Imate,
First, you have to decide if the lady is worth your trying to pursue again. If you decide to forgive her, then it would certainly help if your wife was somewhat contrite about her actions. This gal chose to break her vow to you. She didn't consider the damage she was doing to you or the children.
My suggestion is the next time she gets huffy or angry about telling her mother, consider what this gal dumped into your lap because of her choices. If she wants back into your family, she must ask to come back. If she does not ask, don't invite her. Instead, show her the door and suggest that leave and don't return until she can control herself.
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