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mchawla · Mar 8, 2010, 12:58 AM

Hi.. my husband has suddenly got a lot of more job responsibilities and his job profile is not appearing to be very clear.
This is stressing him out and he doesn't feel like talking to any family members or contributing to any household work and wants to be left alone and probably go out alone. Please help what can I do as his wife.. as it is making me irritated and stressed out too. But, I don't want to make things worse by arguing or fighting with him.

Gemini54 · Mar 9, 2010, 12:15 AM

I guess the first thing is to give him his space. You know the adage, when a man goes into his cave, you don't hang around the entrance.

You can always try and entice him out of his cave - you could suggest just you and him go out to dinner or to a movie and create some space just for the 2 of you? Or, suggest you do some of the things you both enjoy.

Try not to focus on the things that are annoying you but you might suggest he do some things to alleviate the stress - like walking or exercise, or even sex.

I suspect that you may just have to bite your tongue and be nice to him for a while.

Jake2008 · Mar 9, 2010, 10:27 AM

When there is a drastic change in a partners behaviour and attitude, and a noticeable shift in communication, and participation in regular routines has come to a halt- there is a problem.

Many people go through major ups and downs in their jobs, but they don't bring it home and use it as an excuse to hide and avoid their relationships.

While I agree giving him space to think and work through the stress of the day is a good idea, it isn't okay when it reaches a point, where the new behaviour replaces the old.

He has dialed out for the time being it sounds like. You don't say how long this has been going on or if his lack of participation has put more strain on you because you are picking up his share of the work at home.

I would let him know that you understand the job is getting him down, and you are there for him when he wants to talk. But, also let him know that you are worried about your relationship.

Just my opinion here but none of us can afford the luxury of expecting our partners to do double duty because we just don't want to open up and deal with a problem.

He's a man, not a child. I would keep trying to communicate, but, I would at some point, expect him to.

talaniman · Mar 16, 2010, 12:46 PM

If he doesn't respond to nice, then he will respond to sleeping on the couch. Just put a blanket and pillow out and close the bedroom door.

I wish · Mar 16, 2010, 05:26 PM

I would say leave him alone until he figures things out.

Talking to him will only provoke an argument anyway.

As for you, I know you want to worry about him, but if he doesn't even want your help, then why force it upon him?

You should go out and do your own thing. Unfortunately, I agree with Talaniman. If he doesn't respond well to nice, then let him sleep on the couch.