We have been married for 4 years. We have 2 children together. We waited until we were married before having sex with each other. He was a virgin. I was not. However, I told him about my past. I told him more than I would have liked to have shared because he asked. When I told him, he did not seem to be bothered much and some of the things I said he already knew/figured about me. He did not want to marry a virgin. He wanted to marry a woman with some sexual experience.

Well, it appears that over time, these issues have haunted him. He has never talked about them, until recently. He is very affected by them. The latest issue is that I had sex with a black man before I ever met him--one black man 2 times. Now, I don't recall talking to him about this issue (or others), but it seems that his memory has made the event worse over time. He says that I said some choice words about the mans twig being *nice and thick*. This sounds cruel and outrageous. I can't believe I would ever have said such a thing, not only because it is cruel, but because his member was normal; 'twas neither thick nor thin, nor short or long... it was normal. Therefore, I know I didn't say it.

I know that I was hard on him when we dated, but I am not now. I am way different. He says that he loves me, but he can't get over some stuff from my past. He misremembers things, and he makes them way worse then they were. Another example: I tried acid ONE time. He says that I said that I tripped all the time. I bragged about it. Again, I know I never told him that because it is untrue, but his memory has changed it.

I no longer try to correct my husbands account of my past, I find that my truth upsets him more... it seems patronizing.

What do I do? We have not had sex in over 23 days.

I am shameful of my past, but it is no longer who I am. I did not treat my husband well when we dated, but I do now. I have been the best wife I can possibly be, but my past afflicts my marriage. He has said stuff like "how could he have ever married me?" or "I regretted marrying you for a long time". This past really irritates me. Our marriage will seem fine, then he brings up this poop. It hurts me and it pains me to see him so bothered by me. I didn't feel like crying last night when he started to talk to me about these things; So, I told him that he either has to get over this stuff or divorce me. I don't throw around the D word. I am not an advocate of divorce at all, but I wanted him to just stop thinking about these issues. How can my husband get over my semi-sordid past? What can I do?

(We have both agreed to marriage counseling, but our church neglects us. We are functioning and appear happy--apparently, we don't seems to be at risk. So, please don't suggest marriage counseling. It is something that we will get--eventually.)

I want to air all this out. I want for him to just let it go and move on. I want to have a solid marriage. I want him to think positively about me. How do I do this? I reaffirm to my husband all the things that are wonderful about him. I tend to forget bad stuff. I have told him how I admire him and his parts--they are by far my favorites. I don't know if he believes me. I know that I am telling the truth. I have doting love and affection for my husband. I often have to stifle it because he is lost in thought. Sometimes about me sometimes about work. I just want to make him happy. Happy and happy with me, happy with the kids. I don't know what to do. Please offer up your best suggestions and solutions.