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    amichelle_656's Avatar
    amichelle_656 Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 12:37 PM
    I have a mind of my own!
    I am 17yrs old and I am going to get married to the most wonderful man I have ever met. He treats me well and is very mature (he is also 17, but will turn 18 in 2 months). He told my dad of my plans and he flipped! He thinks that I am doing it because my boyfriend said so. He raised me to be a very smart young lady who has enough common sense and wisdom to make a decsion for myself. When I told him this he seemed really hurt. Should I take my dad's feelings into consideration and wait to marry or go on with my life as planned?
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
    Uber Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 12:54 PM
    Ya you should. Your dad cares for you and wants the best for you. He has the benefit of experience - he sees things that you really can't understand at 17. Let him have a chance to explain himself then weigh his experience against what may be an infatuation. Try this: tell your boyfriend that you would like to wait just 2 years before getting married and let us know what his reaction is.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
    Ultra Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 01:05 PM
    I agree with NeedKarma.

    Your father has been around this sort of thing and is wiser than you in this area. Listen to him and hear him out. If you and your boyfriend are so in love, waiting a couple of more years will not be that big of a deal.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
    Uber Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 01:23 PM
    When you both turn eighteen. It is both your guys decision to eighter get married or wait to get married. Your parents can advice and try to help but some parents cause more problems then not. It becomes your decision as an adult to make decisions and learn from them. Some may be good, and some may be bad. Take your time and think everything through. I am not telling you what is right or wrong. Remember that marriage is a long term commitement and that things could be all well now, but how will both of you handle things when there is lots of stress or hard times. Those are the times you learn how both of you will deal with things together. That is a test on how the marriage will be. So give it some time, do not feel that you need to be rushed into marriage. Marriage is important, and the reason of getting married is important. Some people get married because they are pressured into it, or that the girl gets pregnant, etc...

    Hope all works out for you. There maybe some people in the family that are against the marriage, but remember it has to be your final decision on what to do, and what you think is best for you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Dec 15, 2005, 01:35 PM
    It is so amazing that after raising children when they get a certain age they all of a sudden think they know more than we do.Its not like Dad wants to run your life its just that he cares enough to try and make you see what exactly your getting into.He's probably seen many17 year old about to do the same thing your doing.Instead of just sweeping his advice away listen to it learn from it and talk about it realisticaly with your boyfriend.At 17 there's no hurry to rush into a big mistake so why not slow down and plan your life together.You'll probably see many obstacles ahead of time and can make a plan to deal with them.Dad wants you to be happy and not make a mess of your life at this tender young age of 17.He obviously loves you so take a little time and just listen to him.:cool:
    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
    Senior Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 05:57 PM
    Yeah. Uh hate to tell you but your not grown up. You have not had the experience at the age of 17 to say that you are. Running off to get married at your age is a bigger mistake then you will ever know. YOu say this guy is mature. Well define mature for me. Tell us what he has done that is mature. No guy or girl is that mature at 17. Especially men.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
    Uber Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 06:02 PM

    I do not agree with you on this one. I personally was a lot more mature at 12 then some people were in there 30's. It depends on the person and individual and yes, there are some of those that grow up really fast , or even mature faster then others. At the same time it is not good to rush eighter. It is a very big commitment. Lifetime commitment but a lot of people now adays with the first sign of trouble run the opposite way and divorce. Which is not the right thing to do.

    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 900, Reputation: 109
    Senior Member

    Dec 15, 2005, 06:16 PM
    I certainly agree with you on that. Yes I had forgotten that maturity also comes with experience. Im 29 but I have yet to experience a lot of things other 29 year olds have because of how I grew up. Life is still very new to me. There are probably 17 year olds out there who have done and seen things I have not. I just want to amichelle to tell us her definition of mature so we can point her in the right direction.
    PrettyLady's Avatar
    PrettyLady Posts: 2,765, Reputation: 332

    Dec 15, 2005, 09:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by amichelle_656
    I am 17yrs old and I am going to get married to the most wonderful man i have ever met. He treats me well and is very mature (he is also 17, but will turn 18 in 2 months). He told my dad of my plans and he flipped! he thinks that i am doing it because my boyfriend said so. He raised me to be a very smart young lady who has enough common sense and wisdom to make a decsion for my self. When i told him this he seemed really hurt. Should i take my dad's feelings into consideration and wait to marry or go on with my life as planned?
    Amichelle_656, I think you should take your father's feelings into consideration and not get married at such a young age. I know your in love with your boyfriend and things seems great now, but it will change later. You still have a lot of growing up to do, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Most teenagers are not ready to take on the responsibilities and perseverance of marriage. You won't understand the difficult demands of married life, the sacrifices, compromises and hard work it takes to live with someone for the rest of your life. It's best that you go to school and focus on your studies and have a career. If your boyfriend loves you, he will support your decision to wait. Then you and your boyfriend can think of marriage in a few years once your financially and emotionally stable.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692

    Dec 15, 2005, 09:46 PM
    While we are young we don't realise that we will change so much over the next years, plus it is hard to know what reality in the working and living world is really about.

    That does not mean you don't care for each other. But often we rush into things when there is no need to.

    I would say merely wait, get out of school, find jobs ( perhaps consider college or tech schools.) make the base for a better life. Then if you are really in love, you still will be.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
    Ultra Member

    Dec 16, 2005, 05:30 AM
    When I was 17yrs old I was with the Man of my dreams - 'T' he was 19yrs. We had planned to get married too. He was in the army. Even though it meant being apart for seven months until he returned I was prepared to wait for him. We had planned to marry when he returned from his posting of 7 months to Cyprus. But before he left he made a decision to split with me. This was based upon the fact he could not bare to be apart from me and he felt that I was too young to be making a huge life decision of this kind. I was 17yrs old. I too was very mature with a sensible head on my shoulders and the itellegence to know what I was doing. But he felt it was right to let me go.

    Once he returned I was with someone else - he was gutted but got over it and moved on. We have been on and off ever since - but finally we realised that we were never meant to be together forever. I am with a guy called Pete now and the way I feel about him is more than I have ever felt in my whole life. I am 21yrs old and have cried tears of happiness for the first time. I finally know the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. He is now with someone else and feels exactly the same way I do but for this other girl. I am now 21yrs and he is 23yrs. He and I are still very close friends and hang out often. Pete and 'T' get on like a house on fire and it is really nice.

    My advice to you is wait and don't make rash decisions. I am glad 'T' and I did not get married. Looking back it would have been the worst decision for us both to make and I am glad 'T' was wise enough to realise this at the time. Otherwise I could have been married and divorced by now.

    Please thing about this? I was the same as you at 17yrs and at 21yrs looking back I can just see how young I really was and how I did not really have a clue even though I thought I did.
    dimples's Avatar
    dimples Posts: 256, Reputation: 9
    Full Member

    Dec 16, 2005, 08:07 AM
    You are much too young to even get married. Marriage is a serious matter not to be taken lightely. With it comes responsibility & a whole lot of maturity. You ought to be enjoying your single life right now. Do not wate your youth on something too much for you to handle. Grow up & make your dad proud. I know right now, you think that your dad is meddling with your affairs but in a few years time, you will thank him for it. It is just for the best. An uncle of mine used to say, "Marriage is love the first two years. You feel like no one else but the two of you exist. But when problems, especially money problems start coming your way, that is the time you realize that love is but a tiny piece of that picture called Marriage." So think it over & over. If its real love, it can wait.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Dec 16, 2005, 09:12 AM
    Amicelle 656
    Just a few questions. Have the two of you decided where you will live? Have you worked out how you will pay rent or support yourselves?Have you thought about the children you will have?Have you thought about who babysits while you both work?Have you thought about how one of you can support the whole family if one of you stays home to watch those children? Have you thought about furthering your education?Have you thought about all the time apart you'll be facing trying to support youselves? I have read many post here about how you should wait and grow more before you plunge into a big commitment like marriage,but if you can please give me your own reasons you should get married now I would surely like to know.Your Dad probably feels the same way.As a father I would like you to tell me why you think you are ready for the big step.:cool:
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
    Senior Member

    Dec 16, 2005, 11:41 AM
    Please wait. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for life. I'm not doubting your love for each other, but did you know that the success of a marriage is not based on love alone? I know that you don't believe that your thoughts and ideas, your desires and knowledge will change much over the next 10 years but please believe me when I say it will. I am not nearly the same person I was at 17, I don't know anyone who is.

    I met my husband at the age of 18 and had he asked me on the spot, I would have married him right then and there. We dated for a short time but found that neither of us was as ready to commit as I had hoped. Throughout the years we dated each other on and off as well as dating others. At the age of 28 we decided to give the relationship one final, serious chance, it worked. We both had to do a lot of growing and changing before we could settle down for good. I know that If I'd married him at 18, love and all, we would have never lasted because we had not yet developed the skills and maturity needed to work through our problems. Even at 28, it was constant work and A lot of communication. We now run like a well-oiled machine. The oil and gas that runs our engines are mutual respect, loyalty, love, warmth, and patience. There are days we may not wake up feeling as in love with each other as we should but it's the commitment to each other that keeps us together. A few days and lots of interaction later, that loving feeling is back.

    While there are those rare people who are very mature at such a young age, they are indeed rare, even so, what is the harm in waiting, you have your whole life ahead of you, waiting a few years is just a drop in the bucket. Isn't the success of your marriage worth at least that??
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Dec 17, 2005, 06:03 AM
    I do agree with listening to your Dad. The reason he "flipped" is simple; he knows what he is talking about, and you really surprised him.
    Others here have given you their opinions, and most agree with your Dad.
    I know that at 17, you won't pay much attention to a disheartening fact, but:

    More than half of all marriages in the US end in divorce, with those getting married under the age of 21 being much more likely to divorce!

    Now, to a question for you:
    If you two are really, really, in love; feel true love for each other; why are you wanting to rush this? Are you afraid that if you wait, something will happen, one will find someone else, or one might eventually back out?
    Why not wait until you finish school, and/or college? If you really love each other, your love will still be there at that time. If it's not there, then getting a divorce is much, much, much, much harder than getting married!

    If you really have an "open mind" about this, ask your school friends how old their parents were when they married; also ask them if their parents have ever been divorced and then remarried. You will be surprised at what you find out!
    I do wish you the best, and please, please don't rush into anything, before you finish schooling.

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