I have only been married for a month, and love my husband more then anything, or anyone. We are both recovering alcoholic/addicts, and in the past two years, he has drank on three separate occasions. Every time that he has drank, he has come back after very depressed and threatens to kill himself. He then admits that he has to go to meetings more, and that he must have issues. But, it's the same every time. He says all this after, and then after a couple months, he talks about how he'd love to drink again... which he is recently saying again. He says its different now, because we are married, and that he would never do that, but I think the novelty will ware off, and he'll be back at the booze again. He gets very upset when I say these things to him, and there is no use talking to him about it. He also goes to the casino from time to time, and spends money he dosen't have, and lies about that to. He's admitted to going, just not how much he has spent. Also, I hate him looking at porn on the computer, and he just continues to do it... Always saying he won't again. I feel like this is an issue with me, I just wish he would respect me more. I just don't know what to do... he won't go to counselling. We tried it, and it wore off after time. I just want to trust my husband, and give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm letting all these things consume my life, and it stops me from being happy. Please, any advise would be much appreciated...

Has your husband ever cheated on you?

If not, then you do not have that to worry about.

As far as lying goes. He has not lied to you. He admits doing things when he does them.

You may not like it but he is replacing one addicition for another. You both have had addiction problems. Everybody deals with addictions differently.

He has replaced other addictions he has had with gambling and porn. What he needs to do is to get help.

You also have an addiciton as well. If you always push him and always nag on him and always say you do not trust him then he will just not try to change or even work through things.

Best of luck in your marriage. If he does not want to go to counseling you should go on your own.

Joe

As an individual that has recovered form substance abuse yourself, you come across as a very understanding person. You must first evaluate the seriousness of the crimes. Your husband is telling you the truth about what he is up to. Tho spending money he does not have seems to be the biggest problem, he does not get into it because that just escalates the issue. Sometimes we allow ourselves to be consumed with the truth. It is a very harsh world we live in. As people we all need to vent a little. If I were you I would find a passive way to protest as pushing the issue only adds to the stress of life. Take the responsibility on to yourself as this only adds to your bourdon, threw perseverance it will show your love. And for many that is the best way to see that a person cares for us.
Find a passive hobby, such as knitting, crocheting or gardening that you only resort to as a form of protest. Do not go as far as to explain this as it creates friction, in time it will be evident. For example when your husband goes to the casino and comes home after a night of drinking, let him find you in your passive protest chair greet him and quietly go on about your toils. Threw time he will see that you only care, he will see that you feel betrayed and hurt threw your silence, though you must show that you care, so you can not give him the silent treatment as a form of venting, show only love.