I just got married this year but there's a cloud over the marriage.

Two months before the wedding, I found out that my fiancé had slept with someone after our first date. I had always been suspicious of this girl, who emailed from time to time, and he always got angry and insisted I was jealous and paranoid and that she was "just a good friend."

I only found out the truth while we were out of town and friends of his thought I was her.

He doesn't consider what he did "cheating" because he says we weren't yet a committed couple. But he lied about sleeping with this girl - for over a year! - and he knew full well I would have broken up with him at the time if I'd known the truth.


I was devastated because it was one more lie on top of many lies. For instance, he had claimed I was the only girl he'd dated since his ex "K" and then it turned out he had slept with five different women between the time he broke up with her and started dating me.

He also lied about surfing internet porn numerous times, and lied about the true nature of his "friendships" with women I felt uncomfortable about him being "friends" with - turns out four of them were ex girlfriends or lovers from the past.

I feel like I can't trust him any more and even though this is all in the past, it still feels like the betrayal and deception are fresh. I"m very concerned about all of these lies because now I know he's capable of lying to my face repeatedy. I've stayed with him because aside from these issues, he's an awesome guy who's very committed to me and treats me well - funny, warm, affectionate, generous, giving.

But my anger about his betrayal is destroying our marriage.

He says I need to forgive him and excuses his behavior by saying he was depressed at the time I met him and not himself. He also says he felt backed into a corner by all my questions and he feared I'd break up with him if he told me the truth.

I need advice on how to let go of the anger and resentment I feel towards him.

What kills me is this girl he slept with after our first date emailed him the week before we got married. He just emailed back a very nice response and mentioned he was getting married so she emailed again wanting to "touch base" when he got back from the honeymoon.

That's when I stepped in and emailed her asking her to stop.

I feel these are serious issues but my husband says they're my issues and that he's said he's sorry and now that we're married, will be 100% committed and faithful.

But I just can't get over the hurt and wonder whether we should get divorced at the risk of having a very unhappy marriage with so much distrust.