When we were first dating, it seemed like we had a ton in common and would have tons of fun- going to see movies, chatting about common interests, about our futures and things.

Four years later we live together and are engaged, but want to both finish our degree programs before getting married. We've talked about it for a long time, but financially, it's just not the right time.

Previously, before the engagement, there was a period where I felt lonely and ignored- he spent all his time doing other things. Literally, even so far as to make excuses not to spend time with me. I told him over the course of two months how I felt, or tried to, but it never seemed to reach him. I didn't want this, it felt like our relationship dissolved into "just sex". After dating him for so long, this hurt me immensely.

That's when I had my EA. It lasted two weeks, and I left it where my Fiancé could see- it was an internet relationship with someone literally 4,000 miles away. There was never anything sexual, never anything like going to see the EA or anything of the sort. But it felt like the only way someone was willing to listen.

It's been a while since it happened, about a year. I don't want to go back to it, because frankly, it was wrong and I hated myself for it.

Now, it feels like we are getting back to the same place- our relationship just getting into a routine of steamy times. The only time I feel like he is "caring", as in sweet and romantic is when he is trying to get down my pants, instead of doing it to just make me happy.

I feel like reaching out again, because I don't feel like emotionally he is willing to give me what I need. I don't know if I'm wording things wrong when I speak to him about it, or what. Sometimes I call it being "babied"- I need to be sympathized with, I need the holding and the carressing, and someone who just wants to listen.

I'm at a loss for what to do, and I don't want to feel like I'm coming out of loving him.
Please help.

Thank you, everyone, for your oh so helpful advice. Really- the response from the forum is overwhelming.

I've seen so many posts of how everyone is proud of the people on the forum of being so helpful and sympathetic, or booting when needed-- and I can totally see the care and attention to detail that's given. It really shows!

Again, I'd like to thank everyone for their helpful quips. I'll definitely pass the sentiment on should anyone mention it.