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Mutia · Jun 11, 2014, 07:04 AM

Last year I asked my husband did he want to split? Not because I wanted it but I'm strongly feel and I can see that he didn't care. He responds negatively when I asked for support on financial and emotional, he didn't care for something that hurts me, he keep saying bad things to me, he always had bad temperament for something small and he answer my big question with cheated and I just know it few months after. There's evidence, photo, message and a condom bill. I strongly forgive him even he didn't admitted it but now I'm feel I live in lie. Now our relations has changed. Even I still love him but I don't have the hearts to live on and I'm feel worthless. Im planning to continue to live in lies even I know at the end we might well still split. For now I don't demand for any clarification from him. Its not the time anymore.

Jake2008 · Jun 11, 2014, 07:26 AM

Your post is entitled, "how to forgive and forget", so I'll assume that is your question.

All you know now, is what you think you know. Maybe you can prove your theory of his cheating with your 'evidence', maybe you can't. One thing is certain, he does not seem to want to discuss any issues with you.

Everything he does now, has a cloud over the marriage, because you are not getting any resolve to what needs to be talked about. Every new day will have the same cloud over the marriage, and that will not go away, until the truth is on the table, and then healing can begin.

You sound like you are just going to accept things as they are, which to me, means you are going to bury your head in the sand, and just pretend things are okay. Of course, that is your choice, and puts life on a more even keel, although I'm sure you realize you will continue to be unhappy regardless.

So the only advice I can offer, when clearly you wish to not take any direct action to resolve the issues in your marriage, is to say that when you do reach a point of no return, visit here again, and we can help you.

Until then, I wish you luck.

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2014, 07:50 AM

Now's the time for you to enjoy your life -- NOT have an affair, but perhaps take some classes at the local college or learn how to crochet or check out books from the library to learn about birds or different kinds of trees (then walk in the woods to practice your new knowledge or join a bird-watching club). Or maybe volunteer at an animal shelter or a hospital or a nursing home -- two or more hours a week, to give pleasure to others and improve someone else's life. Or, get a job, if you don't have one -- even just part time, to learn new skills and get out of the house.

If you plan to stay in this marriage, don't spin your wheels thinking about what he might be doing and with whom. Of course, marriage counseling would clarify things for both of you, if he's willing to go. Even just your going would help YOU, and the therapist will very likely invite him to one or more sessions.

Please keep us up to date on how your life is improving!

Mutia · Jun 11, 2014, 08:22 AM

I had try to discuss this with him over and over but he always denied it.. And it always end with things broken which is scares me..

I know I sounds weak..
Most people will says I must fight for my right to know the thruth. It is a hard thing for me to have discussion when he involving anger.

I hope I one day I'm become bored of this situation.. And just don't care with this relationship. I had try my best.

I don't have those currious feeling to know what's he's doing and with whom.. I had end those crazy minds..
Thank you for your advice.. I now I'm will try to find what I can do for live my life.

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2014, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by Mutia

I don't have those currious feeling to know what's he's doing and with whom.. I had end those crazy minds..
Thank you for your advice.. I now I'm will try to find what I can do for live my life.

And please let us know how you are doing--and what. There world is eagerly waiting for you to get involved!

odinn7 · Jun 11, 2014, 08:36 AM

The best thing you can do is to open your eyes and get a divorce. Obviously he doesn't care. So why continue to live like that and feel worthless? What is the point of that? Things will only get worse as you let him do what he wants, he will just keep doing more...until one day, maybe he decides you are extra baggage for him and he unloads you. I would want to be getting out of this if I was in your position...not just pretending nothing is happening.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2014, 06:48 AM

You don't have to wait to see if he will change and start being a willing partner, he probably won't. But you can change your own outlook on the life you want, even if it means building it without him.

You cannot forgive and forget when you have an unwilling to change partner, and sorry, thats exactly what you have.

catonsville · Jun 14, 2014, 09:12 AM

It would be nice to know how long you have been married, do you have the ability to support yourself, do you have children? If any of these answers are positive, then all the more reason you should consider moving on instead of staying in a unhappy situation.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 14, 2014, 07:46 PM

He becomes violent and breaks things, is serious. It is not a matter of what he wants, at this point, it is what you want... why do you wish to live with someone who is not supporting you in any way.

Have some self respect and do what you want, live your own life