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nfallon · Dec 16, 2008, 09:55 PM

I am at a crossroad,, my husband is diabetic and has high blood pressure and his son died two years ago at the age of 22... He has been depressed and is unwilling to get help with his depression. The doctor has asked him to get more bloodwork and its now almost two years later and he doesn't want to go get it done. Hes always sick and I can't take it anymore... I have tried to help him and he yells at me angrily and says words like... god damnit ill get it done when I'm ready...

I couldn't stand it any longer so I told him I'm leaving... signed a lease for an apartment on Sunday and now tonight after work, I find him cold and sick on the couch..

Help...

I can't do this anymore...

He's ten years older than me...

I have watched him deteriorate ov er the last 12 years...

What can I do but pray?

Me in Las Vegas

nfallon · Dec 16, 2008, 10:00 PM

Let me add that I was so in love with him for years... and that I sat and waited for him to get his life together so that we could have a family...

And, I have been there for him and loved him... now love just doesn't seem enough...

As he lays on the couch... I wonder how long hell last... I so want to help him but he responds in anger..

Me

Clough · Dec 16, 2008, 10:48 PM

Hi, nfallon!

This is indeed a sad situation and I do feel for you! You definitely could use some intervention here...

Are there any other relatives of yours or his who could also be with you when you're trying to deal with him in order to lend you some support?

I hope and pray for only the best for you and yours!

Thanks!

talaniman · Dec 17, 2008, 12:20 AM

Leave him alone, and let him get off his own a$$.

N0help4u · Dec 17, 2008, 06:32 AM

You take care of you.
I have a rule that I tell guys and that is ''I tell you once and then it is ON YOU!''
He has already made it quit clear to you that he will get help when HE wants help.
To me that translates "You tied my hands so DO NOT throw the blame back on me!"
You have done all you can it is his problem now.
Don't go over it with I could have, I should have, I would have or any guilt feelings.

Ber Rabbit · Dec 17, 2008, 07:02 AM

He's probably responding angrily because his sugar is screwed up. Diabetes can do some crazy things to someone's personality when their sugar is not properly controlled. He's the only one who can make the decision to start seeing his doctor regularly and taking control of his condition. You are the only one who can decide if you are strong enough to convince him to do what's good for his health. He's basically slowly dying and no matter whether you choose to stay or go the road ahead of you will be rough. If you go and he dies you'll question your choice; if you stay he's going to continue to be abusive as his sugar becomes more and more unstable and you will question your choice.
Ber

mzron08 · Dec 17, 2008, 07:25 AM

It's Clear your dealing with a lot but the fact is you can't help him if he don't want to be helped your only going to bring sickness to yourself, If you feel you've done all that you can do then make peace with yourself and let god take it from there.

talaniman · Dec 17, 2008, 07:31 AM

Does he have family that may influence him to get some help for himself? Or a friend, that he will listen to?

You hate to abandon a love one, when they are down, so some outside help, if available is needed. If not you can only monitor him from a distance and call someone when it gets to that point.

Not a good situation.

N0help4u · Dec 17, 2008, 08:31 AM

Donf agrees: I liked your response. BTW, my lady has a sign in the kitchen that reads, "This kitchen is self service." And she really means it.

I told my (old) boyfriend you bring home the bacon I will cook the bacon.
Do not expect me to do it all!

nfallon · Dec 17, 2008, 09:28 AM

IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOUR ANSWERS ABOVE THEY ARE ALL JUST EXACTLY WHAT I NEED... I CUT AND PASTED A FEW AND INSTANT MESSAGED THEM TO MY PHONE SO THAT I KEEP IN MIND THE ABOVE THOUGHTS INCLUDING THIS ONE: Leave him alone, and let him get off his own a$$.
__________________
Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

Life is hard, if you take it by the yard, It's a cinch if you take it by the inch!!

Obstacles are what appears, when you take your eyes off the goal!

He has no family... not near nor any that cares since he cut ties with them...

Im going to move out tomorrow and will have to come back and check on him... just letting him know I'm serious about this will hopefully get him off the couch...

I AM suffering... my mom tells me that if I stay that I'm committing hari kari... h aha...

She has a sense of humor...

Again, thank you all so much I am feeling so much support..

Me in Vegas