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dspv2010 · Apr 10, 2010, 07:41 AM

Moved to its own thread

I have been married for 9 years, I'm 28 but my marriage has had some problems 5 years ago, I know there is no excuse for infidelity, I started in a tagged page, then msn, then phone messages and we finally met in person, the attraction was flowing up, still I was so scared someone could see me, we went to a movie theater and kiss, I enjoyed that so much, I had a long time without feeling the same, Is a whole new experience for me because I got married when I was 19, I know that this is not correct, and that's why I am reading blogs like these, in order to stop it before it gets worse.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2010, 08:46 AM

Focus on you husband and marriage would be my suggestion, to vent and air your feelings with him, so you can work together.

That's not the way to resolve issues, by cheating with others to get a fleeting measure of what you think you need. That's only a distraction, and a good way to complicate, and add guilt, and stress to the marriage.

Talk to your husband and see what the deal is and if you can work together as 9 years is a long time to not know how to be happy without cheating.

That's definitely not the way.

Devorameira · Apr 10, 2010, 09:06 AM

You're right - there is NEVER an excuse for infidelity.

You've got to break it off and work on your marriage. If you can't talk to your husband and work things out, then you need to get a divorce BEFORE you start dating someone else.

I wish · Apr 10, 2010, 08:37 PM

If you have problems with your marriage, then try to fix them.

By going to another person to cheat with, you're basically avoiding problems in your own marriage and finding happiness elsewhere.

Reality check, there's no happiness in cheating. You're constantly stressed out, just in case your spouse finds out. Not to mention feeling guilty. At least I hope that you have a conscience. How is that healthy behavior?

dasher · Apr 11, 2010, 05:42 AM

I remember my sister going through the same thing in her marriage. She got as far as a hotel room and then thought better of it (well so she says). She has worked on her marriage for years and they are still together. I guess we all miss the excitement of being with someone at first but that always changes. Have new experiences together... my sister tried ballroom dancing with her hubby, table tennis... all sorts... she found she got the buzz of others but was with him. You need to stop, evaluate and see how you can have more fun in your marriage otherwise sadly this is the road to ruin... good luck :-)

Gemini54 · Apr 11, 2010, 09:04 PM

The feelings that you're experiencing are related to the fact that you're doing something hidden and illicit, and they create excitement and anticipation.

You know in your heart that it's dishonest and what you must do is focus on your marriage.

Give it a chance, put an effort into it. If in the end it doesn't work - then at least then you know you've given it an honest try.

dspv2010 · Apr 12, 2010, 05:50 PM

Wow, thanks all for your answers, these really help me a lot, there is nothig worse than feeling alone, with no one to talk with or listen, many people judged but your opinions are an excellent advice in my life. I'll finish this year working the extra mile for this relationship, and see what happens! Thanks