I think I don't deserve to be fooled again.

For the scripture says, You shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this... as difficult as it is, you made the right decision. It is up to him to decide what he wants.

You can love someone very much, but that doesn't make them the right partner for you... I wish you strength and peace.

If he isn't man enough to know what the right thing is, and do it, then why play this charade.

Sorry it takes two to work together, and I see only one. Forgiveness is great when they have remorse, and want to do better, but not a good idea if he is still doing the wrong thing.

Let him find somewhere else to stick his head. ASAP!!

I'm sorry you are having to suffer through this.

I'm not a bible scholar, but here are my thoughts. God doesn't forgive unless there is true repentance & a turning away from the sin, he won't expect you to either. Your H sounds like he is embracing it instead. Adultery is grounds for divorce because there is no way to have a healthy honest marriage where one is engaged in an adulterous relationship with someone else. Trying to reason with him while he is doing so is pointless, frustrating & extremely damaging to you.

At this point, he has left you no choice but to protect yourself in every way you can. The first step would be to talk to a lawyer (many give free consultations) to see what steps you need to take in order to legally protect yourself.

There is a great support group for you here (altho they are still out due to the hurricane):

www.survivinginfidelity.com

In the BS (betrayed spouse) FAQ's there you will find lots of useful info, including how to do the 180 to emotionally protect yourself.

It's been over 3 months that this thing happened to my family. I got busy at school and part time work so I wasn't able to visit this site and give a feedback. Well, I'm glad to say that my husband did not leave the day he was supposed to even If I forced him to. He promised to be with me and my son. He would tell me to ask him questions if I'm in doubt and I'm beginning to trust him back. He's been showing his real self the same as I knew him before. This situation actually served as a positive lesson for me. It opened my eyes to my weaknesses as a wife. Now, I can communicate better with my husband and show to him that he deserved an affectionate and a loving wife.

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I'm glad to hear that you are happy with how things are going. Hopefully you both will continue with open communication to work towards rebuilding your trust and your marriage.

Yes, he deserves an affectionate and loving wife... but remember it goes both ways and that you deserve an affectionate and loving husband as well. I wish you both well.