We have been married 11 years (and dated for 4 before that) and have 2 kids. The first 10 years I was really busy with work and she had a tough time coping with the loneliness bought on by a few job-related re-locations and bringing up our first child single handily as a stay at home Mom. About 18 months ago I took a sabbatical from my regular job and took up some lite work from home to spend time with the kids and give her a chance to start working again.

Her new found lifestyle gave her the freedom she wanted but has brought a lot of bottled up issues to the front. The fact that I never had the time for her through the personal issues she dealt (loneliness, confidence boosting at times, bringing up our first kid) but always found ways to find fault in what she did; she even visited a psychiatrist on her own many years ago to help her deal with these issues... and I did not do much to help her then either.

These bubbling emotions (some stated and others not) have created innumerable arguments and angst between us over the last 9-12 months. Our sex life deteriorated rapidly. On a couple of occasions I suggested that we see a counselor but we never moved on it believing that we would be able to correct things ourselves. By the time we finally did agree to meet a counselor the damage was done... out of the blue one day she decided to move out stating that she couldn't take it anymore... needed her space to breathe and regain her life. Fortunately, she agreed to going through a stage where she would live out of the guest room for the sake of our kids but made it clear that she would never turn back and that the separation was final -- she even went to the extent of saying that I was free to have women over. That was 2 months ago, on my birthday. I was devastated.

The shock of her potentially leaving me brought about tremendous realization and subsequent change in me and my personality (at least as it applied to her). For example, the angst that I would typically face when we went through a disagreement was overnight replaced by the feeling unqualified acceptance. Four weeks later, I worked through her anger by doing the little things for her, everyday. I ate huge quantities of humble pie over that period and spent many a night just trying to massage my frayed emotions, readying myself for the day ahead -- I always started my day by getting her a cup of coffee and a warm good morning. I found new and different ways to do things for and with her and make her (really) smile. I'm not perfect; every time I sliped-up it set us back a week at the least but I somehow found the strength to carry-on single minded and focused. The last 2 weeks have been much better: we went for a movie together (chick flick) and even danced a few times... at home. What has really heart warming is that she has reciprocated through words and deeds a few of times as well.

So what's the problem you ask. Well, she's not ready to come back to our bedroom. As she puts it she wants to make sure this phase is long lasting and is not entirely convinced that someone can change so much so quickly. My explanation to her that ''when someone faces a life altering situation such changes can happen" has not been bought by her as yet. It's not easy for me to go on without her emotional support (may be part of my changed persona) so I need to find a way to accelerate her movement over the last hump of our separation. Does anyone know of some well documented cases where people have changed quickly and permanently when faced with a life altering situation (doesn't have to be marital)? Something that I can share with her to let her know that I am not unique and more importantly that the change is for real. Also, any other thoughts of how I can navigate this last mile would really help.