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    deerhuntress's Avatar
    deerhuntress Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 21, 2010, 08:56 PM
    My husband doesn't t care me
    My husband and I have been together for 5 years. I have given up my time, sleep, money everything to help him find a job with benefits, nearly losing mine in the process. Since he has started this job he has lost interest in me and his family - not making sure my needs nor our family's is taken care of and that he is there for us. I have tried to tell him he is losing his family by putting his job ahead of us and losing my love for him as well but he doesn't seem to make the choices to ensure he is providing/showing us he loves us. When it comes between his job and us he threatens me with various things (ie like he will leave me, etc.). I do not feel he loves me anymore. What can I do to get through to him that he is losing me and to find out if this relationship is worth the effort anymore?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Jan 21, 2010, 09:11 PM

    When finding him his job, you put it ahead of many things,

    Now he is doing very similar, it is a common practice for men ( and some women) to put their jobs and career ahead of the family.

    Communication is the key, ( or him coming home one evening to a empty house )

    Have you tried counseling
    deerhuntress's Avatar
    deerhuntress Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 23, 2010, 05:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    When finding him his job, you put it ahead of many things,

    now he is doing very simular, it is a common practice for men ( and some women) to put thier jobs and carreer ahead of the family.

    Communication is the key, ( or him comming home one evening to a empty house )

    Have you tried couseling
    I put him ahead of my job (not the other way around) and kept my family a priority as well. We are not able to take counseling together as I am the only driver and he is works totally opposite shifts. He is not willing to take off work and I have no time to take off. His mother thinks he has his priorities mixed up and wants to talk some sense into him as he doesn't listen to me (she knows what I have gone through for him and how he couldn't have done it without me). He says he will leave me if he ever loses this job - is that love for family?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,023, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #4

    Jan 23, 2010, 05:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by deerhuntress View Post
    We are not able to take counseling together as I am the only driver and he is works totally opposite shifts. He is not willing to take off work and I have no time to take off.
    There are counselors/social workers/coaches who do home visits or even counseling by means of the telephone. (I have and know I am not alone.)

    Do this together or separately. You have no excuse to avoid counseling.
    Catsmine's Avatar
    Catsmine Posts: 3,827, Reputation: 739
    Pest Control Expert
     
    #5

    Jan 23, 2010, 06:59 PM

    Changing the locks and letting him find a ride and a place to stay ought to get his attention.

    Yes, I just said call his bluff.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #6

    Jan 24, 2010, 02:51 AM

    How long has he been at this new job? If it is still relatively new and he's still getting his feet wet, maybe he just needs time.

    If, on the other hand, his behaviour is, and has been predictably job first, family distant second, then I agree, check out what Cat said, and get in-home counselling when you both have a day off.

    His threats are made probably because he feels pressured on the job, and then pressured at home.

    Until you two can really sit and talk this out, the impasse will continue.

    In which case, if he refuses, Cat's suggestion of calling his bluff might just shake him up enough to want to work on the problems at home.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,023, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #7

    Jan 24, 2010, 09:17 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    I agree, check out what Cat said, and get in-home counselling when you both have a day off.
    *cough*

    WG said that.

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