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itzaru · Aug 2, 2010, 08:03 PM

I have been married for 5 years. My husband is a big flirt. A year ago he and my best friend start flirting each other. I talked to my friend if there were something going on between her and my husband, she said to me no. So I asked my husband the same question my husband responded by telling me I have a insecurity problem. I really didn't like that way he acted every time my friend comes home. So I finally stopped the relationship with her. I'm no longer friends with her. Finally my husband told that he did pat her lips a couple of times. That really did hurt me cause he did that before with he's exgirlfriend. He did that before with some else. Now he does it with my best friend. On top of that he's friends with her husband and now he want to visit them plus take my kids to their house. After all the hard time I went trough with he's flirtyness with her and kissing her. I think he has no respect for me at all. Am I exaggerating too much? He's done other awful things to me.. like for he's 30th birthday he's mom and I trowed a big party for him and on the party he's exgirlfriend came, after a while he disappear I looked for him everywhere until I knocked on the bathroom door and there he was with the door locked inside with he's exgirlfriend. I cried all night that night and he told me was the same a pat her lips the same thing he did with my best friend. Should I believe him?

Kitkat22 · Aug 2, 2010, 08:09 PM

First time I've ever heard it called patting on the lips.

red01 · Aug 4, 2010, 07:08 PM

No, you're not exaggerating too much and I don't think you should believe him either. Don't let him talk his way out of things that you instinctually know are wrong.

DoulaLC · Aug 4, 2010, 07:21 PM

Locking himself in the bathroom and kissing an ex-girlfriend, flirting with your best friend and kissing her as well... I'd be unhappy about it too!
Joking around is one thing, but taking it farther and hiding it, then it becomes a problem.

It very well may be some kissing and nothing more, but it is plain that you don't feel that it is appropriate behavior for a married man or a man in a committed relationship. And then to put it on you by telling you that you are being insecure.

I'd talk with him again about how you feel about all of it. Make sure he really understands what your expectations are. If he continues with this type of behavior, knowing how hurt and upset you are by it, you will have to decide whether it is something you can live with in your marriage.

Kitkat22 · Aug 4, 2010, 07:24 PM

You should have turned the cold water on and showered them with it. He's a player and you deserve better.

Oddboots · Aug 6, 2010, 01:47 AM

No, you should not believe him.

He's doing more than 'lip patting', I reckon.

Tell him to shape up or ship out.

talaniman · Aug 6, 2010, 05:13 AM

Punishment for patting the lips is a week on the couch, and for a second offense, it's a week on the porch. If it continues, Two weeks on the porch, and burnt toast for dinner. Getting my drift. Actions speak louder than words, and are more thought provoking.

Kitkat22 · Aug 6, 2010, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Punishment for patting the lips is a week on the couch, and for a second offense, its a week on the porch. If it continues, Two weeks on the porch, and burnt toast for dinner. Getting my drift. Actions speak louder than words, and are more thought provoking.

Tal... what else could I add ? You said it.;):D

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2010, 04:20 PM

The man sounds like a real prig, and one who has no respect for you. But you let the thing in the bathroom slide, you let the thing with your friend slide and if you don't put your foot down this will continue.
You have by your non action told him he can do this to you.

Jake2008 · Aug 12, 2010, 06:28 PM

Unless he has inside plumbing,he should not be in a bathroom with a person who has.

Then again, perhaps he thought that this girl WAS his birthday present, and he was just playing with his new toy?

Men with outside plumbing, wait for their female guest to finish, then he goes to the bathroom, not at the same time as the guest.

If he is 'patting her lips', and I take that to mean kissing her, that is something that is reserved for YOU, not her. He needs to maybe get a lip GPS or something, and when he feels the need to kiss a female, it will guide him home to your lips.

I can't help but poke a little fun here, because to me, it is painfully SO obvious that he's got wandering 'pats' or 'lips' or whatever he calls them, that for you to doubt your own eyes, instinct and intelligence tells me you are the one that needs to wake up and smell the bath salts here.

I would be inclined if I were in a similar circumstance to affix the lip GPS first and foremost, and then insist that he attend counselling where there are separate bathrooms for outside and inside plumbing.

You are not crazy, you are not imagining things. He's playing on you not doing anything about his boorish behaviour, which really is, a royal flush for him.

Kitkat22 · Aug 12, 2010, 06:31 PM

He's a player and you need to either leave or lay down some rules. Don't be a doormat.