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    bob374's Avatar
    bob374 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 23, 2008, 07:31 PM
    He won't except its over and let it be.
    I have been married for almost 4 years & with my partner for 6 years, I had a son from a previous relationship when I met my husband and have had another two girls in my marriage. My husband and I both love the girls tremendously but I am and always have been the only one who cares for my son - my husband has never been able to feel any amount of emotion toward him let alone treat him as though he is a loved member of the family. Our marriage has been on the rocks from the day we got married... I owned my own house and my own car without any debts at all; and my husband lived at home with his parents and had nothing but a huge amount of debts. Shortly after we got together I paid all his debts off and gave him half ownership of my house and brought him a new car as he road off his last one, resulting in him putting us in a huge amount of debt and now owning nothing! I take the kids to the doctors/school/ sporting events/activities etc.. I do all the house work / washing - ironing/ making meals, feeding animals etc.. while my husband does nothing. My husband would not supply money sufficient enough for me to take contraception and refused to wear a condom, thus resulting in me falling pregnant and my husband complains and runs me down for asking him once, to bath the kids on the weekend as apparently I want and expect too much from him... yet he works full time and does not pay for school fees, petrol, power or food, I have to use the money I get from the government to feed our kids and pay for all the other expenses - which does not cover it by far! I also don't have decent clothes to wear as buying maternity clothes is a waist - supposedly! I am studying D.E (at home) to obtain my bachellors in psychology, I have told him many times that I want a divorce and we were almost at the point of getting one before I fell pregnant but now that I am he says we have to stay together for the sake of the kids, I am so unhappy and cry myself to sleep almost every night and barely have enough energy to do anything, I no longer have friends I can see or am ever happy enough to want too and the only people I do see is my husbands family who treat me like and make me feel unwelcome in my own home.. what can I do
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 23, 2008, 08:15 PM

    So he won't buy condoms, you just refuse to have sex, bet he finds the money.
    How long have you been in marriage counseling ? Bet never?
    Why don't you have your own friends, that is not his fault, you make your own friends.

    But ifyou want a divorce, file for it
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #3

    Nov 23, 2008, 08:30 PM

    First, your husband bad debt and living with him parents should've been a red flag for you about him. That showed he is iresponible.

    Secondly, another red flag should've been when he didn't accept your son. If he can't accept him then you shouldn't have accepted him because I wouldn't be getting married to my fiancé if he couldn't accepted my daughter.

    Thirdly, do you have health insurance? You stated you receive money from the government so you should at least have medicaid. Medicaid would cover the cost for birth control and if your husband didn't want to buy it or wear a condom, then guess what? He wouldn't be having sex with me. That another form of control and a way to knock you up. Stop it and say no to protect yourself especially since he doesn't help you with the one you already have.

    Lastly, do you have family? Your husband sounds very childish and it don't really sound like a marriage. You stated everything changed once you get married but I bet if you reflect back on your reationship before marriage all the red flags was there but most likely went ignore.

    You shouldn't feel the way you do in your own home and you shouldn't take being mistreated by his family in your own home. It doesn't matter what he want, it's what you want. Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself because if you don't know one else will. This marriage is unhealthy and I think the worst thing you could've did was added him to your deed.

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